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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be OFFENDED by this (smoking and pregnancy)

108 replies

nannyl · 28/02/2011 09:31

I have recently moved 250miles to live with OH from hampshire to Yorkshire.

I get the impression there are so many more smokers on yorkshire than down south

I dont smoke.... NOT ONE of my down south friends smoke and NONE of my family smoke. I dont think i even know any smokers, (ie friends friends, who we may meet at weddings / parties)

OH doesnt smoke, but most of his family do.
Most of OHs friends who we see socially, we met through his running club are fit runners who also dont smoke.
I work in an independant school, and i dont know of any of the staff that smoke (clearly never would in school grounds) but i do know for sure that no member of staff in my dept (pre-prep) smoke.
It is rare for me to be with a lot of smokers.
I am completley anti smoking as is OH.

Anyway last night it was OH brothers birthday and we went out for a surpise birthday meal with lots of their friends... (most of whom are much nearer 20, where as me and OH are more 30!)
Anyway OH and I were the ONLY non-smokers there.. (and they all had numerous fag breaks, every 20 - 30 mins Shock, I have no problem with them smoking outside where i dont have to breath it)

So it was apparent that we are the only non-smokers... and now i get to the bit that makes me cross

One of the mid twenities guys came in and said to me in front of everyone, quite seriously " Have you not considered smoking while pregnant so you have a smaller baby and easier birth?" Shock
Told him in no uncertain terms that there is no way id be smoking to get a small baby, and in doing so id be trying to KILL my baby. Went off on one as to why on earth would anyone want to kill their child or make them ill on purpose?

I really went off on one.... (but i am 12 weeks pregnant and it was the 1st time "killing my baby on purpose" has ever even entered my head.)

so was i U?
To go off on one to some smokers who i have never met before?

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 10:17

This is what I reckon.

This guy and his group and picked up on your sniffy attitude to smokers. They went outside for a smoke and discussed what a superior, judgy donut you are and decided they'd wind you up.

They came back in and played their card and you played right into their hands.

Bravo.

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/02/2011 10:17

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DuplicitousBitch · 28/02/2011 10:20

if the op had simply said 'i was at a party and some fool suggested i smoke to restrict my baby's growth and have an easier birth' this would have been a v. different thread.

i don't think he was joking, i know some people do this, it is despicable and i do think the op was right to have a go at him.

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 10:20

OK, change OP's post to a rant about obese people and over-eating. Would you be so sympathetic then?

No.

nickytwotimes · 28/02/2011 10:20

guy was either winding you up or is a twat.

you come across very badly in your op tbh.

Original poster
nannyl · 28/02/2011 10:21

hey shineoncrazydiamond

i like your attitude Smile

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 28/02/2011 10:22

YANBU to be shocked that someone would think 'smoke so your baby is smaller' was a good idea.

YABU to think that it is North/South that makes the difference in who smokes. Your circle of friends is different to that of your BIL, that's all.

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/02/2011 10:24

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StormInaCCup · 28/02/2011 10:24

I am 27, live in Yorkshire and always have - I have never smoked or even tried it, neither do any of my friends. Friends that DH has who live in London all seem to be out every weekend doing coke. DH and I are both anti-smoking and anti-drugs BUT I have never thought that EVERYONE in London must do coke - anecdotal evidence is not the same as 'data' is it?

I can imagine that you were out looking down your nose at everyone which is why you got that (IMO clearly sarcastic comment). I am almost 26 weeks pregnant myself and have never heard the opinion you seem to think that all 'us Yorkshirefolk' hold.

You'll find that smoking whilst pregnant is held in the same regard in Yorkshire as it is elsewhere in the country. So YWBU - and everyone you were out with probably thinks that you can't take a joke and are more than a bit stuck up. As we would say in Yorkshire 'tha needs to get owwer tha sen lass'.

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 10:28

"Smoking will kill you, and if it doesn't, just think of the hours of fun you'll have on the lung cancer ward, eh?"

YOU being the opertive word. Mind your own business.

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/02/2011 10:30

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ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/02/2011 10:30

I don't believe you. Sorry, I smell Jackanory.

And you'd be very surprised at the number of people who smoke and you aren't aware of it, found out recently a very good friend of mine smokes. I had no idea, she doesn't smoke in public nor inside the house because she thinks it's 'rough'

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 10:32

Yes and another superior and boring one from you, ShineOn.

My grandma died from smoking related emphysema and MIL has lung issues due to it. I choose not to smoke. I will not, however, make snidey remarks about people who do because it is nothing to do with me.

Go and wind your neck in for once.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/02/2011 10:32

And i've never picked up a lit ciggy in my life, filthy, dirty habit, it's antisocial and kills many, many people.

S'not worth it imo

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/02/2011 10:33

I've heard of that before, some people do think that it's a way to have smaller babies and therefore an easier delivery. It's not correct and it isn't safe and I'm sure that when women attend ante-natal clinics daft views like this are quickly routed out and put straight.

I don't smoke but I'd be dreadfully offended at your comments and attitude at the party and as far you judging others is concerned, I'd be judging your parents at not teaching you how to behave in company. You need to apologise at the earliest opportunity, pregnancy is no excuse for nastiness. Hmm

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/02/2011 10:34

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TrillianAstra · 28/02/2011 10:34

I agree with Shiney - slowly killing yourself isn't just about you. It's also about your family and friends who have to go through it with you. You can't say "I'll kill myself slowly and painfully if I want to and it's nothing to do with anyone else". It's just not true.

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 10:36

Toodle-pip then, Shiney.

Goodness, it's like a big, black cloud has drifted away...

bobbleheadnumberone · 28/02/2011 10:36

Pretty sure that it's a Shameless quote Wink

thefurryone · 28/02/2011 10:36

So you hate both smokers and northerners, also I bet half of the people you mention do smoke but just not in front of you as they probably couldn't stand the wrath Wink

For what it's worth it was only when I moved from up North to down South that I actually started smoking.

NinkyNonker · 28/02/2011 10:37

Oh there is no doubt that smoking is bloody stupid, but thinking that geography or working at a private school makes a difference comes close. They were gratuitous references designed to try to put across the Op's views as to her relative status compared to those poor northerners she rubs shoulders with now.

Ever been yachting op? I ask because 90% of yachties (I speak as one) are publicly educated, middle class types...and 90% smoke. Or used to at least.

A better response to such stupidity would have been a raised eyebrow and sarky put down.

Original poster
nannyl · 28/02/2011 10:37

Since when was i "nasty"?

should i have said, great idea, pass me a fag and ill start smoking now?

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 28/02/2011 10:37

OP you would have done so much better if you could have kept to the point without being snidey about 'Up North'.

worraliberty · 28/02/2011 10:38

I think you come across as thinking that smokers are complete and utter idiots- and they are. I don't 'judge' people who smoke...

You've just judged that they're complete and utter idiots though?

FWIW I agree but so are over eaters, heavy drinkers and other drug users.

TrillianAstra · 28/02/2011 10:38

"I don't smoke and I dont know many smokers, but BIL's friends all seem to smoke, and one of them said this to me...."