Is he the most unreasonable partner on the planet?

[pots]

Hello
I posted something the other day in error on someone else's thread... all new to this.
ANyway, I have 3 kids 12,10 and 8 with my ex-husband and a 4 month baby with a new partner.
New partner has many financial problems... HUGE infact. He also has an ex-girlfiend who is constantly texting, emailing and skyping asking for money - he owes her money but his business is in chaos and there is currently no money apart from rent that he gets in from a property.... although they are up for repossession. They took out loans and amassed credit cards bills together and she wants it all back.... When he has some cash she gets it... I get nothing. He doesn't even have enough for nappies, so I have to buy them from my maintenance from ex.
Stupidly, I have lent him money... and have tried to help him get his business back off the ground, but it's hard to help someone who has their head buried so deeply underground.
He also has regular contact with other female friends, one of whom has admitted being in love with him.... he knows it hurts me but is not prepared to stop it. He sees no harm in it as he says he is with me, so is not a threat. I don't see it like that.
He finds it difficult to be motivated... he is 47 and a first time dad.... and utterly selfish.
When he's having a good time... we all do, but when it's crap it's really crap.
I know it's all totally unreasonable... I'm not perfect, nor do I pretend to be... but I'm sad and upset. I don't know where he is right now... he went out yesterday morning telling me that he would be back on monday... then came back, had a bath (I went out with a friend), called to find out where I was, then got himself spruced up, borrowed some money from a woman he has living in his office and I haven't seen him since.
I know it all sounds like I've just made all this up... it's all true and actually worse... but I don't think anyone would believe me..
Just writing this has helped me.... but how on earth am I going to cope...?

bloody hell, ledkr

it was about bad language ?

I can't imagine what that has to do with me

this name changing is ruining my reputation, I can't even take the acknowledgements when they come

PeterAndre I know you won't be happy about this, but..... I agree with you

night all x

take care, OP

no offence taken.... sadly I must be.
thx anyway.

what is this business that is in chaos?

GORGEOUSX, I have agreed with you on a couple of occasions this evening

don't faint, now

not that other one though, I thought you were just mean

you see, you can express quite strong opinions without being mean, although I may get a slating here

c'est la vie

Must be a good shag. You can't teach an old dog new tricks, have you not heard that one? What are you expecting to change.

He might be a good parent by your standards, but isn't it a fathers job to provide for his children? My partner sees this is as his number one purpose in life, he actually describes it as his 'joy'. The only disappearing act he does is to go to work. We live without adult luxuries just so our daughter can have the best. Sad but true.

Sounds like you and your partner are two peas in a pod, probably both as bad as each other. I feel sorry for your kids.

So you stay at home and look after 4 kids while he goes out for DAYS amd you don't even know where he is?

He has a woman staying in his office (what IS all that about? Where does she sleep/eat? ).

He has another in love with him.

He has other women who will lend him money.

So where do you think he is tonight?

I don't think I've ever before suggested to a woman on here to get rid of a man unless there was violence in the relationship. Often I think that MNers are too quick to cry "Get rid!" and that they wouldn't have the courage to do it themselves if they were in the OP's position.

This is different and I honestly believe that you're on a hiding to nothing but financial ruin and heartache... and being taken the piss out of even more than you are at the moment. This is one occasion when I agree... get him out, you're a lone mother in all but name already.

PeterAndre Do you think "that other one" was genuine?

GX, there was more than one on that other thread

I don't think they were all telling porkies, no

admittedly, I came in quite late when there had already been some acknowledgemnts of the OP's situation, but then so did you

there really are men like that, just like there are men like this

so, I dunno

I just thought you were twat-like as you can often be

< sorry for hijack, OP >

don't worry.
this is true, sadly.
I don;t know where he is... I need to sleep.
It's all a mess...

thank you for all your help.

pots, you will keep posting won't you ?

it doesn't matter what I think, I am just a perma tanned, washed out "singer" from the 1990's, desperately hanging onto "fame"

pots, come back tomorrow

we are always here

PeterAndre I posted early as well as the posts you saw

were you twat-like early too ?

Well, obviously one never thinks of oneself as 'a twat', and, being well-mannered if I thought a perma-tanned washed out singer was a 'twat', I would say it anyway

that's supposed to say I would NOT say it anyway.

that's not what I asked you, but good try on the deflection

you do come across as a nasty piece, GX

it's been said to you a few times, do you think everybody is mistaken and you are really well-mannered ?

I am just curious, and glad we are having this nice chat, it might clear a few things up for anyone who has been on the receiving end of your less-than-helpful interjections

< sorry again for hijack >

Well, I don't care how I come across - 'cos I think there are a lot of nutters on here. I don't do 'oh you poor thing, there, there unless I'm really moved by someone's plight. I just say what I think. I know you think I've been complaining about bullying, but I have not been complaining, I've posted replies on somebody else's AIBU and said what I think.

I couldn't give a shit what anyone on here thinks TBH because I've got a brilliant RL.

Yes, you have been complaining about bullying and saying things like "there are some proper bitches on MN who just love to put the boot in, and I hate them all etc"

when you are one of the worst culprits of that

you see, that is all well and good that you are a "straight talker" and you "say it how it is" but that isn't enough, IMO

to carry it off you need some personality, some empathy, some humour, some self-deprecation too, or else you just look like a common-or-garden twat

but as long as your "RL is brilliant" I guess that won't matter to you, even though to outsiders a statement like that just reeks of protesting too much especially when you are so quick with the judgemental comments

but anyway, like I said, I have agreed with you on some occasions this evening, so I am not saying you are always wrong

but a bit of humility and humanity wouldn't go amiss, although I doubt that you are listening < shrugs >

enjoy the rest of your evening

Why are you with this guy , sounds like a great catch, not!

I haven't said that at all. I don't 'hate' anyone. I agree that I don't care how I come across. I do think there are a lot of bitches on here so I'm not going to pretend otherwise. If you think I'm a bitch, so be it - I won't lose any sleep over it. 'night.

'night