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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

B-day party: Should the rude and hissing little girl be invited or exculded from the rest of the class?

140 replies

TigerDad · 26/02/2011 19:07

Good day.
My wife and I need your opinion. Our daughter will be 8yrs old soon and we are planning a party, after skipping one last year. It will be at a well known London landmark, and we want it to go well and for our daughter and the other children to be happy.
We know that at my daughter's school all the classmates receive invitations to parties, and no one is excluded. This time however, my wife wants to exclude one girl in the class as she is a really irrating, rude, and insulting to our daughter, and to top it off, she hisses at her and my wife. The little girl in question is awful, and her parents are just as hideous.
My wife realizes that it is not generally acceptable to exclude a child, and she repeatedly reminds our daughter to just ignore the other little girl and to rise above it, but she feels that for our daughter's party she doesn't want the stress and negativity on the day. My wife is a bit fed up with always looking away from those that upset our daughter. I can see her point, but I feel if we don't invite the other little girl it will go around the (small) school and it will become 'an issue' and irrate the other parents at the school.
What do you recommend?
I think we should invite her, but just maybe ignore her! I have to say we hate all this pithy school stuff, but real life means you have to think about it.
Please let me know your thoughts.
Thank you.

OP posts:

CupAndSaucer · 26/02/2011 19:40

They'll probably be grateful you're bucking the trend!

ScarlettWalking · 26/02/2011 19:41

Hissing? That is really unusual how odd. I would invite fewer children but no would never exclude just one child from a whole class. It wouldn't sit well with me personally.

Greenshadow · 26/02/2011 19:44

WE never had whole class parties. No way would they all fit in our house and certainly couldn't afford to take them all out somewhere.

Don't worry about it.

rainbowinthesky · 26/02/2011 19:46

I think you need to become a little thickerskinned concerning what the other parents will think of you .

littlebylittle · 26/02/2011 19:48

I would be surprised if the other parents would not be grateful to you for readjusting the so called traditions of the school. And it is a useful life lesson that you don't always get invited to everything, even if you are nice.

Hullygully · 26/02/2011 19:49

Does she speak parseltongue?

recycledteen · 26/02/2011 19:50

Can remember the year of inviting all the class to a birthday party. Like going on a school trip. Can remember there were a few to be kept an eye on for one reason or another. Funnily enough, those are the kids who, though grown ups now, still remember it with a fondness.

I'd say invite this little imp. Treat her well and maybe she too will remember with fondness. I'd bet that like ours, she's missing out on something at home.

PS Can remember my mum not inviting someone to one of my birthday parties. Looking back, probably cos we lived with my grandpa and space for party was limited. Aged 7, I thought I'd tell her she wasn't invited then went home to tell my mum, who of course was horrified and said Yes she was invited and to go right back and say so.

Out of all the little girls who came to my party, she was the only one who acknowledged my baby brother and brought a present for him too. Book with stickers and which she helped him do. Boy, did I feel bad for my 'honesty'. Still do.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 26/02/2011 19:50

Hully

Just invite a few friends OP

kitbit · 26/02/2011 19:52

What Hecate said, both times, x1000.
I'd cut down the numbers and invite good friends only, bugger the tradition. At this age it's more usual anyway.
You must support your daughter though, you can't be seen to be endorsing or encouraging people who are mean to her, that's crap and unsupportive.

Booandpops · 26/02/2011 19:55

Tiger. Good plan. That's what I would do. Had a whole class party last yr and have no intention of doing that every year. Good for u not being a sheep

chickorita · 26/02/2011 19:58

Just because the other parents invite the entire class to parties, doesn't mean you need to follow suit.

You cannot invite the rest of the class and exclude one - well, you could, but it would be very cruel to an eight year old. Nor can you invite her and then ignore her for the afore mentioned reason. Can't quite believe you are contemplating either tbh.

mrsgetonwithit · 26/02/2011 19:58

We invite the whole class plus a dozen or more others every year...son is 9.

I want my son to remember wicked parties and it is only once a year.

And we have invited kids that i dont like brofre but because there are so many kids they just blend in........

TypoRiddled · 26/02/2011 20:04

I'd like to know specifics about her bad behaviour, OP.

Inviting-all-the-class parties seem to be very unusual around here. Either that or my DC are the ones usually left out. (sigh)

fulltimeworkingmum · 26/02/2011 20:09

Leave her out. If she makes youe child miserable, why would you want her at a party? Or her ghastly parents??

fulltimeworkingmum · 26/02/2011 20:10

Your child...tiny keyboard, sorry.

pigletmania · 26/02/2011 20:10

Well you dont have to do what everyone else is doing, if everyone were to jump off a bridge would you do it because everyone else is? Break from tradition, and just invite those who are closest to your dd. There are no rules to say what you have to do, you are a free thinking human being. Its actully nicer to have a smaller more intimate party anyway. Like someone has said many parents might breath a sigh of relief that you are doing things differently, and that they will not feel under pressure to invite the whole class.

mrsgetonwithit · 26/02/2011 20:13

Your child...tiny keyboard, sorry.

what does thatmean?

privategodfrey · 26/02/2011 20:15

mrsgetonwithit

It was correcting a typo from earlier (youe) and explaining it's because she is using a small keyboard on her laptop/phone

mrsgetonwithit · 26/02/2011 20:16

Sorry i must of missed that post....and thought it was code for something ha ha

princessparty · 26/02/2011 20:17

Yopu absolutely cannot exclude one child.Just be really strict with her.i am not sure your DD will care if this girl is rude when she's got plenty of other friends there.

privategodfrey · 26/02/2011 20:19

princessparty

The OP, Tigerdad, has already said he is going to invite a smaller group and not just exclude this child :)

pigletmania · 26/02/2011 20:21

Awww thats really sweet of that little girl recycledteen , dont think that this girl is like that somehow.

IveStillGotIt · 26/02/2011 20:24

I was the child that wasn't invited to party's when I was at school! Most of the party's when I was at school were just a few close friends plus cousins e.t.c.
However, one little bitch in my class, had a whole class party, and invited everyone except me, and took great delight in rubbing my face in it for weeks before hand, and got most of the class to do the same, making fun of me, and winding me up about it e.t.c.
However, my mum got wind of it, and on the day of the party, just turned up and dropped me off, and said to the little bitches parents "I presume ' invite got lost" and just left me on their door step!!! I was embarrassed at first, but after my mum buggered off there was nothing much they could do, but let me join in. The look on the little bitches face was priceless!!!
YABU, you can't invite everyone and leave one child out, it makes you a bully and encourages your DD to be the same.

Vallhala · 26/02/2011 20:31

Who says you can't invite the whole class except one? Whose party is it anyway?

Hecate put it far more eloquently than I ever could but suffice to say that you bloody well can invite the whole class bar one obnoxious child!

Doing otherwise does nothing to teach the child the consequences of her bad behaviour and nothing to indicate to your child that you sympathise with them and condemn the behaviour.

pigletmania · 26/02/2011 20:32

Wow thats cool of your mum IveSTillGotIt, how sad for you though, but you had the last laugh. I never had any parties, my mum just did not do them. I only got invited to two parties in the whole of primary/middle school, I wasn't really bothered and wasent aware if they were class or just a few friends. That is why they should just invite those close to the op's dd.

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