To not understand how someone can take their own life

[SunshineisSorry]

and just want to say - whatever seems so bad just now, may well not even matter this time tomorrow/next week/month/year.

Three suicides since xmas in our local area, same spot :( Two of these people known to me (not really personally, but to say hello to iyswim). Both of them, on the surface, had everything to live for. Seemingly succesful businesses, sorted lives, people i have evnvied. One guy - my age (40s), three daughters , gorgeous, WTF would he take himself off and stand in front of a fucking train? WHY???

I can't get my head round it, i just can't. I suffer from depression/anxiety and we are struggling with almost insurmountable debt, likely to lose our house - even at my very lowest ebb (and i have been low and completely irrational)i have a survival instinct because i cannot comprehend or even begin to think about the damage it would cause my children if i were to do such a thing.

I fluctuate between thinking that these people are selfish bastards, and weak, but i know deep down this is not true. I have often felt that my DDs would be better without me, but deep down i know this isn't true - even in moments of "madness" i just don't know how anyone could actually do it. I think i have been as close to suicidal as you can be without actually being it, if that makes any sense at all and thats what frightens me, things are stressful for us just now, but they are good, i have beautiful children and a loving DP and no matter what happens with the money stuff etc I HAVE A FUTURE!!

It pains me deeply that there is possibly someone i know, well or otherwise, a neighbour, a mnetter at this moment in time who actually believes that there life is worth nothing, that even if things are as shit as shit gets, there is no way out other than oblivion.

I can only conclude that there is something very very wrong in their brain chemistry. Can't face up to their lives, but can stand in the path of an oncoming train?

We need to, as human beings, have more empathy for others - we need to TAKE NOTICE of people. We go through our lives absorbed in our own problems and people who we assume are doing ok are as low as a human being can get.

It is quite common for another family member to "copy" a suicide. :(

Knowing this has ruined my life forever. I now worry whenever my husband is a bit down, and find myself bracing myself for the worst when I come home if I have gone out without him.

Suicide IS a selfish act, even though the person doing it is beyond thinking rationally at the time.

Its not too late Violet, have you asked her how she feels about it?

Violet, suicide is usually a very private thing. If you were to talk to any expert, I am sure they could reassure you that there is virtually no chance that your MIL would do anything to herself in front of the children.

I really really can understand your fears, but please be really open with your MIL and tell her exactly why you are being cautious. The more people are open with her and discuss what she has done, and reassure her that they love her, and the children love her, and that you wouldnt want to lose her, is a positive thing.

I echo what squeaky said, be open with her, express your concerns, she might be able to set your mind at rest.

I have been very low with PND, there was never any suggestion that i was a danger to my DD. Ever - the question was never asked my my doctor/health visitor, i TOLD them, i was fine with DD, it was about the only time i was fine tbh.

How does your DH feel about it?

When Dad decided to end his life he planned it. He wrote a nite that simply asked whoever found him to phone his sister and gave her number. I never saw the note but was told this is what it said.

He then took himself to a park and started taking paracetamol. After 2 packs he changed his mind and got himself to A&E. However he had had a problem with drink and that affected his liver. The number of pills he took compounded this damage and his system began to fail.

He was transferred to another hospital where I am told he spoke to nurses before eventually falling into a coma. This is when I got the phone call. I spent the next week watching him die and it was horrific.

He died in hospital but his death was officially suicide. The Police were involved and it was a few weeks before we were allowed a funeral.

I found it hard to forgive. Someone once asked if I would have felt differently if he'd died as the result of an accident or disease. Of course I would, these are things he would have had no control over.

:( balaclava

I tried very seriously to killl myself about 25 years ago, before children. I have been very depressed on other occasions, but not like this.

I literally thought I would always feel like I did then. I think when you get that low, your thinking becomes very muddled. Lots of things I thought then did not really make any sense.

I actually found it very easy to trake lots of tablets and was surprised at the time about how easy it was.

Writer, your posts are very moving, and I agree with nearly all of what you say. Your analogy with cancer patients is an excellent way of putting it, and is completly true. The only thing I would like to respectfully disagree with is this

It doesn't happen because the person can't deal with life, and it's not because they don't have coping strategies.

Sometimes it is just about an ability to cope. You are right that sometimes people can't cope but they don't get suicidal, I completely agree. But it's not always like like that. Sometimes people simply don't want their life, they just don't want to cope with things anymore, but that does not necessarily mean they are ill. I truly believe that. Sometimes the reason they don't have the coping strategy is because of mental illness, and sometimes it's because they just can't cope because it's too hard, or too scary, or too overwhelming, to upseting, heartbreaking etc, or a combination of lots of extreme emotions.

Your point about reactive depression is probably true in many cases, but I also believe that rational people sometimes choose to end their life for whatever reason.

I thought about suicide when my depression was really bad. It's not that I wanted to die as such I just couldn't stand to be in my life. The pain I felt was indescribable, like somebody had ripped out my very soul. My depression also manifested itself in a very physical way. My whole body ached, my head pounded, I felt constantly sick so couldn't eat. I heard voices and was absolutely convinced somebody was outside my house trying to get in to take my baby. I spent every day in a constant state of fear. I was basically in a living hell and I got to the point where I needed it to stop at any cost. Even if that meant taking my life.

Fortunately I was one of the lucky ones. The people around me intervened and I got help.

I'm in a better place now and can cope, but if I didnt have my children would I be here today? Probably not.

Writer has said everything I would want to say muhc mroe eloquently than I ever could.

I am one of those people who have come out the other side and everyone would say "good for her, she got on with life and look how brilliant it is". I'm lucky not to have felt suicidal for 6 years or so but do keep a close eye on my mental health as it is certainly a chemical imbalance with me which spirals out of control very quickly if I don't get help.

Having had one suicide attempt and seen how much I hurt everyone around me, I feel the guilt of it every day of my life and that is sometimes the one thing that forces me to get help when I start to feel down again as the guilt is an incredibly heavy burden to bear and often results in the depression escalating.

I would also agree with modadored...the other thing that keeps me going is my son. I can't begin to imagine what those of you have gone through who have lost parents and I can't say that having my son would prevent from attempting suicide if I got to those depths again, but having him makes me seek help the moment I know I need to - which is incredibly hard in itself.

So sorry to everyone who has lost people through suicide. It is not your fault.