to expect my Mother is look after my son....

[hoops997]

while my childminder is on holiday, and not ask for £200!!

OP didn't ask her mum to do this, she took up an offer.
If it was so important to the GM she should of asked or payment along side the offer.
Nasty behaviour.

Insurance is neither here nor there, she's not insured when you visit either other than just general home insurance. You can give your Mum £200 without making a song and dance about it so no need to treat her like a childminder.

Are you just annoyed because she smacked your DS? Why did she smack him? Has she ever done that before? Perhaps that's not the issue but it seems an extreme reaction.

I get the feeling that there seems to be something else going on, resentment bubbling under the surface about something or other.

Don't ask her to childmind again, sure, but no need to penalise her grandparenting visits. She's your Mum and your DS grandmother.

Sorry that it didn't work out for you both.

Why does it matter that it is her mum?
Yes name calling isn't nice but,, it is what it is.

I don't think there would be any mention of this if it was a friend of the OP would there?

I wouldn't let her have him without me there again.
Not only because she has physically abused your son, but you never know when she might want to 'make a point' and charge you for her privilege!

Lying, it seems it worked out fine for the GM, she got a weeks holiday pay and £200 for looking after her own grandson.

MadamDeathstare... If I were in OP's position, I'd be wondering whether my Mum was hard up, needed the money particularly or whether something else was wrong. I wouldn't leap to the conclusion that she was money-grabbing or any of the other assumptions made.

It does come down to the relationship that you have with your mother I suppose.

I don't think the full story is here but hopefully the OP has had her rant and most agree with her so she'll feel better now.

didn't realise your son was only 11 months - NO EXCUSE for smacking a child that young - they are too young to link the whole behaviour - punishment idea even if you believe in that for older children- so sad for you - best to have a talk with you mum about this and how it upsets you.

OTTMummA... It's an odd thing to happen though. If there's no previous history of it, what happened? If there is, why did OP ask her Mum or agree for her Mum to childmind in the first place.

As for the £200, I wouldn't begrudge it, it gets paid out anyway to the childminder and quite frankly, I'd rather my Mum had it. From reading some of the posts here, I think that there are quite a few posters who take advantage of DMs and DMILs for childcare. I wonder if they do nice things in return, give presents, etc. or whether they just feel terribly entitled to childcare, feeling that it's a priviledge for grandparents to mind grandchildren.

I think it's a shame when grandparents childmind... they're supposed to have the nice times, the special times, not have to bring up the grandchildren, yet some feel they have no choice or they will be villified and 'punished' in some way.

It doesn't sound like it was a picnic for the grandmother either. It's an odd relationship and very strained.

I can't understand why you didn't offer your mother money immediately after she said she would have your DS. My mother used to look after my DC 2 days/week years ago and I always paid her. I would have had to pay someone else. My friend always paid her parents, too.

I can understand that you wouldn't want to pay her for a one-off day and wouldn't expect to, but a whole week!

That said, £200 is a lot of money, more like professional childminding fees and the difference is, a CM wouldn't have smacked your DS, either.

I wouldn't fall out about it unless you want to, just chalk it up to experience and don't let her look after your DS again, particularly after the smacking thing. I can't believe she's do that to an 11-month old.

If my mother hit my 11month old I would report her for assault.

I really don't get this paying grandparents for looking after their own grandkids. Do the people suggesting this intend to charge their parents by the hour for doing their shopping or cleaning when they get too old and frail to do it themselves? Your responsibility to your kids doesn't end at 18 and yes I do think it is a duty of parents to help out their adult kids if they are able - just like it is a duty of adult children to help their parents out in their old age. Obviously not regular childcare, but the odd few days? Familial bonds count for very little if you will only look after your own grandchildren for monetary reward! Makes me quite sad that some people think this way.

Lying yes the op should have offered money to her mum to cover expenses and food, but £200 wtf!. You are saying that the op would pay her CM that money anyway, well the mum is the DS grandma, she is not stranger, a CM who does this as an occupation. The mum is an adult, the ops mum, she should have asked her for money in the beginning, instead of being dishonest.

hang on a bit-i am a granny of an 18 month old and i help when i can but i also work full time and have dd8 and dd 4wks so would not really see it as my place or responsibility to look after him paid or unpaid.
That said if you do your kids a favour you dont expect payment.

Libelulle, my 'duty' to my children ended when they became adults.
I do what I do for them because I want to, not because I have to.
And if they wanted me to look after their children every day then yes, they could pay me. I did my bit bringing them up.

NannyOgg there is where we differ. As far as I am concerned my duty to my children will end when I die; that is what I signed up for when I had them. Not for unreasonable demands, but for helping them out in a pickle? Definitely - to me, that is a duty, not just something you do because you feel like it.

But likewise, my duty to my parents is lifelong too. There is no way they will end up in an old people's home unless they want to go (my mum always claims it'd be a bit boring living with me)! That is what I see as the very definition of familial bonds - but I know many English people don't see it that way. On the continent I think this 'my job is done at 18' attitude is far rarer.

and of course looking after grandchildren every day - that counts as unreasonable demands. In this case it's probably pushing it a little bit - since OP's mum is working she could legitimately have refused, and a week is quite a long time. BUT to accept but only for money? That is where I think her whole attitude to familial bonds and responsibilities starts to look very peculiar indeed.

I agree libellulle, I am married to an Italian and my family are from Cyprus, and yes we do see this 'job done your 18 now' attitude quite a lot over here, but not on the Med. Though yes you have raised your children, they are still your children and will be until you die, so you dont stop being mum and dad at 18, yes ideally you would help out when you can. I would never expect my mum to look after dd in place of a CM or nursery though, that would be asking too much, and if she did I would pay her.

Why would you prefer to pay a CM than your mum to look after your DS?

Is it because you think your mum SHOULD WANT TO care for your ds for free whilst you are out earning? My parents struggle to pay their bills out of their pension. I would not expect them to have to fork out extra to accomodate my DC, for me and hubby to work (and rake it in).

I think the problem here is the way this has been done. You want your parents to want to spend time with your DC. You want GPs to love them and view them as special and enjoy being with them. To coldly ask for money in this way, means that the OPs mother has regarded this as a chore, as work and that is what has upset the OP.

I think that if the OPs mum had said that she needs a bit of financial help then the OP wouldn't have resented the money for a minute.

Totally true karma, its taking away that special grandparent grandchild relationship, and making it a business transaction, like between a CM and a parent. From what I have gathered the grandma offered to look after the gc, she should then have been honsest enough to ask for money for expenses to help with food, outings etc. She should not have offered and then ask for money after looking after her gc. Totally wrong, now evertime the grandma looks after the child if she does, the op will probably be wondering how much money she should pay her mother for it

As I said where my family comes from you dont stop being a parent once the child turns 18, you are a mum/dad until you die, and though yes your job is over rasing children, you should be able to help out occasionally, where you are able to.

My SIL expects my MIL to take holidays from work to mind her kids and does not pay her for doing so, despite the fact MIL is on a low wage and SIL earns megabucks.

I think that if you regularly rely on gp's and can afford other care and/or it is difficult or disadvantageous to them to care for your kids you should bloody well pay out - it's disrespectful to treat your parents as skivvies.

I certainly would not like to rely on gps for regular childcare, especially not pay as its just not fair, they want to enjoy their life and not to be bogged down day after day with kids. Occasionally is different, but every day.

Our children have one set of grandparents who have never wanted to spend any time with them, let alone look after them, and another two sets who love spending time with them and do it for the fun of it.

We don't have too much to do with the first set, but I don't think even they would have landed us with a bill after the fact. I also wouldn't be surprised if they smacked too whcih is another reason we wouldn't leave the children with them, but I'm really for you if this has all come out of the blue and is strange behaviour for your mother.

Sometimes after having children your family relationships get completely redefined. It's not always good and can be awful if you were expected it to be different in terms of getting more support.