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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to pay my sister to babysit?

31 replies

NacMacFeegle · 25/02/2011 09:34

I am starting up a business - been out of work a while and no prospect of more, so currently building up clientèle etc.

Sister took the kids for 2 hours yesterday so I could work.

Got an irate message from DM asking why I hadn't paid her.

She's 26, not a teen.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 25/02/2011 09:37

Does your dsis work?

I would have offered tbh

welshbyrd · 25/02/2011 09:37

When I originally seen the post I thought it was a teen sisters, so thought perhaps, would have been nicwe to give her a few dollars

But at 26, I would not expect to pay my sister for her watching my children, infact last year I had her 2 children for a 2 weeks while she and her DH went on hols, I still did not expect paying, its quality time with nieces and nephews
YANBU

feelingworthless · 25/02/2011 09:38

yanbu, I would never take any money from my brothers to babysit their children and vice versa but that's just me. Your sister obviously expected to be paid by the sounds of it

Portofino · 25/02/2011 09:39

I never expected payment for babysitting my nephews. Dsis would leave me a bottle of wine though....

JaxTellersOldLady · 25/02/2011 09:39

I dont think you are being unreasonable. I wouldnt pay my sister to look after my children.

Although if she is strapped for cash I would offer, or maybe buy something that she needed, shopping eg.

tryingtoleave · 25/02/2011 09:42

Not unless it is a regular thing. If it is a one off i think it is just the sort of favour a sister would do.

cakeywakey · 25/02/2011 09:42

YANBU and why is your mum texting about it? Surely your 26 year old sister is woman enough to bring it up herself if it is an issue for her. It may just be your Mum who's making it into an issue.

PeachyPossum · 25/02/2011 09:43

If it is intended to be a repeat thing then I would expect to pay. Not for a one off in the holidays though.

MollysChambers · 25/02/2011 09:46

Good grief is this not what families do? Help each other out from time to time?

YANBU

piprabbit · 25/02/2011 09:47

Is it DM or DSis who has a problem with the free babysitting?

Don't respond to DM. Have a chat with DSis to sort out future expectations.

Original poster
NacMacFeegle · 25/02/2011 09:47

Not an expected repeat, but she often offers to pick the big ones up from school (she likes spending time with DD), I guess I assumed it was just like that.

I think she's said to mum purely because she is more skint than usual for some reason.

OP posts:
nannyl · 25/02/2011 09:49

YANBU

if she needs paying then she needs to register herself as a CM, and do all the paperwork too.

Other wise she can look after her children as a one off in the holidays, and if / when she has children, you can look after them for a bit, if she needs a favour too.

Limara · 25/02/2011 09:52

''I think she's said to mum purely because she is more skint than usual for some reason.''

I don't think she expected to be paid but as she's so skint, she maybe took umbridge?

See this type of thing will be more prominent in the months to come with people struggling I reckon.

Original poster
NacMacFeegle · 25/02/2011 09:54

I guess so. I usually swap favours with friends, which is kind of easier as it is like for like IYKWIM. But we are trying to start a community thing - like swapping a Yoga lesson for some gardening, that type of stuff. Maybe we should add babysitting in!

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 25/02/2011 09:59

Friends help me out when I'm ill or babysit when dh and I go out - usually dd's godmother - and I never pay... never occured to me. It's a favour which I repay with favours (babysitting for them etc). DD's godmother's dd is now 14 and very responsible so she might babysit at some point and I would pay her but that is different.

If it was regular you could organise something but for a one-off? Nope, she's an auntie and so ridiculous to suggest it after the event. If she wanted payment she should have mentioned it before hand!

seeker · 25/02/2011 10:04

Is it going to be regular? If it is you need to factor child care into your costs - even if your sister will do it for free she might not ba able to sometime and if you haven't budgettid for it you might be in trouble.

lesley33 · 25/02/2011 10:08

I wouldn't expect to get paid. But really it depends on your family. Do you all help each other out? If you do then she is being VU. If you ask her for help but never help her back, then I can see her point more.

ImeldaSnowboots · 25/02/2011 10:09

Think it would be polite to offer to pay or buy her a take-away, that kind of thing, esp if she's short of money.

vintagesocks · 25/02/2011 10:21

could you not just talk to each other about it now, if it is a problem? If it's your Mum doing the prodding, you've a perfect opportunity to say to your DSis that your Mum thought you shoud have paid her, which you'd be happy to/would pay her "in kind" with another favour/help her out (depending on what you are prepared to do!)

  • does seem that she might be needing your help, one way or another, and talking through DM is not sensible for grown up people!!
controlpantsandgladrags · 25/02/2011 10:24

I would have thought it would be unusual to pay a relative for a one off babysit.......especially if it was only a couple of hours. If she wanted paying she should have made that clear beforehand rather than complaining to your DM afterwards. In your situation it would annoy me that she had gone to DM to complain rather than just calling to tell me she had been expecting payment.

If she expects to be paid to childmind, she needs to register as a childminder too!

Original poster
NacMacFeegle · 25/02/2011 10:28

Imelda, she is often here, and I include her in meals etc, if we get a takeaway I pay for hers every time.

Controlpants, exactly, if I am paying for childcare, then I want it to be registered and of a pretty high standard!

seeker, childcare is factored in, but I am waiting to start the steps to work programme (I will get support with it then until earning). So this was planned to be a one or at most two off! I think I am going to arrange playdates or similar for the next time though.

OP posts:
GiddyPickle · 25/02/2011 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NacMacFeegle · 25/02/2011 10:31

No petrol money required or used. Smile

She's on JSA, so I appreciate that is tough.

OP posts:
TanteAC · 25/02/2011 10:42

Wow,I would be hurt if my dsis or dsis-il offered me money for helping out with my family!

Although if it were a regular thing and she is struggling, perhaps.

But actually nooooo! YANBU! Grin

ImeldaSnowboots · 25/02/2011 10:43

YANBU then, v unreasonable for your mum to be moaning about it, but my DMum very over-protective of my younger DSis too, she's 33!

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