... to question the split of childcare cost with XP ?

[Gster]

Should start of by saying I'm a guy. Not that I think it makes any difference here.

Split with XP recently, still trying to sort out access times and money amicably.

Although I currently give her £630pm + cost of shoes, half of DDs holiday costs, family meals out etc, I'm going to suggest I reduce it to the CSA calculation ( £350 ) and split any other DD costs 50:50 including nursery costs from September.

However, my XP, who is pretty well sorted financially with no mortgage and a hundred grand in the bank, want's me to split the childcare costs for when she's working.

She has a mothers dream job in media. Gets around £200ph and works anywhere betweene 2 - 10 hours a week. But if she has a one hour job for an hour in the morning she'll get childcare ( if granny can't do it ) in for the morning to cover.

She'd like me to pay 50% of this. Am I being unreasonable to think I should offer less than 50% of this ? She keeps telling me she's doing me a favour by looking after DD in the week and thus saving full time nursery costs.

You're contradicting yourself - you say in your second para that you're going to split all costs including nursery costs 50:50 then you say you don't think you should pay half of your DD's childcare costs.

Which is it? And fwiw I presume you work full time so yes, she is providing free childcare for your DD when she's not working

I'd say shes right (sorry).

You both work and childcare is both of your responsability.

It would cost you much more if she worked longer hours, so in that respect you are lucky :)

U said u wanted to reduce maintenance then split all other costs 50/50 including child-care, so lil confused why u later say u don't want to pay 50% of child-care. I think if u r dropping from 630 to 350 pm that a huge drop so 50% of child-care for mornings etc is hardly gonna be noticeable, u r gonna save quite a lot pm anyway so yes suggest coming inline with actual maintenance costs to covering every day needs and split 50/50 on childcare and other stuff. Your ex is very lucky. Most ppl get a lot less maintenance and that has to cover everything.

Doing you a favour by looking after your DD in the week? she souinds like a charmer! I would have said yes to splitting, but you are already paying over and above the recommended amount by CSA, as i think is correct and i think you should continue to buy "stuff " for your daughter. But when it comes to childcare costs - i think she needs to take that out of the money you alredy give her tbh. Its not like she is struggling

Why are people being harsh with the OP, is it because he is a man?

Hang on corona if his ex worked long hrs it still wouldn't cost any more cos its not hs responsibility anything above and beyond maintenance is to help his ex and give dd a better life. He shouldn't foot the bill for every whim his ex has. Holiday? Designer clothes? What next!

I think so sunshine!

I dont think that the current guidlines for calculating child matinance are fair.

The ops ex is providing childcare most of the time so the op is lucky he dosnt have to pay for full time childcare.

Paying for childcare is in no way the same as forking or designer clothes or a holiday.

YABU. Your ex is right, she does provide you with childcare whilst you are working. If (heaven forbid) your ex was to be hit by a bus tomorrow and you then had full custody of your DD, it would cost you a significant amount in childcare costs in order for you to continue working. By caring for your DD, she saves you an enormous amount of money (and presumably did while you were still together).

I think that either you need to stick to your current arrangement, or accept that 50% of the cost of your DD includes childcare so that your XP is able to work.

I think 350 pm will more than cover a lil ones needs and anything above is great. Your right maintenance isnt calculated right, as it doesn't take in to account what a child needs, just what a guy earns.

Childcare is the mothers responsibility (or whoever full time care is) its the price we pay for getting to tuck our little ones up every night.

Seriously Flojo?!

have to admit that my ex paid the csa rate but without invlving them and then half of childcare on top.
if you both want to work similar hours then it should be split!

I dont think it should be about the amount of money, but the shairing of all responsability including financial [responsability] involved with bringing up this (or any) child.

If the op had his dc 50% of the time, he would have to sort childcare to be able to work.

The fact his ex is able to work less hours than most is just lucky.

This is the difference between a parent and a weekend Dad/Mum.

It's a fact grump, the full time carer is responsible for childcare the judge in a court room told me that! And I get much less than op ex and manage nicely.

It's not about whether the parent with full time care can "manage nicely". It's about both parents taking full financial and emotional responsibility for a child that they both created and are each 50% responsible for.

That may well be the law (?) but its not right.

That's true corona some guys r just happy to be wkend play mates, and that is usually regardless of whether they r together or split!

Yes grump, but that financial responsibility is calculated in the maintenance costs. Regardless whether its right or wrong.

As for 50% emotional responsibility, its not likely is it, most parents who r together don't have that, usually one parent has to work longer hrs there for the responsibility usually lies with whoever is home most of the time.

I think the way CSA is calculated is pretty crap (but as I don't have a better suggestion and even if I did no one would listen!!), however, it's the system we have.

Normally I feel that if the RP and the NRP earn an equal amount or if the NRP earns more then yes, the childcare costs should be either paid by the NRP or split enabling the RP to work if they want to.
I also think other costs should be split as well so that both parents are left with some disposable income.

In your case, if your XP is able to earn such good money in an hour and it's a lot more than you do why should you pay additional money for childcare? I also think you need to look at the other things you are paying for as I think you are being taken for a bit of a mug.

But just because thats how some people calculate it that way dosnt mean that everyone has to.

I try to do what is right by my dc regardless of what others do.

Right thing is one thing but 630 quid pm, who in there right mind spends 1260 quid on a kid pm? That's not 50/50 that's a pee take!

How is it a pee take? Rent (due to having a larger house for children), increased council tax and utility bills for said house, food, nappies in the early years, increased grocery bills, clothing, childcare costs, (mine are currently £250 pw for part time care (3 kids)), money for things at school, any clubs or activities they do, days out. Children cost a lot of money, and not all of it is obvious.

Sorry, meant to say rent OR mortgage (realise the ex in the OP is mortgage free but speaking generally).

They don't cost that much! The increase in utilities and council tax rent etc is debatable! And 1260 pm is way over a bit of extra gas!