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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sternly tell a teenager off in a swimming pool changing room for swearing?

114 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 24/02/2011 16:11

She was calling her friends, very loudly, a bunch of bastards.

I said "stop that now, that is not appropriate in front of all these children."

She walked off muttering, I then asked her to apologise, to which she said she wouldn't as she wasn't sorry, but wouldn't do it again. Hmm

I repeated that I would like her to apologise for causing offence, and she again refused saying that she didn't need to apologise to anybody if she didn't want to.

All the other moms were muttering about her being a disgrace, the life guard eventually got her to grudgingly apologise to the room and told me later that they already knew who she was because of her attitude.

My friend who was with me told me she wouldn't have got involved, but I feel that this sort of behaviour needs to be challenged, albeit I normally do it in a more gentle, "Come on,guys" sort of way. I was just so shocked at the word and the volume that I went straight into cross mom mode.

What I'm really asking is AIBU to speak to an unknown child about her behaviour?

OP posts:
OliveMalay · 25/02/2011 01:33

YANBU

bupcakesandcunting · 25/02/2011 08:26

Ahhhh thanks, Ramona :)

smokingnuns · 25/02/2011 10:44

Agree with the others - and you OP! - that the forced apology was too much and humiliating. I'd 'force' an apology from my own teens but not somebody else's. I personally don't think bastards is too bad a word, though appreciate it was inappropriate in the circumstances. YWNBU to challenge her.

When I was a teen I was in the park and mouthing off, showing off, using some very colourful language - yes, kids present. I was shouting fucking this, fucking that etc. I thought I was so cool Blush. To my horror I saw that my (grown-up) neighbour was there with his kids. I can't tell you the shame and embarrassment I felt. To this day I remember it and still find it hard to look him in the face - we're talking probably 30-odd years later. Ridiculous of me, but it had that much of an impact. I am so grateful he didn't humiliate me.

She said she wouldn't do it again - that surprised me when I read it, I respected her for saying that in front of her friends. That was the place for you to stop imo. Agree that most teens are all front.

Hullygully · 25/02/2011 10:47

I can't believe you did that.

There is no need for such utter, utter public humiliation, none at all. You could have just asked her to say sorry. Really.

bupcakesandcunting · 25/02/2011 10:57

Some people pay good money for public humiliation.

Hullygully · 25/02/2011 10:58

I know you think it's funny, bupcakes, but making her strip off and kneel was going a bit too far IMVHO.

SardineQueen · 25/02/2011 11:05

It's probably only me that feel sorry for the girl. If that were me (and yes I did say "bastards" when out and about with my friends aged 15/16) I would have gone home and had a good sob and would never ever visit that pool again.

FGS a bunch of teens joking with each other doesn't make it right to utterly humiliate them like this.

People saying it's different to treat a teenage girl like this but it wouldn't be OK with an adult - WTF?

I'm quite astounded actually. What a horrible thing.

And as for the person who said they were scum - get a grip.

SardineQueen · 25/02/2011 11:09

bupcakes it has been stated that all teenagers who use swearwords are scum. I think you would be hard pressed to find a teenager who has never sworn.

Hullygully · 25/02/2011 11:33

Let the teenagers swear. Let them shout their sweary joyous heads off. For fuck's sake. Were you never young?

And don't make them strip and plead. It's just plain wrong.

SardineQueen · 25/02/2011 11:38

I think I have over-empathised with the girl in this situation as I'm sitting here feeling really sad for her.

Slightly concerned that as a 37year old mother of 2 preschoolers I'm empathising with the stropulent sweary teen rather than the mum Confused but there you have it.

Hullygully · 25/02/2011 11:44
earwicga · 25/02/2011 18:39
Lemonsole · 25/02/2011 19:32

There are ways and means of communicating with teens. If the desired effect is for the swearing to stop and for them to think about the impact of what they are doing, I have always found that the lines, " hey, if you are old enough to use that sort of language, you are old enough to understand not to use it when there are young children around"

Doesn't belittle them (the oppososite) and encourages them to take responsibility for themselves.

I've used this a few times in the park, and it has always resulted in an apology, even though none was requested.

Lemonsole · 25/02/2011 19:32

Opposite, even

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