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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sternly tell a teenager off in a swimming pool changing room for swearing?

114 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 24/02/2011 16:11

She was calling her friends, very loudly, a bunch of bastards.

I said "stop that now, that is not appropriate in front of all these children."

She walked off muttering, I then asked her to apologise, to which she said she wouldn't as she wasn't sorry, but wouldn't do it again. Hmm

I repeated that I would like her to apologise for causing offence, and she again refused saying that she didn't need to apologise to anybody if she didn't want to.

All the other moms were muttering about her being a disgrace, the life guard eventually got her to grudgingly apologise to the room and told me later that they already knew who she was because of her attitude.

My friend who was with me told me she wouldn't have got involved, but I feel that this sort of behaviour needs to be challenged, albeit I normally do it in a more gentle, "Come on,guys" sort of way. I was just so shocked at the word and the volume that I went straight into cross mom mode.

What I'm really asking is AIBU to speak to an unknown child about her behaviour?

OP posts:
maltesers · 24/02/2011 20:26

They can be rude.
Yesterday i was told to " 'cuse me" when i was looking at DVD's in HMV. . .just cos a teenager couldnt see the DVD's he wanted to look at. . .Well, i was there first and needed to be standing just where i was thankyou . Plus, they shouted and shouted inside the shop. Felt like telling them to shutup.
They are cheeky little sods.

Riddo · 24/02/2011 20:26

I challanged a man who was swearing at his dog calling it an Fing c and all sorts of other things in front of me and mindee (3).

I said "Do you have to use language like that in front of a small child?"

He said "Oh bollocks, sorry love" and looked shamefaced.

YWNBU to challange her, I wish more people did and then perhaps people would think more especially when young children are present.

I had a lot of explaining to do to mindee about bad words and anger. Later on mindee said "I go under my bed and say rude words". When quizzed mindee said "Oh poo and things like that" so hopefully he didn't take the other rude words on board.

AgentZigzag · 24/02/2011 20:27

I'm not sure I get the reluctance to force the DC to apologise when they don't mean it.

Apologising for something unprompted, if you mean it, says you feel bad for any hurt or offence you may have caused that person.

But children have to be taught that they 'owe' apologies to someone they've wronged.

In that learning process, they may have to apologise when they really don't mean it.

Not just so they can learn how to rectify any mistakes they've made, but to be seen to acknowledge they've done something wrong.

I think the being seen to acknowledge is on an equal footing with learning and understanding the rules of how to interact sucessfully with other people and resolving conflict.

So if your DC don't feel sorry, do the posters who don't believe in forcing them to say it unless they do, don't get them to apologise?

usualsuspect · 24/02/2011 20:31

Not all teenagers are going to knife you in the face

my ds swears, he ain't scum though or maybe you think he is?

bupcakesandcunting · 24/02/2011 20:31

One time, I remonstrated with some chavs youths about their rustic language and I was SO ready for a ruck, I was totally taken aback when they were really apologetic and embarrassed that I turned into a moron and went "Oh don't worry about it, his father says "Fuck's Sake" in front of him all the time"

What. A. Twat.

bupcakesandcunting · 24/02/2011 20:32

"Not all teenagers are going to knife you in the face"

Yes they are. You clearly do not keep abreast of current affairs.

usualsuspect · 24/02/2011 20:34

well maybe in your world ..but not in mine

ivykaty44 · 24/02/2011 20:35

YANBU Grin I told some girls off in the changing room for swearing at the younger dc they were with and they had all been running around screeching.

That is not acceptable to swear

they muttered sorry and not another peep was heard from them Grin

my own dd2 was mortified Shock and walked quickly aways from me so they wouldn't know I was her mum Blush

I did have great effect though..

so I must be a scary mary

earwicga · 24/02/2011 20:36

I stopped the car in the middle of the road once to have a go at some teenagers who were tauting a cat with a dog. Half of the little fuckers ran away when I got out the car. And I'm quite small Grin I didn't use humour on that ocasion.

earwicga · 24/02/2011 20:36

They must have forgotten to stab me in the face Bupcakes ;)

Goblinchild · 24/02/2011 20:36

Do you have teenagers of your own bupcakes?
All the ones I currently know are lovely.

bupcakesandcunting · 24/02/2011 20:38

ADon't get uppity, Usual No-one said ALL teenagers. I said the teenagers in my area, and even that was said with a certain amount of tongue-in-cheek.

usualsuspect · 24/02/2011 20:39

I hate the vilifying of teenagers,,get used to it, your lovely innocent children will swear too one day Shock

gordyslovesheep · 24/02/2011 20:43

I'm with Usual on this - you where perfectly within your rights to ask her to stop swearing but NOT to force an appology

Teenagers are ACE I work with them - they can be right little sods but they are on the whole not all knife carrying hoodies looking to score some white lightining and get your daughters pregnant or themselves up the duff for a cowncil ouse

Honestly the vast majority of teens are lovely if a bit sweary and eye rolly

bupcakesandcunting · 24/02/2011 20:47

OP has stated, for the record, that she realises she was wrong to try and force an apology.

Not the vilifying of teenagers. A tongue-in-cheek response about children in an area of Britain. No-one said ALL teenagers and fwiw, no-one called all teenagers "scum" so not sure why you said that about your son? You seem very defensive on the matter.

My son swore at the age of two

Amen.

usualsuspect · 24/02/2011 20:49

So Bubcakes has spoken ....
stop the thread

worraliberty · 24/02/2011 20:49

I would have said something too although not forced the apology.

Sadly I hear more parents swearing at their children and in front of their children than I do teenagers these days Sad

bupcakesandcunting · 24/02/2011 20:50

Yes, do stop the thread. You have nothing more to add to this Usual.

Jesus fucking christ...

earwicga · 24/02/2011 20:55

Is that what your son said at 2 Bupcakes?

My 8 year old said 'oh my fucking god' earlier. I was so surprised I laughed.

bupcakesandcunting · 24/02/2011 20:57

No, mine said "fuck's sake" (I wasn't lying to the youths) He used it in context, when DH got cut up at a busy roundabout, which was both cheering and worrying.

bupcakesandcunting · 24/02/2011 20:57

Also said it to my mum 2 weeks later when he fell of his bed.

begonyabampot · 24/02/2011 21:00

'Sadly I hear more parents swearing at their children and in front of their children than I do teenagers these days'

passed some young women (assumed they were the mothers) with some very young children the other day and one woman was effing and blinding at one of the young children - it was awful but though I thought about it - no way was I interfering. At least teenagers have more of an excuse and will hopefully grow out of it.

LittleMissHissyFit · 24/02/2011 21:08

I am astonished at some of the posts on this thread.

That child with the foul mouth absolutely ought to have been told to apologise, it is unacceptable to be mouthing off in public in the earshot of small children.

I was listening to Too Much Too Young on radio this morning and it always makes me smile how then it was considered risque to use Cap and Contraception, and he called someone a Silly Moo... Terry Hall was pretty rough and ready in those days, but the most he could get away with was Silly Moo, or he'd have been banned from the airwaves.

Now (Recently) we have Justin Timberlake saying the MF word, JT a singer grown from Disney programmes, so a hit with the kids

Mumford and Sons, "I really F*ucked it up this time" So i have to skip the CD off a song my 5yo adores because they have to include a swear word in the chorus. Lily Allen, giving head and wet patches.. our kids are learning from all this

Ironic perhaps, but WTF? Grin

Day in day out we hear stories of young teen boys verbally abusing young girlfriends, the over sexualisation of children, plus the language, talk about running before they can walk...

Our society's children are using language they don't fully understand, calling each other horrifically abusive terms, joking with the word RAPE, and saying bastards in front of mothers and their small children.

Women are being denigrated through this hate speech and boys stereotyped into macho thugs. It's like they are a human RL version of some dreadful Reality TV type computer game.

Foul language has its places, a changing room full of families is not one of them, I hope that child will think before she opens her mouth the next time.

bupcakesandcunting · 24/02/2011 21:10

What song does Justin Timberlake say MFers in? Confused The precocious little tit.

RamonaFlowers · 25/02/2011 00:53

This thread is all class Hmm

Wonderful contributions from bupcakes.