To think my XH should NOT be ringing me about this

[itisnotgoingwelltoday]

I am a regular but have name changed.

And this is an incredibly small petty thing but has annoyed me out of all proportion so I suspect IABU.

XH is picking DD up from school today and having her for tea etc.

He does this every Thursday afternoon.

There is an after school club - she goes every week.

He had the DC's at the weekend and dropped them to school on Monday morning, AND PAID FOR THE AFTER SCHOOL CLUB

So, I got a text from him "Can you please confirm asap if DD is at after school club today. I need to know what time to pick her up"

I texted back to say that yes, she was at after school club as usual.

He then phoned and said he just wasn't sure and he'd phoned me because he knew I would know.

AIBU to think he paid for the club, he sent the money in on Monday, it's not up to me to know what DD is doing on his watch?

He's being a numpty, ofcourse he should know if he's paid for it I hope you told him so!

It is half term in most places. perhaps he wondered if that affected the after school clubs?

Doesnt seem that unreasonable a question, or one to get irritated by.

YANBU to think that he should know what DD is up to.

Maybe YABateensybitU in that you probably are the best person to ask since he is a useless fuckwit that cannot connect the dots is unsure of what is happening.

I guess I can see why it's annoying, but it's better he's the kind of parent who will check rather than be all flaky and not collect DC's/pay for ASC etc?

maybe you should just direct him to confirm with the school if he can't remember. How would you actually know if he paid or not anyway?

Or is he looking for excuses to talk with you perhaps?

Sarsaparillla yes I did! I was tempted to say "I have no idea" but thought that would be a bit petty.

But I am still fuming 4 hours later.

Which is why I think I may be BU.

But he just rings me instead of WRITING IT DOWN ON A CALENDAR which has totally irritated me

would she be in school for him to pick her up, if it was half term?

BTW my kids were on half term last week

I don't understand why he needed to check with me though, when he filled the form in and sent the money in for the blooming club ON MONDAY morning?

yabu to even ask if yabu! of course you are!! he doesnt know if you changed her plans does he? hes not a bloody mindreader tuts

But I wouldn't change plans he had made for his afternoon/evening with her without talking to him!

She always goes to after school club on a Thursday, his choice because it suits HIM as HE is the one who is picking her up.

Why would I change that since it's nothing to do with me?

YANBU. He paid for the afterschool club, he should have checked then if it was all still the same arrangement!
Drives me bats that they need us to think of all the minutiae for them, and in your case, you're not even married to him any more and he STILL expects you to think for him!!

Still, better than him forgetting about it and leaving her there alone, I suppose.

hows it nothing to do with you? shes your child of course it is to do with you!

tallulah I don't think you exactly have a grasp of this situation...

I think you are being a bit U. If you were still married, you would probably think he was being a bit of an idiot for not knowing, despite having paid for it, but you would probably not give it any more thought. I may be wrong, but perhaps the fact that he is an ex, means that you now see all his faults.

I agree that he should know, but in the great scheme of things, this is very little. At least he is the kind of father who does pay for her club and does care enough to check that he needs to collect her. I know you should be able to take that for granted, because he is her dad, but so many exH are crap.

Tallulah - it's his afternoon/evening with her, he has chosen for her to go to this club, and he has paid for it.

How is it to do with me? His time with her, his choice what he does?

Or am I wrong to act this way?

Thumbwitch - I think that's what has annoyed me so much, he does this a lot, we aren't married anymore, he chose for her to do this club to suit him, and yet I'm expected to know if she is going or not?

Karma - in the grand scheme of things, he isn't a crap dad. And he does pay for the club - but only half the time. We alternate weekends, and drop the kids to school on a Monday morning, so half the time I pay for the club iyswim? Even though DD only goes to accomodate him (not complaining, the club isn't expensive and she enjoys it)

But he is useless at remembering stuff and I regularly get phone calls from the school to say he's forgotten to send different things (stuff like sports kit, swimming gear that kind of stuff).

And it has just irritated me that he phoned ME when it is his arrangement that he made to suit him.

And yes, he has always done this. And yes it has always irritated me.

So I may be being Slightly U

Only slightly though . It would probably annoy me too, but I am generally unreasonably irritated by little things!

YABU to let your ex wind you up so much, when he wasn't even deliberately triyng to annoy you.

Chill out. Enjoy your afternoon without your DD, and be glad that at least your Ex is involved in his DD's life.

Of course you are being U. The bloke just wanted to check nothing had changed, or to confirm the arrangement, or maybe he'd simply got confused. Either way, give the bloke a break.

I suspect IANBU to think he should blooming well WRITE IT ON A CALENDAR

But B eversoslightly U to still be pissed off 3 hours or more later

Can I just ask - does anyone think I'm doing the wrong thing in taking the attitude "his time his choice what he does"

BTW I expect that to work both ways. I really really try very hard not to interfere in what he does, even when I don't like it very much?

I have to say, it sounds an awful lot like it's not the phone call you're angry with him about...

Jim - I just wish he would write the stuff down and then this kind of thing would stop

Shineoncrazydiamond - I'm not fuming, I'm just irritated iyswim?

Oh and for the record, I'm not bitter.

But this type of phone call / text with me picking up after stuff he should know about and doesn't goes on week after week after week and it is grinding me down.