To think my XH should NOT be ringing me about this

[itisnotgoingwelltoday]

I am a regular but have name changed.

And this is an incredibly small petty thing but has annoyed me out of all proportion so I suspect IABU.

XH is picking DD up from school today and having her for tea etc.

He does this every Thursday afternoon.

There is an after school club - she goes every week.

He had the DC's at the weekend and dropped them to school on Monday morning, AND PAID FOR THE AFTER SCHOOL CLUB

So, I got a text from him "Can you please confirm asap if DD is at after school club today. I need to know what time to pick her up"

I texted back to say that yes, she was at after school club as usual.

He then phoned and said he just wasn't sure and he'd phoned me because he knew I would know.

AIBU to think he paid for the club, he sent the money in on Monday, it's not up to me to know what DD is doing on his watch?

Can't really see the problem.

I think YANBU; you're not his secretary.

If it was a one off, then it would be a different thing - but based on your posts it's a pattern of behaviour that he knows you will keep an overview of what needs to be done, and what the children need/are doing, which allows him to act like a child and not keep up with what your child is doing EVEN when it's something he arranged.

He could have double checked by ringing the school, just I'm sure you would have double checked if you were confused about your own arrangements with afterschool club on your days as easily as ringing you to check couldn't he?

We do shared parenting. And sometimes both of have double checked arrangements. I don't see it as a big deal. Unless it's a control thing.

ya know something, if something this stupid makes you angry for over 3 hours then you must lead a very sad life! ffs the guy asked you a question, big deal, get over it, ya spent the afternoon you should be enjoying moaning about him, maybe you should have went with him if you need to spend so much time thinking about him

I would of thought this is his way of checking that your dd has gone to school, therefore gone to after school club.

Earwicga - I'm confused, why would he not think they had gone to school?

YABU,

My mum picks my 2 lads up EVERY thursday for tea, but every single week i ring her to remind her / check she is still getting them / let her know they are both in school.

Its called being responsible surely?

FioFio - mine were off half term last week

But Totoros it's not MY arrangement - It's an arrangement HE makes with the SCHOOL - he sends in the form, he pays for it, nothing to do with me

Did he take them to school?

No I always take them on a Thursday morning and he picks them up, every week. If there is a problem, I ring and let him know.

FioFio - I don't know. He GOT the form on the weekend and he filled it in to say she was going - not me, him, nothing to dowith me.

And I have said I do know that he's not a deadbeat dad but it is irritating

Well, it seems that he doesn't trust that you would let him know, that's why he texts you. I expect that this is really what pisses you off.

you think thats unpleasnt stewie but her complaining a about a man who cares about his daughter isnt??

strange!!

Thing is, she only goes on a Thursday and Friday, it's the same two days every week

He knows I'll let him know - I always do, he's the one who forgets stuff, not me lol

It is just annoying that he cannot organise himself without expecting me to pick up the slack for him and this is just one example of that, but then he was always like this and I can't expect him to change.

Tallulah - I am not suggesting that he doesn't care about his daughter. I have not said that at all.

What I was complaining about was that he expects me to know what arrangements HE has made for HIS daughter on HIS time when HE has her, not me.

Can't you see that?

Stewie - he had the kids half the holiday so he knew it was half term last week

oh YANBU OP. This would irritate the hell out of me too.

The best I ever had was "can you ring me an hour before I'm due to come round to yours to remind me please"

(this was for an arragement that was made on the Thursday, confirmed on the Saturday, and the arragenment was on the Sunday. He has a bleeding phone that you can put reminders on if he doesn't want to use the calendar. I don't ring any of my (much younger and much scattier ) babysitters and hour before they're due to "remind" them - so why in gods name a 36yr old needs one I don't know.

you are moaning that he cares enough to check with you if anything has changed!!!