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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not care if someone phones our house after 9pm?

44 replies

hattyyellow · 23/02/2011 21:33

Dh thinks to phone someone after 9pm is the height of rudeness and chunters away about it when they do.

I have several friends who have several small children each and also work some of the week. As in our house, they often don't sit down to eat until 8pmish. So if they need to call someone in the evening, it's probably going to be knocking 9pm. This doesn't bother me, it's not every night and after 9pm means I will have eaten/got stuff done etc.

After 10pm might bother me, but this rigid 9pm rule seems slightly ridiculous. In fact, call me a commoner but I'd never heard of this rule of telephone etiquette before I met DH.

AIBU?

OP posts:
lorisparkle · 23/02/2011 21:36

I was also brought up to believe that you did not phone after 9pm unless it was very important and certainly not after 10pm. DH on the other hand thinks this is all very strange and will call people after 9pm without a qualm. I don't know where the 9pm 'rule' came from but it is certainly one my parents.

scrappydappydoo · 23/02/2011 21:36

I think if you have friends of the same opinion its fine. But I wouldn't do it to someone who I don't know is ok with it. Personally I hate it - I physically shudder and automatically assume its bad news of some kind - ditto unexpected phoning before 9am

Heifer · 23/02/2011 21:40

I have the not after 10.00pm rule.

It's often just after 9.00 when I get around to sitting down to make the call, and tbh I often assume if the same for the person I am calling...

I would be more annoyed when someone calls between 7-8 as that is usually when I am sorting out DD.

bamboobutton · 23/02/2011 21:40

was also bought up never to phone after 9pm, unless it's an emergency, as it is very rude. not sure why it's rude though, i guess it's because people are settled down for the evening.

i never phone after 9pm and do get annoyed if people call me after 9pm, usually as i am curled up on the sofa and have to get up to answer the phoneGrin

Catnao · 23/02/2011 21:43

I don't care if people phone after 9 pm either. I try to not do it myself, as I know other people do care!9pm isn't that late in our house, but maybe it is for some?

themothershipcalling · 23/02/2011 21:44

Only my DM would call after 9pm, it wouldn't bother me if other people called but def not after 10.

I also don't like it when people text me after 10.

ballstoit · 23/02/2011 21:45

Hmm, well if one of my friends texts me, or rings me herself after 9 then I'd be happy to do the same with them IYSWIM. Wouldnt ring my Grandad or Sis after 9 as they're likely to be in bed. Will ring my mum up til 11 because I know she'll be up til midnight.

So, blah blah blah YANBU

TRIsTheArseEndOfAMouldyBanana · 23/02/2011 21:46

wouldn't bother me

after 11 would make me think something was wrong

before 8am would make me think something was wrong

but I wouldn't get arsey about it

androbbob · 23/02/2011 21:46

Well I am of the not after 9pm camp too. Not sure where it came from but I tend to look at the clock and think 'ooh its after nine so too late to phone'. The exceptions are my SIL who has said call at any time and one friend who is happy for me to call just after nine. If I do call I always qualify it by saying I hope its not too late or I am not disturbing you. I also have a couple of friends who will text to ask if it is convenient to call for a chat!

I think it is an old fashioned thing but my BIL ofern phones between 10 and 10.30pm - we generally know it is him!

I would also not call anyone before 9am in the morning or before 10 on a sunday!

Original poster
hattyyellow · 23/02/2011 21:49

Isn't it a rather old-fashioned rule that is incompatible with modern family life? I mean if you're at work all day you can't call friends for chat. If you have small children with you all day it's hard to have an uninterrupted chat with a friend either for longer than 3 minutes.

If you have small children to get to feed/bath/bed, then anyone calling between 5-8pm is going to get a very brief chat in my house...

OP posts:
huddspur · 23/02/2011 21:49

It would depend on who was calling me to be honest, I'd take a call from certain people at whatever time.

mumbar · 23/02/2011 21:50

I got bought up with the 9pm thing too. Hmm

My friend is a teacher and I'm doing OU degree. We both work in the evenings (planning/uni stuff) and her DH works late, gets home about midnight. So we will often speak at about 10/10.30pm. Kinda pre agreed though iyswim??

Original poster
hattyyellow · 23/02/2011 21:51

And most people have answering machines nowadays. My mum had the motto "a ringing phone is a request to talk, not an order".

(Not a very catchy motto but an appropriate one!)

If someone rings too late, you don't have to answer the phone (unless you are my DH). If it's urgent they will leave a message.

OP posts:
pointythings · 23/02/2011 21:53

What huddspur said. I'd also only call selected people after 9 pm, and for me 10pm is a pretty hard boundary.

Mind you, most of my friends are in Holland, where it's an hour later.

alemci · 23/02/2011 21:53

I prefer it if people did not ring after 9 but it is not the end of the world.

yama · 23/02/2011 21:56

I abide by the 9 oclock rule.

Francagoestohollywood · 23/02/2011 21:57

I have never heard of a 9 pm rule. Really? Is it a British thing?

HattiFattner · 23/02/2011 21:58

i was brought up to think you never call before 9am or after 9pm, unless its an emergency. I do text before 9am to lift share mum, or hubby, but not really anyone else. I dont mind early calls TBH as we are upat sparrows, but I hate evening calls.

yama · 23/02/2011 21:58

Must be Franca. My Dad would get very angry with anyone phoning after 9.

FabbyChic · 23/02/2011 22:00

I don't give a monkeys what time people ring, I don't go to bed until gone 12 so wouldn't be arsed if I got a call at half eleven.

foreverondiet · 23/02/2011 22:06

I wouldn't call after 10pm but think until around 9.45pm fine and wouldn't think twice. Have never heard of 9pm rule.

I get stroppy with those calling between 6.30pm-7.30pm as I am trying to get kids into bed. Its always my parents, they "forgot".

Francagoestohollywood · 23/02/2011 22:07

Oh I remember my dad would receive all sorts of phone calls after 9!
And I used to chat on the phone until late at night, when I had a more active social life Grin

Maud2011 · 23/02/2011 22:15

Woops, I must have a reputation for being incredibly rude then, I've never heard of a no phoning after 9pm rule! I have a pretty good idea of which family members/friends are night owls and which aren't though, so I phone late (or don't!) accordingly. Personally I eat quite late so don't usually pick up the phone until after 9pm - and that's usually when I return calls from messages left on the answer phone.

Like TRISTheArseEndOfAMouldyBanana I hate being phoned before 8am, that's never good news!

bupcakesandcunting · 23/02/2011 22:19

Pisses me right off.

Also reminds me of .

eden263 · 23/02/2011 22:25

I was brought up with the 9 o'clock rule too. How strange.

Isn't 9pm the TV watershed time as well? There must be some significance in 9pm from long ago...