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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding young children and coffee shops..

106 replies

tholeon · 23/02/2011 13:23

I have always thought that is was acceptable to bring food in for babies and toddlers to coffee shops and family friendly restaurants, as long as the adult in charge buys theirs. I have a 20 month old and when he was smaller I often bought baby food out with us, now he is a bit bigger we sometimes order from the kiddie menu, but at other times he just has some of mine, and we usually bring in our own stuff too (a banana or whatever...) to kick things off for him as, like most toddlers, he is not good at waiting. Also like most toddlers, some of what he eats generally ends up on the floor.

This lunchtime I've just walked into a coffee shop I hadn't been to before to overhear a loud conversation between the owner and a customer about how annoying the local mums were coming in, ordering too little, staying too long, bringing their own food for the children, and making a mess. They were saying that the mums should feed the children at home before coming out... It looked like a normal type of coffee shop, high chairs available, easy wipe surfaces, not an expensive adult only quiet type joint. Anyhow, we took ourselves off and went elsewhere. What do you all think?

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 23/02/2011 13:28

Possibly. A bit. the person who owns the shop needs to sell his stuff and the seats for other people. If 3 or 4 mums plus children are taking up space, his profits will fall.
I know that as a group, we were asked to leave one such establishment. TBF, we did tend to stay for a couple of hours.

TheProvincialLady · 23/02/2011 13:32

I think that a lot of people do take the mickey, bringing their own food rather than buying what is available and leaving a disgusting mess behind them. If you are taking up space in a cafe - pushchairs too - then it is only reasonable to buy their food. They are not funded by the council tax, they are businesses.

worraliberty · 23/02/2011 13:34

I think a bit of baby food is acceptable but once they're old enough to eat properly then they should do imo.

Also, why should they have to clean up the mess after the children? That's the parent's job.

BornToFolk · 23/02/2011 13:37

I think bringing food for a 20 month old is taking the piss a bit. When DS was that age he used to share a scone or something like that with me (now he usually insists on his own!)
I can totally understand why the owner of the coffeeshop would get annoyed with parents who order very little, stay for ages and leave a mess (not saying that you do, just that I understand where he's coming from)

CMOTdibbler · 23/02/2011 13:38

They are not BU expecting people sitting in their establishment to buy food and drinks for all but the smallest (and I mean eating purees) children. And you should always clean up as much as possible after your child.

The owner is there to make a profit, and if there are 8 people staying an hour for them only selling 4 coffees, that isn't viable

diddl · 23/02/2011 13:38

"This lunchtime I've just walked into a coffee shop I hadn't been to before to overhear a loud conversation between the owner and a customer"

Sounds like enough reason not to bother with the place at all!

But I do agree that once they are past baby food you should be ordering something for them.

scurryfunge · 23/02/2011 13:42

I think the owner should tolerate some groups buying little and staying longer. It is the same group of people who will stay loyal to a welcoming cafe which is family friendly.

If they are made to feel welcome they could be customers for years and spend quite a bit there.

worraliberty · 23/02/2011 13:45

When you say some groups, which groups? How do they know who to allow to do this and who not to? Also, how can they refuse some customers and not others?

GoldenGreen · 23/02/2011 13:45

Not sure. I think up to a year, maybe even 2, there isn't that much food available at a Costa or Starbucks that is suitable for children (probably will get jumped on here but I think the food is mostly either too salty or too sugary until they are a bit older). So I think bringing in a banana is not the worst thing you can do. But I totally agree that people shouldn't be spending hours in there with kids without ordering some food and drinks, and I absolutely think people should clear up their children's mess as much as possible.

pink4ever · 23/02/2011 13:48

I am going against the grain here but I think its perfectly fine to take snacks in for small kids!. I am a devotee of starbucks and meet a group of friends there every week. We buy coffee,cakes,sandwiches,toast etc so spend quite a bit. If I have to take kids with me(during hols etc) then I take their own juice and snacks.Will also still bu them a cake or sandwich to share so think that is perfectly reasonable. We are good regular customers and they are happy to have our custom.If they moaned at us bringing small snacks for kids then wouldnt go there anymore.

shewasashowgirl · 23/02/2011 13:48

I think YABU, it must be so annoying having groups in spending little and making maximum mess.
I also think that children once a certain age need to learn to wait and not get fed a 'banana' or what ever food from home, I mean how long does it take to get a coffee or scone! I'm sure others will disagree but I regularly see kids who have no idea how to behave in restaurants to the annoyance of all the other customers.

scurryfunge · 23/02/2011 13:49

worra, I was talking about the groups that the OP was referring to. Presumably a group of adults with small children. Toddlers don't stay toddlers forever - maybe the owner should look ahead.

weegiemum · 23/02/2011 13:52

pink, what age kids? You mention "during the holidays" so that kind of implies school age? Are you seriously taking drinks into a cafe for children over the age of 5? I'd be a bit Shock at that.

worraliberty · 23/02/2011 13:54

It's similar to taking your family to Waterstones and just reading the books for a couple of hours. Where's the profit in it?

shewasashowgirl · 23/02/2011 13:57

scurryfunge

I know what you are saying but more than likely when those kids grow up and become teens and young adults the last place they'll want to go is a coffee shop full of mums and kids!!

LoopyLoopsHulaHoops · 23/02/2011 13:57

If they sell suitable food, YABU. If not, YANBU.

suzikettles · 23/02/2011 13:57

Like many things it's on a continuum from a wee pot of something for a baby or young toddler or child with allergy (yanbu to think that's fine imo) to a box of foil wrapped sandwiches, six pack of fruit shoots and a kitkat (obviously you would bvu if you thought a cafe should put up with that).

This is why blanket rules don't really work and cafe owners and customers exerting their common sense usually does.

Except then you get a bunch of people steadfastly refusing to use common sense and the cafe owner instigates blanket ban and everyone's pissed off.

scurryfunge · 23/02/2011 13:57

I think if you are not going to buy anything it is taking the piss but can't see it as a massive problem otherwise.

scurryfunge · 23/02/2011 14:01

shewas,

Maybe but I don't see coffee shops as being for a particular age group. My teen and his mates grab the big sofa in one of out coffee shops -it is generally full of people who want to drink coffee and eat cake (me, usually Smile)

suzikettles · 23/02/2011 14:01

It's not a massive problem, you're right scurryfunge, but the parents who insisted in bringing in packed lunches to our local swimming pool cafe for their kids "because it's so expensive otherwise" unfortunately spoiled it for everyone else.

Swimming pool instigated blanket ban on food not bought on the premises because it was too hard to only exclude those taking the piss, who tended to kick off when told that packed lunch box & flask was not appropriate in a busy cafe at lunchtime. [sigh]

Gubbins · 23/02/2011 14:04

I will bring something from home for my 4 yr old, but that's only because she has a dairy allergy, and I will always ask if they mind when they come to take my order. If it turns out that there is something that's safe for her to eat, then she'll have that. And taking your own drinks to a starbucks really is taking the piss!

activate · 23/02/2011 14:04

at 20 months you have to buy something for the child - a glass of milk would do

Original poster
tholeon · 23/02/2011 14:08

hello thanks for all the quick responses.

Agree mess should be cleaned up by parents but I still think a banana or similar for a young toddler is pretty harmless. Nope, it didn't have a kiddie menu - if it did I probably would have ordered him something from that. As it was (had i stayed..) I might well have ordered him something for the adult menu or shared mine, depending on portion size etc - but he would have had the banana as well!

OP posts:
naturalbaby · 23/02/2011 14:09

i am a bfeeding mum and tend to get slightly hysterical if i don't eat/drink v.regularly! lugging 3 kids around is also exhausting and if there's a big queue then i'll get something out for me or my toddlers while waiting to keep them happy and quiet. they sat at a restaurant table for 2hrs while we had lunch the other day so they know exactly how to behave in public at the tender age of 18months and not quite 3.

they're more interested in what we're having now so i've pretty much stopped taking drinks and snacks out for them but there is often nothing i find suitable for them anyway so will always have a drink and snack on standby in the bag. i'll always leave a tidy table as well as ds2 likes to spread his mess far and wide.

i wouldn't spend 2hrs reading books in waterstones but i do spend plenty of time 'window shopping'

sungirltan · 23/02/2011 14:10

yanbu. we go to two different cafes as a group and are encouraged to patronise both by the owners. the adults order food and drink but most of the kids have their own stuff. we always try to clear up afterwards and are shooed away by the staff!

i think if a cafe has high chairs and doesn't sell a appropriate toddler food they need to get over themselves.