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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you to tell me the annoying things your MILs do/ have done? (just for fun)

123 replies

IHaveAPainINMyNeck · 22/02/2011 09:03

to make me feel more benevolent towards mine??

OP posts:
Meow75 · 22/02/2011 15:48

Mine's really nice, but she does have a tendency to attempt to finish your sentences. Not in a bad way, she isn't trying to change what I am trying to say, I'm sure she thinks she's being helpful or maybe doesn't even KNOW that she does it, but when I talk to her for any length of time - especially on the phone - it drives me totally crackers!!!
The worst part of that is she and my FiL moved to Lanzarote nearly 2 years ago, so MOST of our contact is on the phone now. It makes me want to weep!!
Even my mum noticed it, before I married her DS, and she's the only person I ever spoke to about it. Unfortunately, my mum passed away just after we got married, so I've never mentioned it to ANYONE except on an anonymous forum!!!

BUT, at the end of it all, I DO love my MiL, and my DH will be totally bereft when we lose her. MY FiL is okay too - a little bit of a know it all at times, can make DH feel worthless at times, because my DH is happier to get someone in for work around the house rather than do it himself, but there again proportionally and in real terms, we earn more than them so their attitudes to money differ greatly from ours.

GoldenGreen · 22/02/2011 15:55

My MIL is lovely - intelligent, funny, loving, and a wonderful mother and grandmother. The worst thing she does is allow FIL to bully and control her. It is absolutely infuriating and Sad

allatsea1 · 22/02/2011 16:14

Suggests how to clean things in the house.

Cleaned things while we were on holiday, rearranged things...

Could go on and on really but I think at heart she's nice.

MoistTowelette · 22/02/2011 16:15

I am Australian and she is English. She is an 85 year old ex school teacher and from a different era (bless her). Every single time we visit she...
-makes a comment that I am from the 'colonies' and then talks about how 'common' we all are

-corrects my speech/grammar ("it's aitch in this country dear not haitch') CONSTANTLY
-resets the table after I have set it because I have not 'done it properly'
-once told me to go back to the hotel we were staying at to get changed as I looked scruffy (clothes were brand new but had not been washed/re ironed since I bought them in as we were staying in hotels)
-makes remarks about my weight all the time and has alienated most of her grandchildren by doing the same thing to them. She is obsessed about how much people eat and weigh.

Drives me mad and on more than one occasion I have had to go for a walk so I won't say anything but have told DH the second she says a word to our DD about weight I will not hold my tongue.

LucyGoose · 22/02/2011 16:20

MIL does absolutely everything for my FIL, and I mean everything. He does not do lift a finger in the house, she washes, cleans, cooks all meals, makes endless cups of tea, does the gardening, paints the house (!) and he sits in his recliner watching sports.
Worst of all, and this makes me cringe, she combs his hair and wipes his mouth all the time.

The man is almost 70 years old and perfectly capable of doing all these things. Yet she will defend him saying he does lots around the house Hmm

When the were here for xmas, we took them to eat crabs, and he couldn't bother paying attention when he was shown how to open and pick out the crab meat - so MIL just sat there opening all his crabs while he sat with cupped hands like a helpless begging street urchin. I had to get up and get some fresh air when this happened, I could not bear to look.

blackeyedsusan · 22/02/2011 17:11

weight, now that reminds me of dm, who used to say i didn't eat enough... then suddenly, I was overweight and ate too much. Fortunately it is easier to tell your mum to stop it.

Mil is polite enough when we meet and does maake an effort, but unfortunately did the damage over wedding arrangments. (as well as being the size of a baby elephant, I have the memory of an elephant too and resent being called awkward for wanting to take 6 m to arrange a wedding, not the desired 3m and wanting to get married in the summer.) (amongst other things)

Half the problem is caused by h's attitude to mil rather than mil herself.

pommedeterre · 22/02/2011 17:48

LucyGoose - The grooming is very, very weird but my MIL gave FIL a bell for xmas so he can summon her to his chair easily this xmas. She wasn't even being ironic.
MIL also believes that she knows best about how to look after babies (FIL is awful at enabling this with praise for her being put on this earth to look after babies etc etc) which basically amounts to never handing them back to their mum when they're sobbing their heart out, jiggling them instead of feeding them and stopping them exploring. Genius.

forehead · 22/02/2011 17:58

Before i was married, i used to think that mils got a rough ride and that dils were complaining aboiut nothing, Until i met my mil aka 'The Devil's partner in crime' She is a vile and evil woman and hates me because i do not pander to her. I simply have nothing to do with her, which really angers her as she loves attention.
I was listening to a radio show a few years ago and a caller said that when asked what advice she would give a future mil,the caller said 'keep your mouth shut, your wallet open and wear beige'. I intend to listen to this advice when i have a dil.

rexrabbit · 22/02/2011 18:00

Mine refused to come and visit (10min drive) when we were first back from hospital when our eldest was born as they had my SIL over for dinner and they'd 'already opened the wine'. maybe later in the week, they said....
that was hard to get over!

deliakate · 22/02/2011 18:27

First xmas and birthday, gave me loads of those "cute" old fashioned instruction manuals for wives. Great .... joke?????? Hmm

springbokdoc · 22/02/2011 18:59

This does make me feel better about my mil. Bless her she really does have our best interests at heart and she adores our ds. Her worst crime is that she has some pretty old fashioned ideas about what a wife's role is:

  • told me over dinner that I should have a home cooked meal ready for dp as 'he works hard' (and I do what?). Looked absolutely shocked when I said that was why god invented microwaves
  • said 'of course you won't go back to work after having children will you?' Err, six years at med school, slaving away as a junior doc, oh it's only a hobby :)

But I don't think she actually minds the decisions I've made - she's just from a different generation and I do care for her very much.

bigredtractor · 22/02/2011 19:00

Well I'm afraid that I have zero respect for my in-laws after they were so badly behaved at our wedding:

  • refused to help prepare the church the day before with the rest of us and went sight-seeing instead.
  • left the reception just after we did, without going back inside yo say goodbye to anyone (reception was in my mum's garden!!)
-snubbed my mum's BBQ the next day by leaving at 11am.
  • not waiting to even see us the next day before driving home.
  • leaving the flowers we bought her as a thankyou behind.

I hadn't known her for long and I find it difficult to forget how rude they were. I was embarassed for them and shocked by their rudeness to my mum in particular.

LucyGoose · 22/02/2011 20:07

Oh, I forgot the one thing that makes my blood boil.
My MIL has to smell every single item of food you give her. If you give her a plate a food, she will sniff every thing she puts on her fork - mind you, this only applies to food others give her, not anything she has prepared.

Its like she thinks we are feeding her food that has gone off and she has to check!!! But she says she likes to smell her food b/c its so nice, but I still don't believe that one. And worst of all, she did this at a family friends xmas party we took them to, I was not happy.

She doesn't think its rude (I guess) but to me, its incredibly rude.

JingleMum · 22/02/2011 21:28

FIL dropped DD on the head when she was 6 weeks old Shock

BelleBelicious · 22/02/2011 22:04

Ok, I've got away lightly too by the sound of it, as MIL is just annoying rather than psychotically evil.

Main problem is control freakery. No matter what she's doing, she manages to 'ask for help'. Somebody needs to taste her cooking for herConfused, fetch her paper, show her how to record a programme on TV - and it doesn't matter what you're doing, she'll screech at you until you come and help.

Sits on her arse most of the day, watching soaps at full volume and goes on and on about any sort of helps she does and how tired it's made her (she sometimes cooks the tea).

Brings conversations to an end because she's always done everything better, younger or more dramatically than anyone else.

Rang me up the day my Mum died to tell me how much she'd miss her, how upset she was and what good friends they'd been (I can imagine my Mum chuckling in her grave at that one).

JingleMum · 22/02/2011 22:58

FIL also left DD strapped into her pram and couldn't understand why she was screaming as he was trying to lift her out. FIL has his hands under DD's arms and was yanking her upwards, poor DD and pram were up in the air.

sheepgomeep · 22/02/2011 23:14

My ex mother and I fell out over her son when we split. She accused me of being a money grabbing bitch when me and ex were amicably were trying to sort out maintenance payments.

She said he shouldn't have to give me any money at all, 'he needs a life, how can he go on holiday, go to the pub, take new gf out' if he's paying money for the kids, she told me to leave my job and go on the dole as state will provide... Shock

nutty bitch

funnily enough we do get on okayish now but I am expecting trouble as he and above gf have now split and he is really struggling for money..

hubbard86 · 23/02/2011 02:32

just thought i'd mention my fil. Dh and i have been together for 5 years and in all that time he has been a complete pita. I am pregnant with 2nd dc and i got a threatening messege from him accusing me of trapping his son and that i keep him prisoner in the house as dh doesn't visit him. Dh is 30. Told me if i was tired i should go to the drs (dd 24/2 so v v pregnant) and if i was unable to cope with ds why i am i having another child?
This man had constantly ignored me and had no interest in his dgs or the pregnancy. One of the weirdest things he did was going to see my dear dad in the chapel of rest and taking photos of him. He then took great pleasure in trying to show them to me during a very deep depression. I am now refusing to allow him into my home as i will not let my 2yr old ds see his attitude and behaviour towards me. He has not even bothered to phone dh on his birthday.

GotArt · 23/02/2011 02:47

After years of crass and thoughtless comments from my MIL, most of which happened when DH wasn't around, DH told me that the next one, just say something really crass and outrageous to her. MIL and SFIL, (who is a dear) came out west to visit. In my kitchen with three of my close girlfriends, MIL says, "I'm surprised Mr.GotArt stayed with you all those years when you were fat. I mean, you were really fat!" I looked deadpan at her and said "MIL, I suck a good cock." My friends didn't know what to do, laugh, choke or leave the room. MIL just passed it off and left the room. She still makes comments but not nearly as bad as that one... although the latest was last summer when she said that anyone who doesn't get their children their vaccinations should have their children taken away from them and charged with child abuse. DH was there so I let him field that one. It was rather funny watching her back track that comment.

sunnydelight · 23/02/2011 04:33

MIL asked if she could bring some random friend (who we had never met) to our wedding, we said no. RF and her adult son (who had driven her) turned up at the church - fair enough, anyone can come to the church. MIL ran up to us the second we had come out of the door and asked if they could come to the reception (30 people so not exactly a big wedding), DH told her we had already said no. MIL then obviously went back to them and said they could come - they are even in our group wedding photos!

GotArt · 23/02/2011 05:17

Sunny Eee-gadd!

manicbmc · 23/02/2011 07:54

Thought of more.

She patted my head and said 'i'll be your mum now' the day my mam died very unexpectedly and I was in pieces. Also on the same day ex h held my hand with tears in his eyes telling me how much he loved my mum and how much he would miss her. Hmm

I was in hospital for a week following a c section (had twins) and the two of them (mil and ex) visited twice because they were too busy because I had inconveniently had my babies a few days after Christmas.

Me, bitter? No Grin

bringinghomethebacon · 23/02/2011 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mitochondria · 23/02/2011 08:28

My MIL invited randoms to our wedding, too. Wouldn't have been so obvious if it had been a huge do, but there were only 20 people, reception was at my mum's house and she had done all the food.

MIL didn't contribute. Apart from bringing four extra guests. Without asking.

Figgyrolls · 23/02/2011 08:57

Can someone send some cleaning MIL's around? I am sleep deprived and exhausted and nosy cleaning mil are welcome to clean up after them!