To not even consider breastfeeding

[Ilovemybreasts]

Currently pregnant with no 2, breastfed no 1 to around six months and HATED the experience so not keen to repeat it for several reasons.

1)Felt like a big, leaky, highly uncomfortable cow for the whole time and could not wait to have my body back.

2. Have seen the physical effects of breast feeding two children on several of my friends and it ain't pretty. My breasts are large and have only just recovered from the first feeding frenzy. Two shirt-spaced cycles of constant swelling and shrinking would not be good for their wellbeing! Although my body has borne children I still like to look and feel attractive; being a mother is not my whole identity and not an excuse to let my health and image fall by the wayside.

3. Hours spent pumping and clusterfeeding and mucking about led to a very tired and stressed out me and this time I will have a toddler also needing my time and attention.

4. The many benefits of breastfeeding are not entirely obvious to me. Dc1 still gets ill and picks up bugs as much as several other children we know who were exclusively ff.

5. I became a complete bf bore, bleating on to everyone about it and it's benefits. I swear it took over my life when I should have just been enjoying my baby.

Flame away. Convince me otherwise. Am I likely to be judged for this in real life?

op,take cartons and bottles into hospital.as they wont supply it.discuss with mw your decision,ask for it to be entered in your notes as your preference

Leoni...If a woman's self esteem is tied up in her breasts then surely she's entitled to take actions to protect them, however futile...

Do what you need to do to get by, everyone does

it might feel like people are looking and tutting but really mostly they aren't

A friend gave up bf when her dd was a month old or so, I kept going til dd was 18 months or so

both of us felt judged/looked at in the first year anyway

In hindsight, I really don't think we were, or if we were, it only happened rarely

good luck with the birth and congratulations

And I think that you can feed a baby without it meaning anything deeper about you as a mother

Some real cunts bf
Some saints ff
And vice versa

my Ds was born Prem and for a variety of reasons it was a real fight to be able to bf him-- I came within a hair of it not working out loads of times

I refuse to believe that stopping would have made me a crappy mother, that is ridiculous

bf doesn't have to be difficult or painful etc but there is often so much more than 'i really want to do it' required

She can love her tits AND her children though Leonie.

It doesn't matter whether or not it's true....she doesn't want to anyway. Perhaps you bf does mean something to you as a parent, but for some it doesn't. For me it did.

Leonie I really do think that some counselling might help you regain some perspective on your life.

you have probably already had a ton of useful and non useful advice already. but heres my tuppence worth

I think you are being unreasonable to not even consider it. Every mother and baby pair is different. Success or failure with one baby does not ensure it with the next.

If you try , and dont get on with it, and then switch to bottles, thats perfectly reasonable. but to not even try is unreasonable.

Umm -pommedeterre why would you need to bf every hour for 2.5 years? Have you not heard of weaning?

My point about fulfilment was a post where I was suggesting to Leonie Delt that maybe she needed some time out for herself as she has mostly bf for 2.5 years with her second.

What is your problem leonie, I mean really. You bf under difficult circumstances, I admire you for that. But why does if OFFEND you so much that other mothers make different choices to you? Much of what you say is right and true but it's hidden behind so much vile, arrogant, smugness that your point is completely hidden. You cannot possibly say, because you cannot possibly know, that women who do not bf DO NOT love their children as much as you.

Why this driving need to feel so superior?

Why this driving need to make anyone who ffs feel inferior and a failure?

I love breastfeeding ds, it's been a very positive experience for both of us and I feel quite strongly that all women and babies should be given the opportunity and support to breastfeed. And of course I love my ds more than anything in the world.

But honestly, if I had found breastfeeding difficult or painful - if I'd suffered bleeding nipples, recurrent mastitis, if ds has lost weight or we'd been threatened with hospital, if I hadn't had a supportive partner and family, if ds hadn't latched and I'd been forced to express and bottlefeed, if it had made me miserable or depressed - I would have formula fed without a doubt. I'd have still loved my ds just as much though.

Same here, moonunit.

Feeding DD was a doddle for us, and so of course BF was easier - no bottles no faff.

Though if I'd had a nightmare with her doubtless I would have given up pronto - I'm not someone with a huge amount of patience.

I was formula fed myself ... It can't be that bad. I'm not particularly cuddly/gushy with my mum and I wonder if I'd been BF that we might have a more physically affectionate and emotionally expressive relationship. However, we get on very well, know each other backwards and we both know we love each other to bits (though we would be embarassed to say it!)

I am much more expressive with DD though and do tell her I love her. She tells me the same and I wonder if that will carry on as she grows? It occurs to me that BFing may help this sort of expression.

Unscientific speculation over ...

My dearest child I love you so much that I didn't want to lose myself completely when having you and so chose not to bf you, because I thought it would make me unhappy and I would resent you.

Bumps...it could be said that bfing makes a parent less affectionate because all affection is tied up with feeding, I don't think so but it could!!

Why do people think bf = lose yourself?

I don't, but the OP does.

"If a woman's self esteem is tied up in her breasts"...I think she needs to find another source of self-esteem to be honest. One less susceptible to the cruel hand of time

Orm....I agree but I'm not the OP!!

OP you probably won't be judged in real life, although it will depend where you live IME.

Do what you feel is right for you.

I couldn't bf DD, although wanted to and it made me hugely unhappy & guilty and still does occasionally. However DD is 2.5, bursting with health (touch wood) and we are very close and I hope will stay that way (BLW helped me enormously).

My mother went against 1970s convention and exclusively bf me till 7 months. I am very overweight, have boderline high bp and am a bit of a couch potato. I also have a relationship with my mother that is frankly crap. She has met DD less than 10 times.

So - go figure. Yes, there will be people who judge you for this. Will it affect you and your new baby? Only if you let it.

And contrary to other advice, my ward in hospital had plenty of formula freely available. I was told that I either bf DD or FF her before she would be allowed home. We had been hospital for a week and I was close to jumping out of the window.

It's a bit preemptive though pommedeterre - to not even try bf IN CASE you MIGHT feel like you're losing yourself. Why not just take each day one at a time and cross that bridge when you come to it - rather than just not bothering to set out on the journey at all!