To not even consider breastfeeding

[Ilovemybreasts]

Currently pregnant with no 2, breastfed no 1 to around six months and HATED the experience so not keen to repeat it for several reasons.

1)Felt like a big, leaky, highly uncomfortable cow for the whole time and could not wait to have my body back.

2. Have seen the physical effects of breast feeding two children on several of my friends and it ain't pretty. My breasts are large and have only just recovered from the first feeding frenzy. Two shirt-spaced cycles of constant swelling and shrinking would not be good for their wellbeing! Although my body has borne children I still like to look and feel attractive; being a mother is not my whole identity and not an excuse to let my health and image fall by the wayside.

3. Hours spent pumping and clusterfeeding and mucking about led to a very tired and stressed out me and this time I will have a toddler also needing my time and attention.

4. The many benefits of breastfeeding are not entirely obvious to me. Dc1 still gets ill and picks up bugs as much as several other children we know who were exclusively ff.

5. I became a complete bf bore, bleating on to everyone about it and it's benefits. I swear it took over my life when I should have just been enjoying my baby.

Flame away. Convince me otherwise. Am I likely to be judged for this in real life?

Leonie, bubble, you both make excellent points but perhaps being told you are selfish and irresponsible when it comes to the care of your child is EVERY bit as offensive imo as being called 'militant', a 'btch' or a 'cnt'. (can't agree with the 'nazi' part as I'm jewish but then I've never seen anyone being called a nazi on here although I'm sure its happened).

There IS a hardcore of 'passionate/militant/opinionated' bfing advocates (on mn and in rl) who will not accept or tolerate any other opinion than that EVERY woman who has a child MUST bf and if they don't they are failures and neglectful mothers. These people do a huge disservice to the bfing cause and overshadow the many many excellent, kind, thoughtful, supportive bfing advocates who do all they can to increase bfing rates in this country.

I haven't read the whole thread. I don't consider myself to be militant BF at all, but I just don't get why someone would not even consider BFing at all - surely everyone wants to try and do what is best for their baby - even if for whatever reason it doesn't work out.

I think everyone should at least try for a few weeks as it can take a while to establish - too many people give up far too easily which is why we have one of the worst BFing rates in the world.

Yes I would secretly judge you for not even trying.

doinganythingbut - i bf for 6 months with DD, it was HELL, I was ill (i had gallstones and severe PND), just lost my father and writing up a PhD. But it was the pressure from people like you who made me be so adamant that i would breast feed. I had to mix feed as i couldnt produce enough milk due to the fact i was on a no fat AT ALL diet and losing weight at the rate of a stone a week. I was in agony with gallstones and would sit and sob while my DP would hold my baby to my breast because i was in too much pain to have her on my tummy - but i felt i would be a failure if i didn't TRY. Despite everyone begging me to stop - i just felt i would be a failure as a mother if id didn't do it. I was either feeding or expressing, i remember writing my thesis with baby in bouncy chair, rocking with my foot, breast pump attached to breast and typing up my PhD. WTF!!! It was madness - but when i finally gave up at just before six months, and had to formula feed i almost felt the BF militants eyes scorching into me with their disgust that i should bottle feed my baby - you lot need to wind your necks in with "i dont see why women don't try harder". Seriously - total pressure from other women and HVs pretty much ruined my first few months with DD so much was my desire to be a good mother

The OP says she has done BF and didn't like it, so she did try didn't she, she knows it doesn't work for her, so that that. Decision made, right for her, right for baby.

I still think breast is best, and am of mums who just seem to fall into it, christ on a bike its got to be easier than all that sterilising and warming of bottles just to get yer booby out - so yeah, give it a go, but if its not for you - dont be made to feel guilty like i was :(

if that is how you feel, you shouldn't bf

i tried and failed with dd1- i decided that it had ruined what should be a special time and resolutely refused to with dds 2 and 3.

it was hilarious though- just refusing- esp as i was in hospital with dd3 for a while. in the end i wrote a note and put it on the table thing across the bed I AM 42- THIS IS MY THIRD CHILD- I AM BOTTLE FEEDING- I AM NOT DISCUSSING IT ANY FURTHER.

when i looked at my discharge notes it said that i was breastfeeding

best of luck! agree with others- in real life do not discuss you yourself know how sanctimonious bf bores can be!

I tries very hard to breastfeed my son and wish i hadn't. I'm in no way ashamed to admit to bottle feeding my son.

I hated breastfeeding and found it incredibly stressful i persevered for a month but because of massive stress levels due to being so pressured in to something i found very difficult and an incredibly stressful pregnancy my milk supply was limited and i found it very hard to enjoy my son.

Stress seems to have an underestimated affect on the body, my son suffered fits according to specialists due to me being stressed during pregnancy. I was not willing to put me or him through that any more.

So stopped, it was the best decision i ever made and i now have a very bright little boy who it seems hasn't is at no disadvantage from being ff but has benefited a great deal form having a happy, relaxed mum.

youre considering using formula not crack coke,so in no way is any mum using formula deficient or morally wanting.nor are they ket themselves or baby down

and undoubtedly some one will rock up going an that you are poisoning your baby.and that formula causes
knock knees
plooks
tennis elbow
and bad breath
....and that just the mum

love,cuddle and snuggle your baby when it arrives.

Wonder if you would have an issue with not starting both off the sanme way?

Up to you, I totally hated it too. bloody awful and painful. Mooooo. I did both, worked out well.

scottishmummy - loving your post after the quite frankly hysterical outpourings of weirdness above.
Anyone who thinks it's all about the milk is preparing themselves for a sprint when actually it's a marathon and the last few miles are the teenage years - the time that hope forgot.
In RL OP noone will give a shit.

Leonie - you know that you, your needs and life outside children all count too right?

on mn some people opine vociferously about ff,in rl most folk would say nothing to you

congratulations when baby arrives

Totally agree with scottishmummy, why do you need a bunch of strangers to validate your choice? Do what you want.

miaow.what a bitchy thing to say.mind dont get a skelf carrying that big ole cross around

Leonie - dd is the most important thing to me too, I would lay down my life for her without a thought. I think that all mums here on mn would. Including the OP. I don't even question it about any mums I meet.
It is, the norm.
However there are other bits of me that need to be tended to in order to make me a whole person. As that whole person I am happy, fulfilled, a good role model to dd (or better, that's what I'm aiming for, reality inevitably falls a little short).
I also believe that teaching children that the centre of the world is not them is one of the most invaluable lessons you can give them.

OP...If you're asking you're clearly bothered what otehr people think...

Some people tut and stare at a woman feeding her baby in public, they may not want to see a woman's breasts, they may not want to see a baby having a bottle....they don't care why they'll judge you anyway. You're damned whatever you do!

So be strong about whatever you're going to do and lansinoh your whole body to develop some super thick skin.

That's the way she feels scottishmummy. Why jump on her but not on someone who feels that they can't bf?

Leonie....No child thanks it's mother for putting them first.....children prefer a happy family, where all needs are met.

Leonie - fucking hell get a grip dear.

Pommedeterre - are you saying that there are parts of you that can't be fulfilled if you bf?