bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

as I said I am tired

'improve accordingly'

Shit. We are bantering. Is that the same as bulling ? Should I get the rubber glove out and start mooing?

Mooooooooooooo?

Rosie - just be yourself mate! Please don't change especially not to try to 'fit in'.

I wouldn't improve for anybody.

just to clarify the banter point quickly - it's not banter I object to, that would be strange.

It's bantering, in a context where it acts as a kind of snub to or silencing of the OP, often when posters have got bored or decided the OP is a potential troll, or an idiot, or a whinger, or whatever.

The OP is still serious, still trying to have a conversation, still trying to get their points across, and the posters start clowning away usually in a way that indirectly or directly makes fun of the OP's opinions or feelings.

It's humour that reinforces the status/perspective of one group at the expense of another person who is more isolated. Like joining someone in the pub and then making fun of them in terms they are not equipped to defend themselves against. If they tell you to shut up, they risk further aggression; if they try to respond in kind, they risk striking a false note and being accused of not being in earnest by the people who were responding to them.

You can see it's something quite specific, not laughing and joking and teasing each other in general.

LeQueen you've jumped to conclusions. I don't personally feel excluded, belittled, or worry that nobody wants to banter with me (it's not a scarce commodity in my life on or offline). I'm commenting on what I've observed and how people can feel bullied even when no bullying was intended. But I think if I was feeling that way what you said would be hardly calculated to boost my self-confidence!

Obviously people will disagree about whether this makes it actual bullying but for me it's a moot point - why on a support forum should people who are already feeling vulnerable leave feeling beaten up, if a bit of forethought could avoid it? Is exercising a bit more sensitivity and awareness really going to get rid of all the Mumsnettiness that presumably keeps us all here?

Hope this clarifies things (waves to people who said nice things about her post as it took ages to type so it's nice to know it was least a bit helpful/interesting to someone! :) )

stop bickering and start some nicer threads...

how people can feel bullied even when no bullying was intended. But I think if I was feeling that way what you said would be hardly calculated to boost my self-confidence!

I would point out the misunderstanding between LeQ and rosie. Rosie has explained she was tired and misread, which is entirely understandable. But some people go through their whole lives doing just that. The sort of people who feel snubbed when someone on the other side of the road ignores them. They automatically jump to the conclusion that they are being snubbed, and it never occurs to them that they just might not have been seen.

That's being snubbed when no snub was intended. Being bullied when no bullying was intended is no different. Both are absolutely impossible to avoid with people like that unless they change their attitude

I can't spend my whole life being on the alert for people who might be waving at me and being snubbed. The same goes for being overly guarded in what I say. It's just impossible and the only way it can be avoided is for the other person to just realise, in the nicest possible way, that it isn't always all about them.

And breathe :)

My head hurts. It's not used to making up big posts and being sensible and all that :(

I agree with Fickle's posts. I have seen some terrible "ganging up" on people, who are genuinely worried about something. If another poster then tries to give support, they are then turned on.

Usually if said supportive poster dares to say "Come on this person needs help, give her a break" the usual response is "If she can't take it, netmums is that way".

it's up to everyone to be a little more aware.

people with little self confidence don't want to just barge in for fear of being rejected but need to be aware that by not barging in they somewhat distance themselves from the 'fun'...

and people at the heart of the fun should perhaps open it up to everyone and be aware of the surroundings and somehow invite others to join...

maybe, just maybe you will all meet in the middle.

Unless like me you just want to fly solo and like the sound of my own typing :)

What's the TFG bit for KazBar? :)

TheFriendlyGhost :)

it was my halloween name on a chatroom I used a long time ago :)

Ahh nice :)

Netmums sounds great, I've had a lot of recommendations

Might give it a whirl

never tried it myself, let us know how you get on rosie

parp

indeed

To be honest, I'd hesitate to say bullying but I have noticed that there has been a fair bit of well, nastiness on here recently. It has actually put me off getting involved in lots of threads.

I'm a bit of a wimp, admittedly, but I don't like the sniping.

Pokes LeQueen
Nods at everything you said up there^^

oh and errmmm the poke was so ya don't ignore me