bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

I agree with you freckle, except for the banter point. Too much unkindness on here at times.

I agree with you 100% freckle. Your post has put into words exactly how I feel.

MN has no bullying, IMO it's just what 'the people on the outside looking in' call it

When I joined MN earler this month, I got involved in certain threads and after seeing how people interact I do believe that the 'pack' attitude that some people refer to is (I think) genuinely just banter between friends.

Personally, I choose to fly solo, say it as I see it (there's a catchphrase in there somewhere) - there are people who intrigue me and I'd like to know more about (and in time hope to do so) and there are certainly people I don't want to interact with at all...same in RL really.

we create our own experiences IMO, it's not up to anyone else to make our MN time better.

Thank you for posting as you've managed to articulate my feelings about this subject better than I could.

I don't care about people bantering with each other and forming friendships - it is when the banter is sneering or snidey about another and its aim is to express some kind of superiority.

Maybe some do feel left out but that is not where I am coming from. I have forged some lovely cyber friendships on other threads where there is no such antics (e.g. Stately Homes thread). I have RL friends and family, I don't need to 'fit in'. I just object to intimidation and power play and I feel it goes on here

LeQueen when you joined many moons ago, did you have to do a 6 month apprenticeship? :)

No completely different LeQueen. Being snubbed at the school gates or feeling left out is a different matter. If those mums at the school gate started 'bantering' with each other at the exspense of the mum who felt vulnerable then that would more adequately explain it

In what way was my post inarticulate?

Unfortunately, this kind of thing is everywhere :(

Look, there are some prize arseholes on Mumsnet. Without a doubt. Not everyone is considerate of other people's feelings - but how can you police that?

I have witnessed definite "call to arms" organised group hectoring of a poster. Twice in 5 years. Both those threads have disappeared now, presumably because mnhq received a lot of complaints about them and didn't want them sullying the boards.

I honestly think bullying is extremely rare and not worth losing any sleep over. And I speak as one who finds the abrasiveness, sarcasm, rapier-wit, forthrightness - whatever else people want to call it - tiresome in the extreme sometimes. But you can suppress people's personalities, even if they are generally utter twats.

The banter between posters who know each other and always acknowledge each other when they see each other about the place is a complete red herring and if anyone feels threatened or intimidated by that then they need to have a serious word with themselves.

I must walk round with my eyes shut then. I have never seen intimidation or power play happening on here. There are some incredibly strong personalities with very formed opinions, but no more so than in RL. Nobody has to actually listen to/read those opinions. But if you have posted a question then it is actually polite to take opinions on board, even if you don't agree with them. And if you have posted a question (especially in AIBU) then you also need to consider that you might, actually, be wrong. Especially if the majority opinion is that you are wrong.

FWIW, that was a joke, I aint stalking no one, not even to reach the dizzy heights of top notch Mn'ing :)

rose I read LeQ's post too. It never occurred to me that it was aimed at you. Can I ask, nicely, why you thought it was?

'top notch MN'ing' Oh I do make myself laugh...

I am an eejit

LeQ we has the smarts tonight

no I just misread your posts, my mistake. I am tired after looking after two pre schoolers all day and a dh with man flu

actually it was a genuine question and not at all related to sensitivity. If my posts are inarticulate in any way I would rather know why and improove accordingly.