bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

Hollygully You keep asking who the bullies are.

You are not allowed to make personal insults(quite rightly IMO, although posters do, frequently) on MN and obviously calling someone a bully would be a personal insult.

You seem to have rather a thirst for individuals to be insulted.

LeQueen that's a pretty nasty question - by implication IMO.

FWIW I've never been seriously bullied, but I'm appalled by what I see here on some threads (hence this one).

Sorry, I meant to say "personal attack" not personal insult.

BecauseImWorthIt quite frankly I can't be bothered to look it up - and get into the inevitable slagging match which would ensue with any posters I named!

Let me ask you, do you think you are one of the bullies?

Can you tell the difference between frank and bullying? If not, perhaps you are one? I don't know, you tell me.

Oh I do, slake it, slake it.

I think I was on one of the threads too, BIWI.

I felt harrased and bullied. I wasn't bothered much about being accused of writing a book but someone said 'they wondered why a childless woman was posting on MN' and 'how did she find out about MN anyway?'

Because without being given specific examples it's impossible to agree/disagree if there is any bullying going on, Gorgeousx. And if it's genuine bullying, then naming names can only be a good thing, because then those posters can be reprimanded in an appropriate way.

With whips

No I don't think I'm a bully, either here or in RL. But it really irritates me that there's a constant moaning about bullying without any evidence to support those assertions.

If you can't be bothered to go back and read the thread to see who was guilty of bullying, in your eyes, then your assertions and accusations of bullying on MN are completely unfounded.

Being frank and straightforward is completely different from bullying and I'm astonished that you would even ask that question.

As a suggestion do you think that maybe if we see someone being bullied on here we should try to stick together and get rid of them?

It is awful reading what some people put on here and the people that tell others to f* off should frankly take their own advice. I got fed up of the language on most of the AIBU pages and have stopped posting there, however, I am contributing to this because I don't think anyone should be made to feel like they have to leave because of what other posters have said (as in posie's case). This is a parenting website and I do think people should be respectful of other's opinions even if it is not their own.

I think we need a pointing emoticon and to all shout "bulling bulling!" when we see it.

And for what it's worth, i always say if I think people are being harsh and sheeplike to someone.

"If you can't be bothered to go back and read the thread to see who was guilty of bullying, in your eyes, then your assertions and accusations of bullying on MN are completely unfounded."

But that's the thing - it's so obvious to me I why would I need to name names? If you can't see it on those threads, and need it pointed out to you then we have such different standards it's really not worth getting into with you, as we'll never agree!

My original question was what to do about it, not whether it exists.

It's obvious to anyone with half a brain and an ounce of compassion that the kind of behaviour which has been discussed on this thread is bullying, or at the very least something to be discouraged.

Why you can't see that is beyond me, and really quite sad IMO.

Netmums for you then, threefeet.

Shame.

Hollygully We live in a free country and threefeet is not answerable to you, so, actually, it's only netmums for her if she chooses it; clearly she doesn't choose it, so there is no need to think it's a shame.

You can sleep soundly tonight.

threefeethighandrising
It's obvious to anyone with half a brain and an ounce of compassion that the kind of behaviour which has been discussed on this thread is bullying, or at the very least something to be discouraged.

Something to be discouraged!!!! Dear God woman, IF IF IF it was bullying it should be stopped, not discouraged.
I discourage my grandson from picking his nose , I discourage my grandaughter from whining. IF either of them bullied anyone or thing I and their parents would STOP IT.

There is no bullying here that I have seen, and if I have seen behaviour or words that should be discouraged I just move away from the thread....

I do not understand how you can say discouraged. I think those of us that have said there is no bullying would certainly insist on more than discouraging it IF we saw it happening.But we don't see it.
I feel that what I see as Leary, sarcastic, wit, and standing ones corner in a disagreement is seen by other more gentler souls as Bullying or aggression.
sarcasm, is not bullying.Its NOT ALWAYS nice but its NOT bullying.

The word Bully gets bandied about so much and for all the wrong reasons. Save it for when there is real Bullying going on and then maybe your argument would have more impact.

There is no bullying on here, threefeetandrising. Bullying is constant, ongoing victimisation of someone. That would mean that the bully follows the victim around the board and continues the bullying on different threads.

Where have you seen that happen?

There may be sharp exchanges and angry disagreements and putdowns on Mumsnet. They do not, though, constitute bullying.

I am, however, quite prepared for you to prove me wrong.

But to answer your question, threefeethighandrising - re what to do about it - it's obvious, surely? You report it to MNHQ.

(Sorry to hijack - BIWI - I was looking for you earlier, I hoped you might be able to help me with this)

Sorry, do get back to your bulling.

sorry, haven't read the thread as can't be arsed -I think I've only seen real, proper bullying once, and then I really saw it

I see frequent disagreements, people who really don't like each other, but that's a completely different issue

tbh I'm surprised it (bulling) doesn't happen more often, when you think about it