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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to get this teacher fired

690 replies

lividbeyondbelief · 19/02/2011 23:08

My dd attends a language class on saturday mornings in central london. This week due to horrible traffic we were 30 minutes late to collect her. We tried texting her teacher to say we were stuck in traffic but never got a reply. Anyway to make a long story short - she left my dd outside the school, alone with another boy, whilst she went out to go buy lunch. To make matters worse she told her to lie to us and say she was in the room next door if we asked where the teacher was when we collected our dd.

Our daughter was really upset and cried whilst being outside alone with this boy. My dh noticed she had been crying but the teacher just dismissed it, saying to dh she cried because he was late.

Obviously the bond of trust is broken and she wont be going back ever again. My question is what else should we do?

OP posts:
captainbarnacle · 20/02/2011 20:45

I wouldn't be happy, no. But I wouldn't straight away demand the staff are fired! I would enquire why this happened, and what safeguards the school has in place to ensure the safety of my child.

goldenticket · 20/02/2011 20:46

My 4 year old was let out of nursery by mistake with all the other children when I was late. Luckily, another parent noticed her and took her back indoors. The nursery teacher was mortified and the supervisor was incredibly apologetic, as was I for being late. What the incident highlighted was a flaw in the nursery procedures which was immediately tightened up. It won't happen again, but something else might because SHIT HAPPENS. As long as we learn from the shit, that's all that matters - we cannot possibly anticipate everything that could possibly go wrong in any given situation.

herbietea · 20/02/2011 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

vintageteacups · 20/02/2011 20:51

seeker exactly.

MrIC you are right about the language school taking responsibilty but should they be employing a teacher who is willing to simply leave the kids alone outside whilst she pops off for lunch?

It is the teacher's fault, along with the school.

I wonder whether if the OP had called and said she'd be late, if the teacher might still have lef the children outside whilst she went off to get lunch???? Nobody has mentioned that possibility

Blu · 20/02/2011 20:52

VioletHill: Imagine I am the tutor in charge of the activities which Seekers children are attending. When Seeker is late, I recall my policy on late pick-ups, and what i have been trained to do, I do a quick mental assessment of whether it is ok to abandon Seeker's anxious child alone on the pavement, even though it is next to a VERY middle class brancj of Costa coffee, and decide, no, i cannot do that. So, I call the place where my own children are at trampoline club and because i alreay KNOW what their polilcy is I apologise, say I am late and ask them to put my back-up plan into action - to send my child home with another parent i know and trust. This saves me the £1 per 5 mins the trampoline club charge for late pick-ups - because they don't abandon kids in the nuclear waste disposal plant next to a paedophile chess club where their hall is either.

No one in this chain of disaster actually leaves a 7 year ld in the street without knowing that a responsible adult is on thier way to collect said child.

JaneS · 20/02/2011 20:53

I guess it is very different when you don't have children. Confused

If I had a puncture and no mobile signal and was late for picking up one of the kids I've babysat, I'd feel terrible for being late and unable to contact whoever was with them. I'd wish whoever it was would have stayed with them, but I wouldn't blame them if they had to leave - the fault would be mine, obviously.

Slightly confused given that I'd think you'd feel more responsible as a parent, not less.

Violethill · 20/02/2011 20:56

So the tutor has to take her responsibility as a parent, ie knowing the policy of her own child's trampoline club, and being proactive in ensuring it is actioned.... but the other parent doesn't have the same parental responsibility when they are held up? Hmm

You seem to be at risk of displaying the same distorted sense of entitlement as the OP - somehow expecting 'one rule for you, one rule for me'......

Violethill · 20/02/2011 20:56

(To Blu btw)

seeker · 20/02/2011 20:57

The thing is, I don't think this teacher actually did leave the children alone - I think it was a misunderstanding - possibly a language based one. "I'm going to get my lunch - when mum and dad come tell them I'm just inside"

But I am amazed that so many people seem to be saying that it's fine for teachers to leave small children unsupervised if their parents are late. I have never before been on the "over protective" side of a debate like this!

vintageteacups · 20/02/2011 20:57

herbietea it is possible to send a text but not have enough reception for a call Smile

Violethill · 20/02/2011 20:58

seeker - read the thread. The OP is asking if she is unreasonable in wanting the tutor to be fired, for a situation which arose from the OPs lateness and failure to communicate!

And you're really amazed that people find her VVVVVV unreasonable?!

SarahStrattonHasNiceBears · 20/02/2011 20:59

I have children. I would never have relied on a text for something like this. But then I was never late picking my fictional DCs up from a fictional language class anyway.

I guess half term started early. Either that or it's a full moon.

seeker · 20/02/2011 20:59

ANd anyway my situation was hypothetical - or at least not refereeig to the OP.

I drive for 12 minutes to pick my ds up from school, and most of that 12 minutes has no mobile phone coverage. If I broke down, I would have to hope the school looked after my ds until I got there. And I would expect them to do it, and I would be outraged if they didn't.

ILoveFrogs · 20/02/2011 21:00

'I wonder whether if the OP had called and said she'd be late, if the teacher might still have lef the children outside whilst she went off to get lunch???? Nobody has mentioned that possibility'

Probably, there was another child with the OPs child and I very much doubt that the other parent was also stupid enough to be half an hour late and not bother to phone the tutor.... of course I could be wrong as I wouldn't have thought any parent would be but this thread proves otherwise.

herbietea · 20/02/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SarahBumBarer · 20/02/2011 21:00

Livid - I think that your OP was unfortunately worded in terms of getting much sympathy. As you acknowledged, suggesting that the tutor should be sacked was extreme. I think that your failure to take much (if any) responsibility for your own failures here have also contributed to the response you have received.

I don't see any of the replies as bullying. A large majority concluding that YABU is not of itself bullying.

With regard to "the lie". It seems like such a pointless lie - you would see that it was a lie simply by looking into that classroom. Seems far more likely to me therefore that your daughter has become confused and as others suggested the tutor meant that she would be in that classroom after getting her sandwich.

The tutor should not have the children but you're lucky that she only needed to pop out for a sandwich and not leave altogether to collect her own children. In the circumstances you owed your DD so much more than one text.

Blu in the scenario you mention the differenc is that you as a responsible parent have put a back up plan in place.

MrIC · 20/02/2011 21:01

vintageteacups The OP states that the teacher is very young, and, I would guess based on my experience, probably had minimal training and certainly no Child Protection training (my situation is different as I was a Child Protection Trainer before I became a language teacher).

If this is all the case then the School is, legally, failing in their duty of care to both the children and the teacher for not providing her with adequate training and support systems (which leaves the teacher vulnerable to just the kind of criticism we're witnessing here). In which case it is very much the school's problem. The OP needs to find out what the School's Child Protection procedure is, and their policy regarding late pick ups before jumping to the conclusion that the teacher was in the wrong.

Sure you can say "what kind of person leaves two children outside so they can get their lunch?", two which the question "who sends a text to say they're 30 minutes late to pick up a 7 year old?" is an equally valid response.

Violethill · 20/02/2011 21:01

exactly seeker. The situation you described was hypothetical. And I batted back another hypothetical situation - to make the point that it cuts both ways.

If we're sticking to the facts that we know - there was no puncture, and there was no lack of phone signal coverage.

seeker · 20/02/2011 21:01

I think the OP is being unreasonable in expecting the teacher to be fired - but then I don;t actually believe that what she said happened, happened.

I'm now addressing the prevailing mood of the thread that it's OK for children to be left aloen f their parents are late.

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2011 21:02

The point seeker is making is regardless of the culpability of the parents (and yes, they were in the wrong) the teacher should not have left them.
I notice no one has actually answered her scenario. Interesting.

vintageteacups · 20/02/2011 21:02

VH if a preschool manager found it acceptable to leave a child outside whilst waiting for parents whilst they went for lunch, then yes, they would probably be found to be unsuitable for that position...or at least be questioned by Ofsted/safeguarding board as to why their policies and procedures weren't being applied.

Regardless of how irrepsonsible the OP may or may not have been, her dd wouldn't have been left alone had the teacher had followed the correct procedure.

Violethill · 20/02/2011 21:03

you;re getting left behind here vintage. It wasn't a pre-school, and it sounds as though it wasn't even a teacher.

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2011 21:04

sorry seeker, x post, wasn't trying to talk on your behalf.

violet - if you were in that situation, would you leave 2 young children, even if you had an urgent appointment? I wouldn't. I'd be furious with the parents, and pulling out all the stops to meet my responsibilities (calling emergency backup for my children, for example) but I wouldn't actually leave them - that would be wrong and irresponsible.

veritythebrave · 20/02/2011 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Violethill · 20/02/2011 21:05

SPB - I responded to her scenario.

And incidentally, seeker herself has said a number of times that she doesn't know what she would have done. It's easy to say 'don't leave children unattended' - slightly more difficult to explain what you would do, if you had other urgent business to attend to, and had no idea whether you'd be left waiting 3 minutes or 3 hours.