Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wanting to get this teacher fired

690 replies

lividbeyondbelief · 19/02/2011 23:08

My dd attends a language class on saturday mornings in central london. This week due to horrible traffic we were 30 minutes late to collect her. We tried texting her teacher to say we were stuck in traffic but never got a reply. Anyway to make a long story short - she left my dd outside the school, alone with another boy, whilst she went out to go buy lunch. To make matters worse she told her to lie to us and say she was in the room next door if we asked where the teacher was when we collected our dd.

Our daughter was really upset and cried whilst being outside alone with this boy. My dh noticed she had been crying but the teacher just dismissed it, saying to dh she cried because he was late.

Obviously the bond of trust is broken and she wont be going back ever again. My question is what else should we do?

OP posts:
midlandsmumof4 · 20/02/2011 01:11

Livid-I'm confused. How far is three zones? Earlier post said zone 2-same post code. Another post said if your health wasn't an issue you could have walked in less that five minutes. If you want people to be on your side the least you can do is be consistent-or be honest. Confused.

hmc · 20/02/2011 01:11

?so the teacher was concerned the child's parents had been in accident and in the mean time nipped off to get her lunch whilst telling the child to advise her mortally injured parents, when they eventually arrived, to lie about teacher's wherebouts? Confused

ilovesooty · 20/02/2011 01:11

Exactly, LittleRedDragon . I feel rather sorry for the teacher who was probably worried and not at all sure what to do for the best. The parent could have avoided much of this upset if she'd made that phone call.

PixieOnaLeaf · 20/02/2011 01:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

curlymama · 20/02/2011 01:13

And the teacher knew herslef that she wouldn't be long gone. She was there and back by the time the parents finally arrived. If indeed she left the premises at all. All we have is a confused 7yo telling her parents that she did hours after the event. Maybe she just went to another building within the school, if there was one, and the Op's dd misunderstood.

ilovesooty · 20/02/2011 01:14

Or exactly what the teacher said to the girl.

hmc · 20/02/2011 01:14

I'm off to bed, but just to clarify what I think (because there is often more common ground between us than you think!)

*Yes, the parent should have phoned rather than text (sorry OP!)
*No, the tutor shouldn't call Social Services
*No, the tutor should not be sacked
*If I was the parent, I wouldn't be using the tutor again
*No, the tutor shouldn't have buggered off and left the children unattended

JaneS · 20/02/2011 01:14

midland, I don't think she is inconsistent, I think you're confusing her posts about how far away the cafe she and her DH had gone to was, and how far away her home was.

hmc, if the teacher were concerned about the parents (which she may have been), I doubt she went to lunch and I also doubt she told the child the truth. Pixie's already suggested that the teacher may simply have said 'tell your parents if they arrive I'm just in the next room', which might look to a literal-minded child like an instruction to lie, but isn't if the teacher meant that's where she expected to be shortly.

All I'm trying to suggest is, there's a pretty huge range of possible explanations for the teacher's behaviour, but - sorry OP - not really any to excuse the OP.

Morloth · 20/02/2011 01:45

None of this would have happened if you hadn't been late and/or had actually called and spoken to the teacher.

How could you trust a text with this?

This is yours and your DH's doing.

Why did you ask if you are so sure YANBU?

smokingnuns · 20/02/2011 01:56

9 pages of outrageous bullying! I am disgusted at the vicious pasting this poster has received from a pack of bullies Angry

OP I'm with you on this. The teacher should be sacked for leaving children of that age unsupervised, regardless of the circumstances. I'm sure you and the other set of parents will be informing the school of what happened, including the lying, and imo it will be a natural consequence that she will lose her job.

I haven't been on MN long but have never seen anything like the bullying you have received on this thread - thoroughly unpleasant.

woollyideas · 20/02/2011 02:06

Smoking - don't you think the mother should have PHONED? And where is the evidence for what happened? Does the word of a child really warrant getting someone sacked? I've read the thread and couldn't really describe the responses as 'bullying'. Disagreeing with the OP doesn't constitute bullying, does it?

I'm afraid I'm with most other posters, the OP should have telephoned and made sure her message had got through. In fact, I have to say that if I was that late picking up my DD when she was that age I'd have not only spoken to the teacher but asked to speak to my child to offer a bit of reassurance.

Morloth · 20/02/2011 02:31

Our school in London also had the 30 minutes late/no contact thing as a calling SS situation. Quite rightly as well IMO, I would have to be dead before I left DS1 somewhere where I hadn't made concrete arrangements for his safety with whoever was there.

The couple of times I was late picking him up from school, I called and spoke to someone so they knew exactly what was happening, because he is my kid and my responsibility.

Not agreeing with the OP and thinking she needs to take responsibility for her actions before wanting the teacher sacked is not bullying, it is expecting someone to parent their own kid rather than expecting everyone else to do it for them.

Personally I wouldn't have left the kids alone, but I would have torn shreds of the parents when they did arrive and refused to take their DD again. Not because of the lateness but because they hadn't even been bothered enough about their DD's safety to ensure that I knew I was supposed to be looking after her.

smokingnuns · 20/02/2011 02:49

woolly - regardless of the circumstances, those children should not have been left unattended.

And nothing justifies the pack of wolves bullying on this thread by people who posted repeateadly.

BaggedandTagged · 20/02/2011 03:35

*HMC "What would that be then Bagged - 'dick all' duty of care?"

Pretty much- let me expand

  1. She's not a school teacher. She's a language tutor. She may have a TEFL equivalent (which takes a month and does not even touch on pastoral care- it's not part of the job) or she may just be a native speaker with no formal quallies. In any case, her wages will be pretty low- she's probably getting paid less than the barrista who whipped up the OP's cappuccino. It's totally unreasonable to expect her to do much more than her 2 hr slot.
  1. The course is free so there's no contractual obligation.

However, the real clincher is

  1. When faced with the possibility that her daughter may be left alone, what does the OP do? Does she call aforementioned min waged employee and beg her to look after her daughter, even though it means tutor loses her lunch hour? No. She texts her, presumably because she's got some text bundle so she doesn't have to pay 10p for the phone call. So if the Op doesn't value her daughter's safety to the value of 10p, why should the tutor?

I fucking hate people who text and give you orders to bail them out when they've fucked up. I bet the teacher did get the texts and just thought "You know what? She hasn't even got the decency to call me and ask me. She's texting me and effectively telling me to provide her with some free childcare, so there's no way I'm giving up my lunch hour for her."

JackyJax · 20/02/2011 03:59

An interesting thread. I'm a teacher and have been in this situation before. Have not had a morning break because I've been helping students then starving by lunchtime but eg a child is very upset and I need to talk to them to calm then down then go on lunch duty and so have no time for lunch. In those situations, I have been desperate for lunch.

However, I would never, ever leave a child of any age in the street or even in a school alone. I would be far too worried about what would happen to them.

As a teacher it's drummed into you that you're the teacher, social worker, nit watcher, counsellor,etc for children so they buck always stops with you.

I'd be having heart palpitations about leaving a child. I'd have been far more likely to take the kids with me and left you a note and called you.

However, I have taught in other countries and teachers are not trained like this. They believe that their job is to teach the lesson eg 2 hours and that's it. They're not going to do lunch duty, after school clubs, sport, counselling, etc. Their only job is to teach. I'm not saying if this is right or wrong, it's just different. So maybe this teacher was trained to think in this way.

I agree that the mum should have turned up on time but sometimes these things happen and our concern should always be with the child. In this situation the teacher obviously didn't feel responsible for the child.

Getting the teacher fired seems like a step too far. It would be better for the school to formalise what it does in these situations. In day care, for example, they wait for a certain period of time then call police and social services and your child is taken off with them.

Your daughter is ok which is the main thing and this is an opportunity for you to discuss with the school what should happen in future. This could help other children if the same thing was to happen again.

Udderly · 20/02/2011 05:42

Meh, this doesn't ring true to me. Why was the child attending English classes? The OP's posts are those of someone with a native command of the English language. I know there could be a myriad of reasons, but none of them fit for me. A bit of shit-stirrig with a glass of vino on a Sat night methinks!

MojoLost · 20/02/2011 07:06

I am amazed!
It is irresponsible to leave such a young child on their own, no matter where, london, madrid or St. Yves.
Where is your common sense people???
The OP lives far away, she needs her DH to drive them to see her daughter, then they go for a coffee by car 2 mins aways. On this ocasion the traffic was terrible and she was too late.

She made the mistake of not calling, but the so called teacher should have waited.

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 07:24

Why did you not call? I dont get why you didn't do that? Because you expected the teacher to wait? I agree about not leaving the children alone but you were also irreesponsible in nit calling

donkeyderby · 20/02/2011 07:42

I'm with smokinguns - what a shocking bunch of bullies there are on AIBU. I presume you are a new poster and not in the 'in crowd'.

Teacher was deeply irresponsible and you should report her if you can and never use her again

Getting your DD to lie is beyond unnacceptable

You must take your share of the blame for not phoning

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2011 08:04

YABU to want her fired I think

But I am amazed at the number of posters on here who are excusing an ADULT leaving CHILDREN alone. Forget the teacher, forget duty of care, if you were alone with a mum and her 6 and 7yo and something happened to her would you think "screw them, not mine" and walk off to get your lunch.

The OP and her DH handled this very badly, but I think the tutor also handled it badly, as a human being!

threefeethighandrising · 20/02/2011 08:05

"what a shocking bunch of bullies there are on AIBU"

I agree wholeheartedly.

The behavior of some on this thread is absolutely appalling. It's like a bunch of playground bullies.

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2011 08:06

But I'll remember this if 'm ever doing a favour for a friend - if she's late back to collect her DCs in time then I'll go off to get my lunch/go shoppping or whatever. Never realised it was that straighforward!

LIZS · 20/02/2011 08:13

yabu to want her fired. Having not had a reply to your text (I've had ones delyaed by hours or my inbox has been full) you should have rung. I think you may have jumped to conclusions about how your dd and the boy might have been left - I suspect dd may well have been upset and could have misunderstood what was being said - especially bearing in mind you have heard this third hand. Neither you, your dh or the teacher come out of the situation well so I don't think wnating her sacked is proportionate to the event. By all means ask the organiser what procedures are for late pick up as something seems to have gone awry. However I suspect the tutor (probably an ESOL trained one) is only employed on an hourly basis for the duration of the lesson.

Ihavebeencreditcrunched · 20/02/2011 08:30

I have read the whole thread and think YABU to want the teacher fired.

I don't feel the posts were bullying, the OP was frequently asked questions/offered scenarios which went without response. Information was drip feed, The op took no responsibility and appears unwilling to discuss the possiblity that her DD may have been mistaken/misunderstood the teacher.

YANBU to feel upset and concerned based on your DDs version of events but what you need to do is speak to the other parents & teacher to clarify the stuation.

I would never blindly trust a child version .. they don't always understand situations or tell the truth.

SarahStrattonHasNiceBears · 20/02/2011 08:30

Hmmm. Goalposts keep changing.

Central London- now it is Zone 2

Two minutes away by car, yet a journey that would not allow pulling over to one side as the (stationary) traffic is '3-4 lanes', yet also in the same postcode.

OP could you go and sit down and get all your facts together/straight first please.

YANBU to be upset that your DD was left alone, however your actions caused the issue in the first place, and your subsequent actions compounded the problem. YABVVU to want the teacher reprimanded, let alone fired.

Please take responsibility for your own actions in future, and sit down and look at how thus could have been avoided.

And dont drip feed/change the details in future. It is v v annoying.

Swipe left for the next trending thread