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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to suspect I'm being an knob when it comes to parenting

90 replies

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 21:53

Inspired by the funny, cringeworthy parenting in the library thread, I'd like to know if I'm being a knob!

Apparently one of the tell-tale signs of being an obnoxious 'uber mum' is involving DCs in too many activities. But how many is too many?

DD (2 years, 8 months) goes to a couple of toddler groups, football class, swimming class, gym session, two music sessions and storytime at the library (which turns into a whole afternoon), every week. I was thinking of booking a dancing class too.

Is this too much? If so, why is it? Honestly, I'm not sure. She enjoys all of them and looks forward to each class.

I'm absolutely not a gushing, proud parent. I'm not one for talking loudly in public at all, but...am I one of those mums??

OP posts:

Gleekfreak · 18/02/2011 21:54

Yes:o

Original poster

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 21:54

"AN knob" Ugh!

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 18/02/2011 21:54

At some point something has to give...

That is way too much for a child of that age to be able to learn properly. Why not wait till your child WANTS to do something rather than forcing them into things.

McDreamy · 18/02/2011 21:54

errrr....... think you might be!

manicbmc · 18/02/2011 21:54

If she enjoys it and you enjoy it, then go for it.

Original poster

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 21:55

The thing is that she asks to go to these things. The football class is a new one. She saw the children running around and asked if she could do it. She loves it.

We did do a couple of other things that have been dropped on the way because she didn't seem keen.

OP posts:

PonceyMcPonce · 18/02/2011 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sue52 · 18/02/2011 21:57

Yes, way too many things. So yes, you are a bit of a knob. Now you have acknowledged it you can knock a few activities on the head and just chill out for a bit.

Sassybeast · 18/02/2011 21:57

Football. Aged 2 ?

Dancing. Aged 2 ?

Well you DID ask....

You must be exhausted with the logistics of it all. To be honest, if she enjoys it and you enjoy it and can easily afford it all, then it's not really anyone elses business. i think the problems start when she goe to nursery/school and you try to keep up that level of activity while jusggling homeworks, long days etc.

redstripeyelephant · 18/02/2011 21:58

blimey, all that stuff would bankrupt me! Does she ever have time for just mooching around at home playing/going to the park etc? But if she's happy and you're happy there's nothing wrong with it, she'll be in nursery school soon enough anyway.

squeakytoy · 18/02/2011 21:58

You dont have to say yes every time she sees something she wants to do you know!

Once she starts school she wont have the time to do all of these activities.

You are heading for having a spoiled child.

My DIL did this with grandaughter... ballet, drama, streetdance, horseriding, swimming.. all before GD was 4... then money got tighter, and she couldnt afford all those things...

muckypupster · 18/02/2011 21:59

It just sounds expensive to me.

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2011 21:59

So out of a possible 12 sessions of activities per week,(assuming Sunday being a day of 'rest') she does 8? At not-yet-three?
Don't you think it's a little OTT?

FoundWanting · 18/02/2011 22:00

It sounds like a lot to me. Are these things all on your door-step? If you have to drive/get a bus to get to them I would rethink.

Original poster

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:01

Am I knob because I'm possibly tiring her out, or am I knob (I've never used this word so much before!) because it looks as though I'm trying to push her?

The thing is, she likes running around a kicking a ball, and she likes, well, dancing. :)

The logistics aren't difficult as all of the activities are local. Her brother is a LOT older than she is, so she doesn't have child to play with at home. However, doing all of these activities has meant that she has a lot of friends.

I definitely feel like a knob now I've written the little list in my OP though, and I'm not really sure!

OP posts:

tulpe · 18/02/2011 22:01

You know your child and if she is having fun and keen to attend then why not.

With DS1 we did loads of classes and toddler groups. He loved them but I do wonder on reflection whether some of it was driven by my need to get out of the house.

DS2 went to a football class once a week and that was it. But then he was always a child who was confident enough but just preferred being at home playing. No "music monkeys", "water babies", "dance for joy" classes for him!!

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 18/02/2011 22:02

That's 8 things a week. It sounds like lot for a child of that age

Presuming most of them are a couple of hours so with travelling there and back taken int account they would each fill a morning or afternoon.

That doesn't leave a lot of time for "free play" (I'm not a fan of that term) or doing normal household/family things.

It's great that she seems to enjoy doing them atm but as the pp says, you may be setting yourslef up for a fall once she starts nursery/school.

janet41 · 18/02/2011 22:03

we were (are!) a bit like this and someone pointed out to me that DD needed down time just playing in order to chill out, but also - v importantly - to learn how to not be doing stuff all the time and to enjoy quiet time, find her own games etc. So i pulled back and have to say DD got a lot better at inventing games, imaginative play and was a lot more rested. She is still - at 5yo - a complete class/activity addict but i have dropped most of them and she is def a more balanced less tired child. Also, whilst all the classes were great, she gets a lot more out of the classes she does do now she is a bit older. So yes i would chill a bit

Original poster

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:04

Actually, it isn't that expensive. I suppose the gym and music groups are about £4 per session. Swimming is more at about £10, which I know if pricey, but she loves it.

We do have time playing at home, but perhaps she should have more.

Yes, I'm worried that I may be spoiling her by accident.

OP posts:

mwsarah · 18/02/2011 22:04

Not knobby if you are both enjoying it.

When we lived in London we did something every week day from when DS was 10wks old. It was good for both of us and we made loads of friends. I miss it and am looking forward to moving back.

It is not necessarily about your DD learning but about her meeting people and engaging in activities. More fun than her running around at home whilst you hoover the stairs (which is what I end up doing if we sit in).

manicbmc · 18/02/2011 22:06

Football, swimming and gym are teaching her gross motor skills. Music is teaching her fine motor possibly depending on what it is and the story sessions teach her about listening.

If you were doing these things with your dc to hothouse her and she was miserable I'd think you were being unreasonable but she seems to really enjoy herself. Every child is different and what might tire out one won't tire another.

squeakytoy · 18/02/2011 22:07

I am sure your intentions are genuine, but I really think its too much.. and when she starts school she wont be able to do all of those things, which is likely to create a bit of a strop... and she may decide she doesnt want to go to school, because school isnt all about activity.. so could find it hard to settle into a quieter routine.

StarlightMcKenzie · 18/02/2011 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

parakeet · 18/02/2011 22:09

I disagree with the other posters - if your daughter seems to enjoy them and does not seem overtired, then why not?

Toddler groups and story times or music times at the library aren't "learning" anyway - they're just a bit of fun, and an excuse for the mum to have a cup of tea and a chat to other mums, aren't they? Only three of the current activities are actual "classes" and at that age it's probably very relaxed and perhaps only lasts 30-45 minutes.

When I was a full-time SAHM, and my husband worked longish hours, the week seemed hard to fill, unless I did things like these. I liked to have at least one "activity" a day. I can understand you having one in the morning and one in the afternoon on some days, especially if some of the classes are only half an hour.

Dear OP, if it works for you, who cares what anyone else thinks?

Boys2mam · 18/02/2011 22:09

I think its great your daughter is an active, sociable little butterfly.

But...

...can she entertain herself at all?

DS1 is just about to turn 7 and I did everything with him you currently do for your DD. DS2 is coming up 2.5 and I haven't took him to anywhere near as many classes and groups and even soft plays due to my circumstances having changed. The boys charactors are obviously greatly different but I often wonder if DS2 can entertain himself better because I haven't forced him into more social situations whereas DS1 seems to need 'entertained' far more?

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