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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to suspect I'm being an knob when it comes to parenting

90 replies

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 21:53

Inspired by the funny, cringeworthy parenting in the library thread, I'd like to know if I'm being a knob! Blush

Apparently one of the tell-tale signs of being an obnoxious 'uber mum' is involving DCs in too many activities. But how many is too many?

DD (2 years, 8 months) goes to a couple of toddler groups, football class, swimming class, gym session, two music sessions and storytime at the library (which turns into a whole afternoon), every week. I was thinking of booking a dancing class too.

Is this too much? If so, why is it? Honestly, I'm not sure. She enjoys all of them and looks forward to each class.

I'm absolutely not a gushing, proud parent. I'm not one for talking loudly in public at all, but...am I one of those mums?? Confused

OP posts:
Normantebbit · 18/02/2011 22:10

I think there needs to be space to potter about the park or put things in the dolls house. She needs space and time. There will be loads of opportunities for activities later.

Original poster
Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:11

Thanks all for your replies. Sorry I haven't replied by name, but I'm very relieved that many people think it's ok, as long as DD's clearly enjoying it. I appreciate that this could be overkill and have an effect on the years to come though. It's a tricky one. Confused

I suppose a football class, for example, at this age is just about having fun and nothing to do with the real thing. Just like having a kick about in the park, but with lots of other children.

I hope I'm right. My parents were very pushy and it was counter-productive in the long run.

OP posts:
Choufleur · 18/02/2011 22:12

DS is 4 (nearly) and does swimming once a week. I'm baulking at the idea of Beavers (he reeeeaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyyy wants to go as one of his friends has just started).

What's wrong with just playing at home, going to the park or something some of the time?

Original poster
Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:13

She's not great at entertaining herself actually. I wonder if this is why. Hmmm.

OP posts:
lubberlich · 18/02/2011 22:13

I don't think it is a lot of stuff because most of these classes for little ones barely last for 45 minutes. It takes us longer to get somewhere and park up than it does to actually do the class.
If the child wants to do something and enjoys it what is the problem?
Who cares what other people think anyway.

PigValentine · 18/02/2011 22:14

Sorry to jump in but Choufleur what area are you in? DS1 is 4 nearly 5 and I think he'd love Beavers, but I was told they had to be 6 to join?

Original poster
Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:14

Why do you baulk at the idea of Beavers, Choufleur? Is that Cubs for younger children?

OP posts:
Choufleur · 18/02/2011 22:16

Leicestershire. Yes its cubs but from 5 1/4 (ish).

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2011 22:17

'Who cares what other people think anyway?'

Well, the OP did ask.
:o

Choufleur · 18/02/2011 22:17

scouts.org.uk/beavers/

BlackType · 18/02/2011 22:17

DD does Beavers, and that's it for "activities". Beavers is great - she gets to play with local children, rather than school friends. But I think that's enough for a six-year-old. Her school day is very, very full on.

DS is eight and doesn't do any activities. Again, they do so much at school (sport, swimming, etc, etc) that I don't see the need to do anything extra.

Original poster
Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:18

Yes, perhaps I shouldn't have asked! I just read the annoying parent thread and thought - gawd, it's me! Blush

OP posts:
Choufleur · 18/02/2011 22:18

Cos I'll have to arrange for someone to take him some weeks (depending on DH's shifts) as I won't always be home from work.

Someone in DS's classes runs the group in the village and takes them from 5 1/4 (ish) may be 5 1/2? I've put his name down and am waiting for them to let me know when there is a space.

megapixels · 18/02/2011 22:18

Yes I think it's too much. But if you enjoy taking her and she enjoys doing those activities and she doesn't seem tired all the time because of it then I don't see the problem really. I don't think it benefits a child to fill all their time with activities though, they need time to just chill and just BE. You know your child best though so would probably know if it's too much for her.

muckypupster · 18/02/2011 22:20

No, that still sounds a lot to me. I couldn't afford to spend £100 per month on activities for my 30 month old DD.

Good luck to you if you can afford it though.

CarGirl · 18/02/2011 22:20

Once she goes to pre-school she won't have so much time to do these things so some will naturally get knocked on the head. I do think she needs some time at home to experience leading play - not sure if that's the right expression. I do realise though that some children really just don't do "playing" with things.

I wouldn't worry too much, shame you don't have more friends with dc a similar age to hang out with and do football in the park for free etc.

Cat98 · 18/02/2011 22:22

I don't think it is too much, as long as she enjoys it then I think it is great for her.

DS does drama and tennis. He is the same age as your DD. Used to do music too but he stopped enjoying it so we stopped. Those who say - where is the free play time, well the classes are 45 minutes each.. that's a hell of a lot of hours left!

Oh and he does cooking once a month too. Loves it Grin

Cat98 · 18/02/2011 22:23

As others said, toddler groups and the like are not structured, are they? So still free play.

Original poster
Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:24

I do have friends with DC of a similar age, but that's thanks to going to all the groups. I moved to a new town (never been near the county before!) a month before DD was born, and didn't know anyone. She has oodles of little mates, which is good as we can't have any more (biologically ous) children and her brother is a lot older.

Thanks all for your advice. I will make sure that DD has a lot more time just to play at home in future. She starts pre-school at the beginning of March for one and a half days a week, so will have even less time at home to just BE, so I'll really make the effort.

Thanks again, everyone. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:25

Ooo, Cat98, drama, tennis and cooking? Sign us up, sign us up! (only joking!)

OP posts:
Boys2mam · 18/02/2011 22:27

I've tried to withdraw DS1 from extra curriculars a little since he seemed so knackered overwhelmed and he seems much more content playing out with his friends.

I overheard one of the mums from DS1's class stating her DT's had to finish their after school gymnastics class, rush home, have their tea and dash off to their dancing class. On a Tuesday. The Tuesday is pertinent to me cos all I could think of was they still had the rest of the school week to go and god knows what other extras.

Cat98 · 18/02/2011 22:27

haha! The drama isn't really drama btw, more like a story/music type thing for toddlers, but it sounds more poncey calling it drama Grin

Choufleur · 18/02/2011 22:27

Drama? For an under 3 year old? don't you just cook at home?

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 18/02/2011 22:28

Cooking once a month?!

My ds2 and I cook together on the 2 week days that I don't work and that's for free Wink

Boys2mam · 18/02/2011 22:28

Sorry, x posts with the final post xx

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