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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to suspect I'm being an knob when it comes to parenting

90 replies

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 21:53

Inspired by the funny, cringeworthy parenting in the library thread, I'd like to know if I'm being a knob!

Apparently one of the tell-tale signs of being an obnoxious 'uber mum' is involving DCs in too many activities. But how many is too many?

DD (2 years, 8 months) goes to a couple of toddler groups, football class, swimming class, gym session, two music sessions and storytime at the library (which turns into a whole afternoon), every week. I was thinking of booking a dancing class too.

Is this too much? If so, why is it? Honestly, I'm not sure. She enjoys all of them and looks forward to each class.

I'm absolutely not a gushing, proud parent. I'm not one for talking loudly in public at all, but...am I one of those mums??

OP posts:

PomonaTodd · 18/02/2011 22:29

It does sound quite a lot. But I am inherently lazy .

I would say that £4 a session for everything except story time which I presume is free and toddler groups at maybe £2 a time? and £10 for swimming is quite a lot though. That's £30 a week which for me is a lot.

Having time to chill is important though I would say. And although you have the time to do these things now, school (and possibly pre-school in the nearer future) will rather get in the way.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 18/02/2011 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cat98 · 18/02/2011 22:30

Cook some things at home but at the class they make different things that I wouldn't have a clue about, learn about different foods and where they come from, he mixes with other kids there and seems to really enjoy it. Also it is on a weekend so DH takes him. It is only once a month too.

I've explained the drama thing ;)

lalamom · 18/02/2011 22:30

No- you are not just providing stuff for your child to do and when they are little i think it is good to get out and do stuff to give the day some sort of framework.

Good on you - i am sure you could tell if your dc did not want to do something.Maybe when they are older they need more freedom but when they are tiny they benefit from activities and parents actually talking to them!

That thread you mentioned shocked me how kind of mocking some parents are- maybe they just sit on their arses at home letting the dc watch tv and secretly long to be as active as the mums they are so quick to mock.

Let's hope their kids don't model their mocking mean spirited behaviour hey for their sakes.

Cat98 · 18/02/2011 22:32

As I said, we cook at home too but I am not a wonderful cook! dH learns from the cooking class too :)

FingandJeffing · 18/02/2011 22:33

It does sound like alot but I know from experience that you would definitely know if your DD didn't want to do it. It sounds like she is having fun and you are too. £10 for swimming sounds quite steep though.

BTW Susie you have taken it on the chin :)

Quattrocento · 18/02/2011 22:34

I think the OP needs a job

That'll cure you

Booandpops · 18/02/2011 22:35

My dd 5 yr. Does ballet for fun and swimming for essential life skills She also does French one lunch time which is school run. My son does swimming. He is 3 and that's it but we do lots of playdates. I couldnt afford any more nor would I have time or energy. I do think it's important for kids to learn to amuse themselves and often my dd will hole up in her room after school and play when she doesn't have an activity.
I do think that's an awful lot for a 2 yr old. Not because she isn't coping but because she isn't learning to do things alone.

Original poster

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:35

Oh, we do other things which aren't structured activities. We walk our dog together, which involves mud, sticks and watching alpacas running around in a field(true!) and we do 'playdates' etc. Of course, there is everyday life too - supermarket shopping etc, etc. I do think perhaps DD needs more time to herself to play with her toys.

Thanks again for all of your comments. I was worried that I'd be unreservedly mocked (although I probably deserve it!)

OP posts:

Cat98 · 18/02/2011 22:35

Agree lalamum, it is a catalyst for activity between parent and child which can only be a good thing? I completely agree children need time to just "be" but the classes take up 2 hours a week. And it is good for the parents to meet other mums too if they are a bit lonely, I certainly got lonely sometimes.

If child and parent enjoy it, seriously, what's the problem?

Original poster

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 22:38

Quattrocento, I think you're right - I do need a job! I do work in the evenings from home, but I suppose I miss the banter of colleagues.

OP posts:

solooovely · 18/02/2011 22:39

Yeah I think a bit more time at home playing with toys would be good. It teaches them to amuse themselves and independant play as well which are important. She won't get that from a structured class.

boosmummie · 18/02/2011 22:40

Seems like a lot to me. I can't see that one or two are any harm, but as others as said, they need to learn to entertain themselves. When my older children were at primary I had to laugh at some of the women literally running in and out at the end of school EVERY day to whisk their future Olympian, Vanessa Mae, Fontaine... off to whatever class it was and the poor children could barely walk from exhaustion by Friday, and then they had yet more on Sat/Sun. Not to mention tutors here and language classes there.....

A. with 3 I couldn't have afforded more than one thing each per week

and

B. they were actually more than happy cooking/getting muddy/falling out of trees and scraping knees because they couldn't control their scooters!

I certainly never got 'I'm bored' from them and DD3 who's almost 2 will be lucky to get one a week! Anyway - all she likes to do is jump and sit in puddles!

vanimal · 18/02/2011 22:50

I think that's a lot of activities, but am very jealous you get all of that on your doorstep

redstripeyelephant · 18/02/2011 22:54

Judging by the other thread, it only makes you a knob if you think that all these classes mean that you are a better parent/your DD is a child prodigy. But you seem quite normal so I'm sure it's fine

FudgeGirl · 18/02/2011 22:57

I used to do so much stuff outside of school.

I actually get a bit stressed if I've got a whole week of stuff planned out taking up all my time now, I swear it's to do with doing orchestra, brownies, youth club etc almost every night of the week as a kid

Original poster

Susiewho · 18/02/2011 23:02

No, I don't think I'm a better parent at all! Far from it!

OP posts:

tomhardyismydh · 18/02/2011 23:15

I think its ok just now but as she gets older she will need to realise these things cost money and also when at school she will not be able to do them all.

at 2 and 3 my dd did most of those things you do bar the toddler play groups, but she was at nursery full time. she started school this year so I gave her a choice of what she wanted to continue with based also on what I thought she is doing well at, having most fun in. But my dd wants to do everything.

so we have wittled it down to swimming, pretty much compulsory, but she loves and is making great proggress. football at the moment, but she misses this when she doesnt want to go and she naturaly gave up enthusisim with the gymnastics and dancing so they are off now.

she is keen to join a drama club in the summer and possibly rainbows, I may not be able to afford to add both drama and rainbows to swimming and football, so she will have to possibly give up on the rainbows idea or football. id rather she carries on with football though.

she manages this well and she is keen on the competing side of swimming as she had an awards cerimoy at her club and was so impressed. so in the future she will have this to chose. I think it is important for kids to have activities and disciplines to work towards. If they are able to keep up with them.

Firawla · 19/02/2011 00:55

I really don't see the problem with what you are doing OP and yanbu at all, you are keeping your dd busy in positive activities which involves you spending time with her, and she is presumably enjoying it so I don't see an issue with this at all. If people have an attitude of you are a "knob" something for doing this i would consider that quite bitchy (and stupid)
If it keeps you both happy to do all this then why on earth not?? also it's no one else's business, so do what you are comfortable with.
What you are doing is much better than being sat at home most of the day anyway, imo.

tomhardyismydh · 19/02/2011 01:28

there are two thraeds today of ops questioning if thier dds are over weight. I think you are providing your dd with a very active and positive life style and refreshing attidue to activity.

solooovely · 19/02/2011 08:28

Herecomesthesciencebint - I thought it said that your DS1 is brilliant at pottery! I was impressed!

activate · 19/02/2011 08:35

yes it is knobtastic

it doesn't matter how many activities she goes to she should be going because you enjoy doing it and have mates there not because "she looks forward to each class"

she's 2 and a half she'll look forward to eating worms

camdancer · 19/02/2011 08:42

During the winter I think it can be sensible to do things that get you out of the house doing something active and fun. If you can afford it and DD enjoys it then why not. Maybe once the warmer weather comes, you can spend more time just playing outside rather than doing structured things all the time.

My parents scheduled stuff for me every night of the week. I think I missed out on just going round to people's houses to play (could never go as I was busy) and also just entertaining myself at home. I was never allowed to get bored. It is hard to work against that now as a parent, but I'm trying let my DC's be on their own a bit more. Being bored isn't the worst thing in the world.

Bogeyface · 19/02/2011 08:44

I am in the "contstuctive neglect" camp!

It is more a case of needs must as I simply couldnt afford all those activities for all of the children. But it means that they do learn to amuse themselves, even the more demanding ones. A few cardboard boxes, a sheet, some cushions etc and a free afternoon is a great activity for them, and imaginative play is recognised as an essential part of childhood learning.

I would be inclined to cut it back a bit. If you think about the week in terms of "sessions" of mornings and afternoons, and try not to have more than half of those sessions with an organised activity then that leaves plenty of time for real life (the shopping etc) and for her to play on her own.

I agree with the others that said you could be setting yourself up for trouble in the future with all of this. Notleast because a) if you suddenly find you cant afford all this stuff you will have to deal with the resultant strop b) she will want to be entertained all the time with no consideration of your circumstances, illness etc and c) she will not learn that you dont always get what you want! You dont have to say yes to everything!

Galdem · 19/02/2011 08:44

I am in awe, OP. I don't think you are a 'knob' (an knob?). I think you are a bit bonkers, though, in the nicest possible way.

When mine were that age / I was at home with them, I thought I was doing well if we managed to get to the park most days for a bit of a blow in the fresh air.

How do you stand all those large groups of small children making noise? You should be a primary school teacher!

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