Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to be tikced off that DH is super dad

88 replies

pearlym · 18/02/2011 20:41

but does no housework? He is out door at 7 am and back at 7.50, just in time to wind them up for bed, he then insists on sittign with older DD till she is asleep - till about 9, then comes down, has tea and never picks up a fricking tea towel, he is supportive in many ways, but does not see the drudgery of it all, he at home one day per week while kids as school - he goes for a swim, do not begrudge him this time to self, but he does F all re the house - no washing, cleaning etc, on my day at home I clean - he gets arsey if I pull him up on it and tries to bring kids in against me - "mummy says yuo need to tidy up" etc. Why can't he see parenting and running family is more than just playing?

OP posts:

wileycoyote · 18/02/2011 20:46

Are you working outside of the home?

curlymama · 18/02/2011 20:48

So, he leaves the house at 7am, 6 days a week, is out for 12 hours, spends an hour with his child, and you want him to start doing housework after he's eaten at about 9.30? Seriously?

YABVU, unless there is more to this and you are just concentrating on the lack of housework done by your dh to cover up other problems.

GloriaSmut · 18/02/2011 20:49

Who says he is "Super Dad"? Clearly not you!

Mingg · 18/02/2011 20:50

If your kids are school age why don't you ask them to tidy up after themselves? Would make your life easier surely?

kathyb1 · 18/02/2011 20:51

you picked him!

FabbyChic · 18/02/2011 21:02

He works over 12 hours a day and you moan because he comes home and spends time with dd?

What do you want that he does in effect two jobs?

Surely to christ by the time he comes home you have done it all anyway?

Would you rather starve and he never worked?

Some people don't realise how lucky they are.

He gets one day off a week and goes swimming, well fucking unlucky you!

Project · 18/02/2011 21:10

If he is working so hard and you don't have to, why don't you get a cleaner to help out?

Project · 18/02/2011 21:11

also - can't help but think you touched a nerve with FabbyChic?

BeenBeta · 18/02/2011 21:21

Get your supermarket shopping delivered. Put a washer load on as soon as you get up.

Cleaning can be done in 2 hours once a week plus 30 mins each day quick tidy. Ironing is a 2 hours in front of TV job once a week. Get a window cleaner to come round every 3 months.

Plan something nice as a reward for yourself every day or get a part time job or volunteer role.

You sound resentful of the drudgery not how little your DH does.

TattyDevine · 18/02/2011 21:34

Um, Fabbychic, the OP works you know!

Cat98 · 18/02/2011 21:39

Yanbu to feel like you are doing everything. I can also relate to your feelings about dh being "good cop" with the kids - ie he doesn't have to discipline them during day to day life, however remember you are the ones they spend by far the most time with and I am sure you are the one they would generally turn to.

Your dh sounds like he is very busy, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve a break too, sahm is a hard job too. Book yourself some "time out" once a week too, at the weekend or one evening. You need some time just to be you.

Cat98 · 18/02/2011 21:39

Also "mummy says you need to tidy up" is not really on. He should be backing you up.

TattyDevine · 18/02/2011 21:41

If she is a SAHM then what is the "on my day at home I clean" thing? OP, can you please clarify whether you work or not because it is pertinent to the debate.

Cat98 · 18/02/2011 21:43

Sorry - you are right tatty devine. In which case yanbu full stop!

redstripeyelephant · 18/02/2011 21:48

eh? I really don't get the posters who say it is ok for him to do nothing. OP didn't say he works 6 days a week, just that he has one weekday at home, when I presume the OP is at work.

YANBU. Even if you are a SAHM, you both still 'work' during the day, just differently. When he comes home any remaining household tasks should be shared.

My DH is often out of the house from 7am to 8pm, but he still pulls his weight when he's here. During the week I do most of it, but he will do the dishes if there are any left in the evening, do the hoovering at the weekend, put a load of washing on if it needs doing etc.

I really don't get the attitude that the mum's job is 24/7 while the dad gets to clock off when he gets in from work.

scottishmummy · 18/02/2011 21:51

out the house 12hr day,course he wants to see kids.

if you are at home all day- you sort the house,stop fanny about on mn maybe

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 18/02/2011 21:56

the 'just in time to wind them up for bed' thing is v annoying - you have my sympathy there OP.
yanbu, I don't get the idea some posters on this thread seem to have that it is ok for the man to have some time off but not the woman.

if you are working similar hours you should do similar things; either way, whether you are SAHM or WOHM you should get the same time off as he does.

scottishmummy · 18/02/2011 22:00

sahm isnt comparable to a job.at all.dont be daft

redstripeyelephant · 18/02/2011 22:01

oooh scottishmummy that's fighting talk

SAHM to 2 preschoolers is much harder than any poncey office job I've done.

GotArt · 18/02/2011 22:02

There's lots to make you day better and less tedious. My DH leaves for work at 10am and is home around midnight. He's a Chef and needless to say, his job is on all the time. He does get two days off, and he does all the cooking on those days, plays hockey for a couple of hours on the second day while DD and I go swimming. He gets up a couple times a week with DD as well so I can go to the gym. But I have no problem with doing the cleaning and laundry and shopping through the week. I'm at home, work from home, so am more able to do it. He even rides a motorbike to work all winter (in west coast Canada) so DD and I can have the car. I think your problem is more related to the tediousness and mind numbing boredom of being a SAHM can be sometimes.

curlymama · 18/02/2011 22:03

They should both get the same time off, butpart of being a SAHM is to take care of the house! There shouldn't be any remaining jobs that have to be done that day by 9.30 at night.

scottishmummy · 18/02/2011 22:04

may feel subjectively hardest job.but sahm isnt a job.and cant be compared to one .isnt like for like.oh and that cheesetastic hardest job in world drips cliches

wileycoyote · 18/02/2011 22:04

I agree with scottish mummy. A SAHM gets loads of time off once the kids are at school. Both parents need some time out from the kids.

curlymama · 18/02/2011 22:06

Also, it is possible to get some housework done with small children around. Much easier than it would be to do it from the office!

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 18/02/2011 22:07

if you don't get any time off at all from looking after small children your head explodes. Scientific fact. If your dh does get time off, but you don't, you may accidentally kill him with a heavy wooden rocking horse, and no thinking person would blame you.

it is a moot point though as the OP must be WOHM as she talks about her 'day at home'.

Flip

1 2 3 4