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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give a 3 year old the following responsibility:

80 replies

lovemy2babies · 18/02/2011 15:23

I'm wondering if I expect too much from my recently turned 3 year old daughter.

She seems to have regressed recently and wants me and DH to do it all for her.

She is also starting to lie when asked if said task has been completed she says 'yes' when in fact she has not.

So DD's responsibilites are:

*Take herself to the toilet when she needs to and pull her pants down and do her business

*Wipe if wee (I will clean if poo).

*Pull up pants, wash hands with soap & dry hands

*Feed herself the food that is infront of her

*lay cutlery on the table

*Place her dirty plastic dishs in the sink,

*Pick up/tidy up toys

*Fetch me somthing I have asked for

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Mummyrev · 18/02/2011 15:25

No, sounds perfectly reasonable to me. My two do that most of the time and they are nearly 4.

Gleekfreak · 18/02/2011 15:28

Yes, YABU at just turned 3 to be expecting her to clear her plates away and lay table. We all do tidying toys together and make a game of it if possible. And fetching you stuff...! Hmm And I always check re:toiletting, hand washing to ensure done enough. My DC's idea of a hand wash and mine can sometimes differ :o

3littlefrogs · 18/02/2011 15:28

Perhaps it would be useful to ask yourself why she has regressed? There is usually a reason. Some kind of stress or change, or something she is anxious about?

Even the smallest thing can be a huge thing for a 3 year old, so give it some thought.

3littlefrogs · 18/02/2011 15:29

And it is worth remembering that there is a massive difference between a just 3 yr old and an almost 4 year old - almost a quarter of a lifetime.

FabbyChic · 18/02/2011 15:29

Is she your slave? Or are you just a couch potato?

Mummyrev · 18/02/2011 15:29

Sorry, she is just 3. In that case you are probably looking at that list as something to aim for, but generally YANBU.

Original poster
lovemy2babies · 18/02/2011 15:30

mummyrev if you dont mind me asking how consistant are your dc in completing thier responsibilites?

I find I am struggling recently in getting DD to do much.

She doesnt tantrum just gets very cheeky and defiant

OP posts:
GlynistheGimmer · 18/02/2011 15:30

i think it depends on your interpretation of 'responsible'

she is only just learning that other people have expectations of her, alongside her having expectations of other people. a 3yr old is still very much 'me' centred, in that unless she can recognise the immediate benefit TO HER of doing these things, i think you are going to have a huge number of battles on your hands.

my daughter is 3.8yrs and i know if i left the responsibilities of your list to her i'd end up with a sink full of water, lots of toilet paper all over the place and basically a huge trail of destruction

but...............

you should include her in the tidying up, she can learn that things don't clean themselves up.

wolfhound · 18/02/2011 15:30

i think what you're expecting is reasonable - BUT expecting her to always do it is unreasonable. 3 year olds fluctuate in what they're willing to comply with (tiredness/stress etc. etc.) My 3yo DS does all those things, but has times/days when he doesn't. Maybe babying her for a bit will make her feel reassured and she'll soon want to do it all herself again?

PigValentine · 18/02/2011 15:33

If she has regressed, perhaps she feels too much is being asked of her, and she wants to be "babied"

DC1 is 4, I have always encouraged him to do things for himself, but at just turned 3, I wouldn't have thought of them as his responsibilities - just ways in which I couldn help him to be independent. Such as getting his own shoes, taking a coat on and off - I wouldn't expect a just turned 3 year old to lay the table, and certainly not as a "responsibility" - maybe for fun!!

She is too little to be fetching you things.

3littlefrogs · 18/02/2011 15:34

I think your expectations are a bit unrealistic TBH. She is still very small. I think it is a bit odd to have a "list of responsibilities" for a 3 year old.

Skimty · 18/02/2011 15:39

Now I feel like a fascist... My 2.3 year old is expected to help her brother (4.3) ste the table and they both clear the table. She's not big enough to take herself to the toilet. They also both make their own beds.

Clearly they need help and do help each other but I do expect it.

randommoment · 18/02/2011 15:42

You need to keep on rewarding her and reminding her about all these things, some of them right up until she goes to school. Keep it as a game and it should be okay. And don't go ballistic when she gets it wrong. She's still a very little girl.

The lying bit... little kids are so bad at lying, it's almost cute. She's testing out your boundaries. Stay cool but determined.
Good luck.

3littlefrogs · 18/02/2011 15:42

A 2 year old will normally enjoy copying a 4 year old sibling. That is a slightly different scenario - I am guessing the OP's dd is a first child? (prepared to be flamed if I am wrong).

Jareth · 18/02/2011 15:42

Not unrealistic at all, all the 3yo's I know do all of these things (toilet/handwashing etc under supervision though to make sure)

DS has been getting his own cutlery since 2.6, though I wouldn't expect him to put out anybody elses or know where to put it.

I don't have to ask him though, he just does all these things by himself :)

rosie1979 · 18/02/2011 15:42

I would encourage her to do all of the abobe but would not expect it IYSWIM?
Alist of responsibilities is a bit formal? Also I wouldnt use the word "lie" with a 3year old, it just does not feel right!

catzcream · 18/02/2011 15:45

Nothing wrong to encourage this.

My DS has done a lot of this for quite a while although at 3.6 there are only now parts he is starting to do consistently.
There are days he doesnt want to do it and it is ok.

I would say encourage and lots of positive praise when it is all done. But 3 is still little and if they want to regress a little, is not a big deal, humour them.

Original poster
lovemy2babies · 18/02/2011 15:47

:) Thank you all for your honest opinions.

DD fetches me things like the letters that have just come through the post box and the babies nappies.

Could be because attention is shared to the baby but thats all I can think of.

So do I need to help her wash her hands more?

And laying cutlery is somthing she enjoys and wants to do.

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 18/02/2011 15:52

She is just testing the boundaries. At that age I would make chores 'fun' and do them together. Not expect her to do it whilst you aren't tere. Children of that age do get distracted v easily and she might really forget what task she has been given to do.

My two girls loved helping me, they loved doing a good job. I was always on hand to praise them and never took it for granted that it would get done.

I used to reward them with stickers, maybe that would work.

Original poster
lovemy2babies · 18/02/2011 15:54

I use the word responsibility as these are things she does independitly and I trust her to do them.

just lately she lies about doing them.

I also think shes pushing bounderies not sure how to deal with.

Dont want to punish her everytime she pushes a boundery.

Will try reward chart.

OP posts:
holyShmoley · 18/02/2011 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lovemy2babies · 18/02/2011 15:56

So what independance do others encourage in thioer 3 year olds?

OP posts:
Original poster
lovemy2babies · 18/02/2011 15:59

holyshmoley the being fed is my biggest frustration at the moment.

I have always treid to get DD to fed herself in reason of age, untill DH decided she was too messy and spoon fed her.

Now at 3 I think she should be feeding herself as a basic skill however she has gotten used to being spoon fed and will day dream at dinner time or just refuse to feed herself.

Are there many 3 year olds who are spoon fed?

OP posts:
BlueFergie · 18/02/2011 16:02

Too young to fetch things at 3? Jesus I had my two fetching me things from as soon as they could walk and understand the words. DS is just gone 2 and he goes and gets nappies/ wipes/ my phone/ post for me. He loves doing it

rosie1979 · 18/02/2011 16:02

My ds feeds himself, still needs help with going to the loo though.
He can take his coat and shoes off.
Fetches toys and tidys away (kind of)
I dont have very high expectations! ;)