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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be absolutely furious to receive a letter from the LA informing me my daughter is overweight

242 replies

fuckadoodledo · 18/02/2011 13:28

They were all weighed at school a few weeks ago,I thought for a confidential survey, but I've received a useless patronising letter informing me cheerily she is in the overweight group, with a ridiculous flyer asking "Hands up who wants healthy kids??"
My daughter is TEN, her body is in complete changeover from puberty she's solidly built but not fat, and I already spend too much time reassuring her she is NOT fat.
My DS in London's son has also been weighed, How many millions must this pointless exercise have cost? And to what purpose???
She would be absolutely devastated to be told she is officially overweight....

OP posts:
poodlerockin · 18/02/2011 13:55

And yes - BMI is completely different for children. It's really complicated to work out becuase it uses different height and weight charts (like the ones used for babies). You can't apply an adult chart to a child.

This is the website that works out whether your child is a healthy weight or not

[[http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Healthyweightcalculator.aspx here]

irisjohnson · 18/02/2011 13:55

I've just refused to give permission for ds1 (yr 6) and dd (reception) to be weighed at school for precisely this reason. I know ds1 probably weighs heavy but he does hours of sport outside school every week, is very muscular and certainly one of the slimmest and fittest in the class. However, last time I weighed him (no scales in the house for about a year now so it was a while ago) he would definitely have been classed as overweight. I would have been so angry to get a letter telling me this when it was plainly not true that I have avoided the situation altogether.

Also, he is already quite obsessed with his body and having a six pack etc so I really don't want to feed this. He is the kind of child who could stop eating properly if an official told him he was overweight.

I agree that there is a problem with obesity levels but the current approach does not take individuals into account and has the potential to cause anxiety and upset as a result.

poodlerockin · 18/02/2011 13:56

here

not1not2 · 18/02/2011 13:56

YANBU
completely pointless waste of time and money IMHO
those who have 'fat' children know it they just don't want to believe it!!

I refused consent for my dd to be measured they went ahead and did it anyway.

She was a tiny bit under the overweight category according to BMI, however she is so skinny that her ribs stick out regardless of whether she is breathing in or out, her knees look like little lumps (for want of a better way of describing it) because her legs are so thin on either side, her waist is tiny indeed some shorts for 3 yr olds still fit, I could go on.

Fortunately I ignored it, rather than restrict calorie intake to allow her to grow into her weight

Vallhala · 18/02/2011 13:56

Declining my permission? Hmm Oh, FGS, what sort of English is that? D'oh!

Tanso · 18/02/2011 13:56

21.2 bmi for children is in 94th percentile. This means that 94 percent of children are lighter than her and 6 percent are heavier.

The letter means you as a parent can make an informed decision about whether to do something about it or not.

if you already knew this already then just disregard the letter. Some parents may not realise. It is those parents a letter like this will help.

mamatomany · 18/02/2011 13:57

Children grow out and then up so if weigh the children just before an upward growth spurt then the findings will be inaccurate, most mothers know this, HCP don't seem to know this despite many of them being mothers, it's odd.
Where is the common sense ?

mamatomany · 18/02/2011 13:58

[http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Healthyweightcalcu lator.aspx here]

NightLark · 18/02/2011 13:59

A child-specific BMI calculator (and it does need to be child-specific) puts your DD's BMI at 21.3.

That would be in the healthy range for adults, but for a 10 year old girl it puts her at the 91st centile for BMI.

That sounds overweight to me.

I can't figure out whether you're angry because you think the overweight diagnosis is wrong, or you think it's no-one else's business if parents are raising fat kids, or you think it is an ineffective way of raising the issue with you.

IMO, the third of those it the only one I have any sympathy with.

mamatomany · 18/02/2011 13:59

lator.aspx here

FanjolinaJolie · 18/02/2011 14:00

FGS don't show her the letter, it's for you not her.

While she might be comfortably 'solid' at age 10 by early teenage years it may have become a bigger problem and far more difficult to address.

You don't need to put her on a diet at her age, she is not supposed to lose weight. But it may be an idea to increase the amount of activity and exercise so that her existing weight kind of 'plateau's' out as she grows taller.

I know these letters to be a shock when you don't think there is anything wrong. But treat it as a bit of a heads-up that changes may have to be made in the future. If she thinks she is fat that tells me that it might be an issue already.

Tanso · 18/02/2011 14:00

mamatomany, Im sure the bmi chart for children has already taken into account the way children grow. This is why it is different to the adult one.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 18/02/2011 14:00

Hmmm, I'm not sure that 10-year-old girls are supposed to be solid, are they? I was often told that I was solid or "strong-boned" by my parents. Looking at photos of me at 10ish, I was definitely overweight. And, tbh it's taken a long time of yo-yo dieting to get to my current weight. My parents used to give me a lot of chocolate and sweets and they were quite sedentary, so it's not surprising the weight went on. Not saying that this applies to you, OP, of course.

MollysChambers · 18/02/2011 14:00

You may or may not BU.

Couldn't say without seeing your DD but what I will say is that I have come across parents who genuinely don't think their kids are overweight when they clearly are.

An acquaintance told me the other week that she was so happy her DD had inherited her Dad's build (tall and thin) and not hers (short and very fat). Smiled and nodded while thinking "How can she not see it?" Her DD is fat. Not very fat but very definitely bigger than the vast majority of girls her age. Anyway they then trooped off to the cafe to get some chips for lunch!

Some people do need it pointed out to them. As a parent it is fairly simple to modify diet and encourage more activity without letting on why.

Fiddledee · 18/02/2011 14:01

I was "solid" at age 10 and most of my childhood. I did get my first period at age 10 so had puberty early. All the weight disappeared by the time I was 12, I was a size 8 until for 25 years until I had kids.

Solid child does not equal fat adult.

DaisySteiner · 18/02/2011 14:04

Children can have the healthiest diet and lifestyle imaginable, but if they consume more calories than they burn off then they will become overweight. One family I know quite well, the children have a wonderful diet and are extremely sporty and active (do tennis, cricket, football several times a week). They are all obviously overweight though, no mistaking it because they eat big portions of lovely healthy food which are simply too big!

AvonCallingBarksdale · 18/02/2011 14:05

It's probably a mixture of genes, too. Fiddledee, I'd say you were lucky that all the weight disappeared, but unfortunately for many people, solid/well built child does often lead to fat teenager, who's going to find it even harder not to become a fat adult. IMO

FanjolinaJolie · 18/02/2011 14:05

Daisy that is certainly true.

Portion control can be a real issue.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 18/02/2011 14:05

Yes, portion size definitely a factor, too.

giliair · 18/02/2011 14:07

Ds brought home one of those healthy surveys with the jelly baby people on. They want to know how much exercise and what junk foods the children eat every day. They have spelt vegetable as vegatable. Hmm

QuintessentialShadows · 18/02/2011 14:08

Well, if the child thinks she is fat, the mother recognizes that she is "solid", and the school has weighed and measured her and found her overweight, she is hardly likely to be slim, now is she?

OP, you are not doing your dd a favour by refusing to acknowledge there may be an issue!
But do not show her the letter.

As the parent of my own 8 year old, it is up to me to motive him and take him to his martial arts classes, and for his father to take him out skiing. He enjoys both these activities, but did not know how much he liked it until he had tried.

He is a skinny thing, though. And if the school sent me a letter telling me he was underweight, and could give me tips for him to get into a healthy weight range, I would not be offended.

In the same way, I was not offended when my gp suggested I lose weight, as I am "solid".

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/02/2011 14:09

My best friend as a child had what was referred to in those as puppy fat I was whippet thin. Fast forward 25 years she is a skinny size 8 and I have more than inherited my mothers mothering hips Angry I know it can follow that a fat chld will be a fat adult but it's not always the case.

foxter · 18/02/2011 14:10

I got a letter like this too, but I just laughed, showed all my friends and then filed it away for prosperity. My DS is the skinniest little thing ever, but he's very muscular - I think wiry (wirey?) is the term?

I can understand you being a bit upset, but absolutely furious? Why? It's a waste of energy. Just chuck it away and forget about it if you genuinely believe your DD is ok.

Chandon · 18/02/2011 14:11

I don't want my son weighed, so I have opted out of this scheme, precisely because I wanted top avoid patronising and pointless correspondence.

my DS is a very big strong boy (weighed over 10 pounds at birth!) but not at all fat. He is very muscly though, as he does loads of sport (swimming, judo, football and tennis). He is big boned, big hands and feet, just a strong build iyswim. And half a head taller than the rest of the class.

according to official weight charts he is overweight. But there's hardly any fat on him. So I don't have him weighed at school to avoid this nonsense.

People DO have different builds. You know if your DC is too fat or not.

Hullygully · 18/02/2011 14:12

Wot QS said.

And "puppy fat" is nonsense - long since discredited.