Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be absolutely furious to receive a letter from the LA informing me my daughter is overweight

242 replies

fuckadoodledo · 18/02/2011 13:28

They were all weighed at school a few weeks ago,I thought for a confidential survey, but I've received a useless patronising letter informing me cheerily she is in the overweight group, with a ridiculous flyer asking "Hands up who wants healthy kids??"
My daughter is TEN, her body is in complete changeover from puberty she's solidly built but not fat, and I already spend too much time reassuring her she is NOT fat.
My DS in London's son has also been weighed, How many millions must this pointless exercise have cost? And to what purpose???
She would be absolutely devastated to be told she is officially overweight....

OP posts:
onceamai · 19/02/2011 08:36

I agree with the OP. My dd is/was exactly the same. At 10 she had started her periods, was wearing a B cup bra, and if I entered here height/weight for a 10 year old she was overweight, if I entered the same weight/height for a 13 year old which was in line with here development she was NOT overweight.

This is exactly why I withdrew her from this survey - because I didn't want her medical records to state that at 10 years old she was overweight.

And I was right ......with half term of starting secondary school, longer journey, longer day, more and heavier bags, another inch taller and the weight started to melt. The other factor is that at secondary the girls are not forced to eat everything in their lunch box. They can eat what satisfies them - so much for healthy eating in schools.

Goldenbear · 19/02/2011 08:45

posieparker, I don't think that sounds a moderate approach in your treatment of your one DS in banning him from any snacks other than fruit. Your taking an extreme line to a non existent weight issue - you say he has the propensity to put on weight but your dealing with the issue as if he is morbidly obese. You sound almost resentful if him inheriting the non-skinny genes yet say he's a model. It all sounds a bit OTT like you're projecting your own insecurities on to him. As well as fat children everywhere comments I think you see the other extreme these days, where parents are obsessive about their child's weight!

TheSkiingGardener · 19/02/2011 08:46

YANBU. I'm sure these letters could be useful if common sense was applied but it isnt. I was identified as overweight at 11, and was pulled out of lessons to have chats with a nurse about my problem. I had a completely flat stomach and did loads of exercise but inherited my fathers bull neck and stature never now at 165cm 12 stone is the weight that gives me a flat stomach.

The girl who needed her clothes altered because they didn't make them large enough was apparently fine Confused

Common sense would have made it far less pointless.

noonar · 19/02/2011 08:49

COCYX BMI is not the same in adults as children! for example, a BM! of 18 in a child is pretty chunky, but in an adult is underweight!

TOMHARDY your dd sounds like mine. aged just 9. 78th centile. borderline chubby. we work hard on healthy eating too. as i said to the OP, i know what a 78 th centile child loks like, so how can a 90 something centile child not be over weight??

YET.... the statistics obv dont always ring true... i did a little experiment with my dd2 who is a very very - not -an -ounce of fat-slim, just for comparison. i put her details into her red book and she came out as 25th centile for height, but 50th for weight. Now, i had understood that if there is a 25 centile gap between weight and height that you must be too heavy. dd2 is NOT, so my theory doesnt seem to apply!

coccyx · 19/02/2011 08:58

oooops

FickleFreckle · 19/02/2011 08:58

What worries me about the NHS's approach to obesity (and the tone of this thread seems to back that up) is the total lack of understanding, and apparently interest, in the psychology of overeating and the emotional issues around food.

Food, and fat, are not neutral issues, especially not for women. The stigma around overeating and obesity (and some of the language on this thread has been very cruel and unnecessary IMO) fuels shame, which fuels denial, depression, and comfort-eating. That stigma and the emotions it produces is always going to come into play when children are weighed or letters sent out. (We used to have regular weight checks when I was a girl at boarding-school and I remember not eating for a few days beforehand and being thrilled when I was actually told to gain weight!)

People are often overweight because they use food for comfort and pleasure. The unhappier they are the more they will do this. The less confident they are the more they will hide away and rely on eating for pleasure. You can see then how a vicious cycle is created.

We know what causes weight gain from a physical point of view. We now need to do more research into how to support people with the factors that are making them unable to implement the vast quantities of advice and information flying around (we are all being advised to death!).

Denial happens when people can't cope with the implications - when what is being asked of them is just too much even if it might not seem so from the outside.

I would like to see more money being put into providing safe alternatives to the wild spaces and streets that were once a child's birthright - adventure playgrounds for example, more playworkers, facilitating more contact with nature.

I'd also like to see less workplace stress, parents less exhausted and overwhelmed, so that quick food that stimulates the pleasure centres in your brain fast is less appealing. But...dream on...

Remember that it takes a long time without the props of pleasure-stimulating food in order to lose weight, and the rewards of being slim won't be felt for a long time, and people are just trying to get through the day, and get their dcs through the day, and the comfort of fattening food is immediate and readily available. So is the relief of vegging out too long in front of the telly or losing yourself in too many computer games. More wholesome pleasures may not be readily available especially if overweight has made you sluggish or self-conscious.

OP, I am not putting you in this category BTW. I am sure you and your daughter lead a healthy enough lifestyle and it sounds as if even if your daughter is a little overweight - and very likely she isn't - it is something that can be corrected without too much difficulty.

I'd just like to see a bit more depth and sensitivity in tackling this issue generally, that's all. I think it would actually get us somewhere towards real progress instead of what I agree with NorthernLurker is a box-ticking exercise.

coccyx · 19/02/2011 09:03

But on keep kids healthy website the Bmi comes out at 21.3 and at risk of being overweight.

noonar · 19/02/2011 09:12

exactly, cocyx. 21 for an adult female would be ideal. but 21 for a child is overweight. (earlier you said that 21 was fine.)

you can measure a child's BMI but the range for under/ over/ ideal weight is different.

coccyx · 19/02/2011 09:17

Only says risk of being overweight.
I personally would not be bothered by the letter.Maybe look at diet and make some changes, but not be mortally offended.
Kids are fat but some parents hate to be told.

EditedforClarity · 19/02/2011 09:20

YABU - you have been given information. Use it as you see fit.

Can I just say though - the school don't weigh the children. School Health weigh them via the school for national statistics. You can choose to opt out if you wish.

OP surely your letter comes from School Health not the LA?

Sorry I know it's nitpicking but schools get blamed for the change in the weather these days.

ThePosieParker · 19/02/2011 09:29

Goldenbear: posieparker, I don't think that sounds a moderate approach in your treatment of your one DS in banning him from any snacks other than fruit. Your taking an extreme line to a non existent weight issue - you say he has the propensity to put on weight but your dealing with the issue as if he is morbidly obese. You sound almost resentful if him inheriting the non-skinny genes yet say he's a model. It all sounds a bit OTT like you're projecting your own insecurities on to him. As well as fat children everywhere comments I think you see the other extreme these days, where parents are obsessive about their child's weight!

Not at all, he doesn't know other snacks are banned....christ I've had my own eating disorder!! He's got a slightly dimply belly which we don't want getting any bigger.....he's not on a diet just healthy eating.

ThePosieParker · 19/02/2011 09:29

Erm and he's not the only one to have a switch to purely healthy eating, the dcs all need a little retraining on the healthy taste front.

tyler80 · 19/02/2011 10:05

"In Oz where weight is not a national scandal people exercise and stay slim almost just by living there.....it's the done thing."

Australia beats US to title of most obese nation

Australia does well keeping the stereotype of healthy living, blonde, tanned beach goers alive but it's somewhat removed from the reality.

In fact, the first time I went over there, the thing that struck me was how fat a lot of people were.

I thought Morloth's example was interesting, because there is so much emphasis on fat kids become fat adults. I wondered if these skinny kids she talks about actually become fat adults too, which questions the usefulness of these sorts of programs.

ThePosieParker · 19/02/2011 10:14

Oh.....Blush.

jellybeans · 19/02/2011 10:15

YANBU I refused all mine to take part as I disagree in principal. About 1/5 of the class opted out. I didn't like the effect it had on DDs when they came home with the letter and jumped straight on the scales. The whole class were discussing weights afterwards and a couple of kids felt really 'fat' afterwards DD said when they realised they were alot heavier than rest of class.

Madsometimes · 19/02/2011 10:28

In reception, most children are more or less the same size and shape. Not the case by Y6, especially for the girls. There are girls that look 8 and girls that look 14. All completely normal and down to when puberty hits.

Our school nurse hates weighing year 6 children, because every time one breaks down in tears to her. She tells them they are fine, and sometimes a computer sends out a silly letter.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/02/2011 10:34

Madsometimes... That's what really brings the food issue problem home to me. We got weighed in Junior school (I'm 42 now), it was only once in the whole time I was there, I think, and we blithly hopped on and off the scales and never thought more about it.

It's dreadful that year 6 children are so aware of weight issues when they really shouldn't be. :(

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread