Page 5 | to consider the dreaded controlled crying?

wahwahwahwahwahwah · 2011-02-17T19:30:35+00:00

DS is 5 months old. He has been sleeping well up til recently (not through the night as he is BF so wakes up to feed) When he gets tired he screams and screams and screams. No amount of cuddling will calm him down but there is nothing obviously wrong. He also does this in the night when he wakes up, screaming (not just crying but *screaming*) for hours at a time. Me and DH are going crazy. Would WBU to try controlled crying? Does anyone have any advice? :(

MoonUnitAlpha · 19/02/2011 23:31

You've genuinely never come across the idea that people find leaving a 4 week old to cry it out shocking?

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 23:31

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FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 23:32

MUA no, its called CIO

Bearcrumble · 19/02/2011 23:43

You must, on some level, know what you did was utterly wrong.

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 23:44

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backwardpossom · 19/02/2011 23:47

Of course she does, she wouldn't be calling us names/telling you to fuck off/generally being defensive if she a) thought what she did was the Right Thing To Do, and b)is completely happy with her parenting choices.

I'm far from the perfect mother, ffs - and I'm sure some of MN would think some of the things I do are terrible - but I'm completely happy with my choices as a parent. If someone on the internet said something I do was terrible, I wouldn't really give a flying fuck.

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 23:49

Oh backwards I wasn't calling you names, you are one of my bessie mates

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 23:50

btw I am a 'he, not a 'she'

backwardpossom · 19/02/2011 23:54

Apologies for assuming you're a female. Easy mistake to make on Mumsnet huh?

So, in light of the new information:

BC - Of course he does, he wouldn't be calling us names/telling you to fuck off/generally being defensive if he a) thought what she did was the Right Thing To Do, and b)is completely happy with his parenting choices.

I'm far from the perfect mother, ffs - and I'm sure some of MN would think some of the things I do are terrible - but I'm completely happy with my choices as a parent. If someone on the internet said something I do was terrible, I wouldn't really give a flying fuck.

bubbleymummy · 19/02/2011 23:59

Hattie, I'm not trying to be a hurtful bitch at all. CC is not recommended before 6 months and it involves some degree of interacting with the baby every few minutes. Cry it out is completely different because it involves no interation - it is a sugar coated way of saying "ignore your baby until it shuts up". It is cruel and neglectful and I don't care if that makes you feel bad because quite frankly you should! What's more, you actually did feel bad about it because you cried while doing it! You sat for 3 hours and ignored every maternal instinct that told you to go to your baby. So you didn't even think it was right. The fact that you continued to do it over the next few days until your baby finally gave up is even more horrific.

Bearcrumble, thank you for your support. I think there are probably many other posters that would agree with us but don't want to offend. I would rather offend a million people than keep quiet about the wilful neglect of a child.

Funnys - newsflash - babies cry. They need their mother - for milk, comfort and reassurance- and crying is their only way to communicate. It's not some amazing feat to respond to your baby. 'nothing else to be done' after 2 hours of shush pat? Did you try picking him up? Rocking him? Winding him? No methods of sleep training are recommended at 4 weeks. I'm with bearcrumble on this - what the hell were you thinking?

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 00:01

Well that explains the lack of maternal instinct from you then funnys - baby is a bit of an inconvenience to you is it?

splashyy · 20/02/2011 00:21

funny I'm sorry to hear that you had so little support that you felt compelled to leave a four week old to cry it out. You need to understand that people are shocked at what you did because a 4 week old baby cannot self soothe. I know a baby who cries constantly can be extremely distressing, I have been there. My dd used to cry nearly through the night - she had severe reflux and would vomit and scream in pain. I was exhausted but would never have left her to cry it out. Even if you can't comfort them, cuddles still help.

splashyy · 20/02/2011 00:21

funny I'm sorry to hear that you had so little support that you felt compelled to leave a four week old to cry it out. You need to understand that people are shocked at what you did because a 4 week old baby cannot self soothe. I know a baby who cries constantly can be extremely distressing, I have been there. My dd used to cry nearly through the night - she had severe reflux and would vomit and scream in pain. I was exhausted but would never have left her to cry it out. Even if you can't comfort them, cuddles still help.

LittleHouseByTheRiver · 20/02/2011 00:38

wahwah I hope you have found the debate helpful. I am amazed at the spectrum of strongly held opinions on this. Everybody does the best they can.

I had an extremely strong minded DD1 and at 8 months the HV recommended controlled crying. I followed the plan but spent nearly four and a half hours sobbing on the stairs and popping in and out of her room while she showed her rage.
Next day the neighbours all commented on the racket! Total failure for me.

I am happy to report that now she is nineteen she regularly gets the better of me and is reading Politics at Oxford. If I had known what I was up against all that time ago I would have brought her down to watch Newsnight and poured myself a gin!

Original poster

wahwahwahwahwahwah · 20/02/2011 09:40

Last night he went up to bed at 6.30 after a feed and fell asleep straight away. He woke up at 7 and started whinging so I went back and for the room for an hour before I took him out of the cot, I figured he'd had more sleep in the day so must just not be tired yet.
I took him downstairs for 20 mins, and he started getting sleepy again so I took him back upstairs. Put him in the cot and he went straight to sleep. He then slept right through til 1.30am, when I gave him a feed. He fought going to sleep for about 20mins, but he did it.

I went to bed at about 2.30 as my sister was visiting from London!

He woke at about 3.30, I left him for 5mins to see if he'd go back off, but he didnt and I was really tired, so I didnt even try to calm him, I just brought him in the bed with me!

He then stayed asleep til 6.30 this morning!!

Very proud of how the rest of the night went as a whole :)

Btw, to anyone that misunderstood, I never suggested I would use CIO, I do know that they are very different things.
I feel awful for anyone that has been so far past the end of their tether that they think that is the only thing they can do, especially with a tiny baby :(

OP posts:

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 11:19

wahwah - it sounds like you're getting there! It is a slow process. I have to say that I always opt for the path of least resistance in the middle of the night so bringing him into bed at 3.30 would have been my decision too! :) You sound like you are taking his needs into consideration lots - and watching him rather than the clock which I think will result less crying. As you saw yourself - if you put them to bed when they're tired they fall asleep quicker rather than putting them to bed at a set time :)

I can't believe you got up at 6.30 after going to bed at 2.30! You must be exhausted. Maybe you can head off for a sneaky nap with him later! :)

ipredicttrouble · 20/02/2011 12:29

YANBU

5 months is perhaps a tad young. But we did CC with DD from 6 months and it worked within a few days.

She is now a fantastic sleeper.

JohannaM · 20/02/2011 12:51

Maybe he's bored! Seriously. We had a spell of this around about 5-6 months and it was getting us both down. Couldn't do anything with ours so used to leave a very dim light on in room and play tapes of really soothing quiet music - lots of piano pieces, Nocturnes and the like.

Yes he'd scream for a while but then he'd drop off. By the time he was 8-9 months he was "sleeping like a baby" all night!