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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider the dreaded controlled crying?

118 replies

wahwahwahwahwahwah · 17/02/2011 19:30

DS is 5 months old. He has been sleeping well up til recently (not through the night as he is BF so wakes up to feed)

When he gets tired he screams and screams and screams. No amount of cuddling will calm him down but there is nothing obviously wrong. He also does this in the night when he wakes up, screaming (not just crying but screaming) for hours at a time.

Me and DH are going crazy. Would WBU to try controlled crying? Does anyone have any advice?

:(

OP posts:
Hattie05 · 18/02/2011 23:05

bubblemummy - unless you've been through it you wouldn't understand. I offered my personal story in case the OP was at breaking point which i was. THankfully she's not and glad you have it sorted OP!

I am a loving mother and do not treat my children with cruelty and would appreciate you stepping off your high horse.

I was a mother about to throw herself off a cliff if i didn't find a way to meet the needs of all my children - not just one. Previously i had tried going back into settle but this just distressed her even more.

LilyC · 19/02/2011 16:12

We used a form of CC when our baby was 3 months old and it has worked brilliantly. She can now (usually) self settle when she wakes up in the night and goes down in the evening without any problems at all and waits happily in her cot in the morning for us to go in and get her. We didn't leave her crying for more than 2 minutes without going in, a method recommended by Kate Daymond, a sleep consultant for babies of 3 months or more. Have a look at this website:
www.katedaymond.co.uk/help.html

RMCW · 19/02/2011 16:17

Teething?

Reflux?

I would recommend "no cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth pantley rather than CC.

Original poster
wahwahwahwahwahwah · 19/02/2011 18:48

Another night and (TOUCH WOOD) he is in his cot asleep :)

He woke up quite a bit in the night, but most of the time he was either grizzling quietly or talking to himself. He had a bit of a scream at about 4am, just after DH got home (he finished early to relieve my shift Grin) and DH took him out of the cot and he just got worse and worse! Me and DH had a bit of a falling out then!!

He woke up at 6am and DH took him downstairs and they both fell asleep cuddled on the settee. Which made his routine for the day a bit squewiff then, so me and DH fell out again! DH is now under strict instructions to follow the routine under threat of divorce :)

He went in the cot for one nap, an hour later than he should and slept fine. For the second nap though, he only slept about 10mins then woke up and lay happily in the cot for about 45mins. He then dropped off for about another 10 mins, before waking again.

I would guess that the screaming was just caused by being so overtired, plus then being used to being cuddled to sleep

I'll see how he does tonight and update again later...

OP posts:
bubbleymummy · 19/02/2011 20:03

Hattie - I understand you were at breaking point but what you chose to do to 'cope' was not 'meeting her needs' at all. As I said before, many people have been at breaking point and have had to step out of the room for a few moments which is understandable - so is letting them cry for a few minutes while you get dinner on - though many choose to use a bouncy chair or a sling to help with this or let older siblings distract them for a while. What I can't understand is how you could get dinner, bedtimes etc out of the way with the rest of the family but still go on to ignore your crying 5 month old for several hours! You can try to justify it all you want but I am never going to consider that an acceptable 'coping' strategy. If a childminder or nanny did that you would be looking for a new one pretty quick and reporting them to the relevant authorities!

I do not agree with CC myself and haven't used it (not because my children are angels or because I'm some super parent btw!) but from what I gather the idea is to go into settle them every 1 minute, 2 mins, 3 mins, gradually increasing the time intervals. This may last for some time but at least they get some reassurance that you haven't abandoned them! Leaving a baby to cry unattended for hours is neglectful and selfish and I don't need to be on my high horse to tell you that. You are quite frankly very lucky that she didn't vomit and choke or get herself stuck under something and suffocate during that time otherwise you could have been dealing with something much worse than a crying baby. :(

candleshoe · 19/02/2011 20:42

bubbleymummy - "Leaving a baby to cry unattended for hours is neglectful and selfish and I don't need to be on my high horse to tell you that. You are quite frankly very lucky that she didn't vomit and choke or get herself stuck under something and suffocate during that time otherwise you could have been dealing with something much worse than a crying baby."

You don't know the first thing about CC so I suggest you keep your highly accusing tone to yourself! You are being unreasonable, unpleasant and supremely unkind.

bubbleymummy · 19/02/2011 20:59

Candleshoe - if you bothered to read my post you would see that I was talking about cry it out not cc. Do you know the difference?

bubbleymummy · 19/02/2011 21:06

I'll give you a hint: 'unattended' is an important word. Ie. Not checking on your screaming baby at all. That is not cc.

OliveMalay · 19/02/2011 21:14

Is it possible he's getting hungry and would settle better at night after a 10pm "dream feed"?

MoonUnitAlpha · 19/02/2011 22:03

Candleshoe - CC doesn't involve leaving a baby to cry unattended for hours. There's a big difference between that and CIO.

splashyy · 19/02/2011 22:20

Not read the whole thread, so not sure if this has been suggested. He may have silent reflux causing the crying, I would suggest seeing your GP. If he's crying there's a reason.

Hattie05 · 19/02/2011 22:36

OP - apologie to hijack this thread. This is the last time i post here.

But bubbleymummy i have to respond to your extremely hurtful, judgemental comments. I do not wish you to respond to this, but i do hope you re read your post and consider what a hurtful bitch you make yourself sound, i just hope its not a reflection of your personality and its only text talking.
You are on a high horse with this matter telling me about slings and bouncy chairs - i did not give a full history of things i'd tried, but i'm not a stupid incompetent mother.
I don't really give a shit that you are never going to understand my situation, but i do feel you have no right to judge me.
How dare you be so cruel regarding my very personal situation which i offered as support/help to OP. Until you are in a situtation like i was you wouldn't understand - you clearly havn't been there. For the record i do have 3 little angels whose needs are met by their very loving parents.

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 22:45

OK, so. Put him to bed at 6.30ish after a feed and with a dummy, still cries, calpol, still cries more milk, still cries, leave him until he goes to sleep. We did 'cc'/ 'crying it our' with DS2 at about 4 weeks, because we and he needed it. Now he sleeps and naps like a dream, and has since 4 weeks and 2 days............

Bearcrumble · 19/02/2011 22:49

I'm afraid I agree with Bubblymummy. Cry It Out is inhumane and inexcusable. You can justify it to yourself as much as you like but to leave a baby screaming for hours on their own is cruelty, pure and simple and a million miles away from Controlled Crying - which, incidentally, I did but not until DS was 9 months and still waking every hour or two throughout the night. The maximum I ever left him without checking and soothing him was 20 minutes. Just popping into their room, giving them a stroke, resting your hand on their back and speaking gently doesn't take much. I was lucky that he didn't actually cry for long but I'd never have left him for hours whatever my circumstances.

backwardpossom · 19/02/2011 22:50

4 weeks?! I'm sorry, but that makes me :(

Babies do not cry to piss you off or because they want to stop you sleeping. They cry because they need something.

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 22:54

Jesus, you need to get a grip, and really, really do not have to feel Sad for my child. Thanks all the same. Fucking PFB mothers.........

MoonUnitAlpha · 19/02/2011 22:55

4 weeks? Fucking hell, what were you thinking Shock

backwardpossom · 19/02/2011 22:57

Wow, great argument.

rolleyes

She doesn't approve so must be a PFB mother. Of course...

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 22:59

of my sanity MUA Mind you I seem to be in the minority in having a content baby who sleeps well............Do as you will, I am just sharing my experience. And my children are asleep!

MoonUnitAlpha · 19/02/2011 23:02

If I'd done that to a newborn I certainly wouldn't be boasting about it.

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 23:13

I didn't 'do' anything to a newborn, and am not boasting, just sharing my experience. For my own sanity after 2 hours of shushing and patting, there was really nothing else to be done.

So glad you are able to take the moral highground here, MUA. Must make you feel vair good about yourself. Well Done

MoonUnitAlpha · 19/02/2011 23:20

If not doing CIO on a newborn puts me on a moral highground I'm happy to be there.

Bearcrumble · 19/02/2011 23:23

Bloody hell. I've heard it all now. 4 weeks. FOUR WEEKS.

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 23:24

and do you know what makes me Sad. Its that an honest recounting of a very personal experience, which was retold in the hope that others would be helped, has been rubbished as virtually child abuse.

Bearcrumble · 19/02/2011 23:28

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