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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a friend her dc are over weight

91 replies

ThisIsMyNickname · 17/02/2011 17:11

I don't know wether to just mind my own or gently point out that her children are over weight because I really don't think she sees it. Her eldest is 11 and is in adult size 16 clothes. My friend is always moaning that's kids clothes are sized wrong, she just doesn't see that they are over weight. I am God mother to her children so we are really close and I genuinely care about her dc and their health.

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 17/02/2011 17:14

That's bigger than I was at that age. I was a size 12-14 at that age and was 5'2" aged 11. I am now extrememly overweight. and only 5'5"

How do the children seem about it?

BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 17:15

erm, i reckon she knows if they are the size you say. she probably mentions the clothes sizing thing out of embarassment.

Original poster
ThisIsMyNickname · 17/02/2011 17:16

I know the eldest one gets teased at school because I have child in the same class. Her mums nick name for get is 'fatty bum bum'

OP posts:
oldwomaninashoe · 17/02/2011 17:17

That is large!!
Are they a large family generally??

She won't thank you for telling her I'm afraid, even if it is done gently and with the best of intentions.

TimeWasting · 17/02/2011 17:20

If you spend a lot of time, can you offer to take them ice skating or swimming, even for a walk, anything active?

She should not be dieting at that age though, just eating a healthier more balance diet.
NO calorie counting or anything like it.

BlueFergie · 17/02/2011 17:20

I am not sure telling her is going to achieve anything tbh. If she is in denial about it she will probably just be annoyed with you.

Original poster
ThisIsMyNickname · 17/02/2011 17:21

Yes they are all large.

OP posts:
EleanorJosie · 17/02/2011 17:23

I think she probably knows already.

Original poster
ThisIsMyNickname · 17/02/2011 17:24

They already do some activities and they do go out on the bikes. I think it's to do with what they are eating. Friend home cooks but everything is really fatty and they have lots of puddings and cakes. They all drink loads if hot chocolate too, the youngest who is 3 has about 3 bottles of it a day Hmm

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 17/02/2011 17:25

then it's going to be very hard.

Original poster
ThisIsMyNickname · 17/02/2011 17:25

So would you not mention it then?

OP posts:
AboardtheAxiom · 17/02/2011 17:26

Of course she knows. I have neices and nephews in same situation, the only healthy child is extremely into playing football.

Do you think the children would be interested in starting a sporty hobby?

Original poster
ThisIsMyNickname · 17/02/2011 17:30

The second dc plays a sport at the weekend and is always playing out. The eldest I'm not sure about, I know she got upset when made to go swimming with school and instrongly suspect it was to do with her feeling self conscious about her body. She's at the age where they seem to start laying down more fat too.

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 17/02/2011 17:30

Buy a jar of Options hot chocolate and say that it's made a difference to you and you can hardly tell the difference?

ScarlettWalking · 17/02/2011 17:30

Good God size 16 at age 11 Shock

darleneconnor · 17/02/2011 17:30

I dont think they are necessarily aware of it. If they are all ow then it has maybe become normalised for them. I'm sure there was an article about this recently, that parents are underestimating their DC's overweightness and the health implications.

Buy her a low-fat desserts cookbook for her birthday?

Maybe focus on the Mum's diet. If she changes then the DCs will surely follow.

SecretNutellaFix · 17/02/2011 17:31

I would, but would maybe approach it from the teasing/ school angle rather than the "your kids are fat, you feed them crap"

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/02/2011 17:32

She knows.

I'd be blunt. "I love you very much and I love your kids very much but size 16 adult clothes at 11 years old is seriously overweight and you know it. If you don't act now, it is going to be so hard for her later in life."

If she stops speaking to you, there's not much you can do about it. But at least you tried. And once it's actually spoken, once you've put it out there, it's no longer the elephant in the room.

Original poster
ThisIsMyNickname · 17/02/2011 17:33

That's a good idea to concentrate on my friends diet.

OP posts:
BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 17:33

if the mum is calling her fatty bum bum then yes, i think teh mum might be aware her daughetr is overweight! Hmm

Original poster
ThisIsMyNickname · 17/02/2011 17:34

Oh god it's going to be really hard to say that. She does know how much I care about them so I guess that will help.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisIsMyNickname · 17/02/2011 17:35

Booy, it's sad isn't it. I was speechless when infirst heard her say that.

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 17/02/2011 17:36

Then let her know that your daughter is going to be in for a horrendous time going through secondary school and her self esteem is going to plunge, which will have an impact on the whole family.

Once that self esteem has been eroded, it is nigh on impossible for it to return.

BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 17:37

i think it's horrendous that her mum is teasing her about it TBH. if you say the mum is large too then it may make her feel better that her DCs are big too.

RevoltingPeasant · 17/02/2011 17:39

Hecate

Absolutely. Tell her you agonised over whether to say something and you are only doing it because you care about them, lots, and you really hope she isn't angry.

If she is, after that, then SIBU.

Also, you do owe it to those kids. My sister was big when she was that age (tho' not THAT big) and has steadily increased (now 20). She now has asthma and cannot walk up hills :(