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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to sometimes lie about doing overtime just so that I can have an hour to myself (on MN) before I go home from work

30 replies

KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 17/02/2011 16:19

I lied about doing overtime yesterday to DH, when I was too busy at my desk on MN.

I don't intend to do this often.

Most days I get home from work at 6pm, between 6pm and 9pm (dd 4month bedtime)I never get any free time - asda/dinner/dishes/bathing dd/various other...

So just to take an extra hour at the end of my working day - AIBU..??

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2011 16:20

Wow I have considered doing this (in fairness when I actally had some computer work to do rather than to MN so DH wouldn't mind anyway) but never actually done it!
Don't you just want to get home anyway?

Original poster
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 17/02/2011 16:21

oh and feel free to ask questions, I realise I may have been a little vague.

OP posts:
loveulotslikejellytots · 17/02/2011 16:21

No YANBU as long as you wouldn't mind your DH doing the same sort of thing!! Grin

HettyAmaretti · 17/02/2011 16:24

YABU. Not to take time, but to lie.

Anyway, it's going to show in your wages isn't it?

I assume your DP is working all day too? You need to arrange that you both have the opportunity to grab a bit of time for yourselves. Individually and together (if at all possible). If each taking 'overtime' occasionally is the only way, fine.

Lying is never good for a relationship.

Original poster
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 17/02/2011 16:24

jellytots - when I get home from work he clocks off you see....I do most things and he buggers off upstairs to smoke/listen to footie on radio/play guitar etc...

Sometimes I feel like I need a little extra space to myself, just to faff around on internet

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2011 16:25

big worry is if he ever find out you lied about overtime he might think up a lot less innocent explanation!

Original poster
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 17/02/2011 16:25

sorry DH gave up work to look after dd full time - I should've mentioned that.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2011 16:26

although sometimes I have an exttre long lunch when I realise I ahve been on MN longer than I planned - don't suppose it is actually any different

Original poster
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 17/02/2011 16:27

hettyamaretti - not even white lies?

OP posts:
HettyAmaretti · 17/02/2011 16:28

Right, then you (and he) are DBU.

you need to re-negotiate the evenings. Clock off at the same time, when all the housework, childcare, shopping etc. is done.

I struggle to see why you'd do food shopping when he's at home all day. Does he not drive / have the car?

ThreIsNoSpoon · 17/02/2011 16:28

YABU. What Hetty said.

1234ThumbWar · 17/02/2011 16:28

I was sympathetic until your last post. If he's a full time parent then UABU.

I clock off when DH gets home.

PonceyMcPonce · 17/02/2011 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HettyAmaretti · 17/02/2011 16:29

x posts. No. IMHO, not even white lies. Anyway, you've said you're working extra, so what's your explanation at the end of the month when there's no extra cash?

Lies breed.

HettyAmaretti · 17/02/2011 16:30

I'm a SAHP and have never clocked off once DP was home. Would have loved too but it's just not fair.

whatdoiknowanyway · 17/02/2011 16:31

I think YABU -but so were all the men who did this throughout history. Doesn't make it right though.

I remember pre kids one boss who would come in to our office at around 5pm (having ignored us all day) and waffle for ages - delaying us finishing up and going home. I was convinced he was just putting off going home for bathtime as he had 2 young kids at the time.

The same guy put his oldest son into boarding school in the UK at 7 years whilst the rest of the family went on placement to the States but that's another story...

Original poster
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 17/02/2011 16:32

I am the only driver so we agreed that I'd do the shopping. Or sometimes we get from online when it's a big shop...

1234 - why should he clock off completely and I do all the work after I've been working from 9pm -5pm Mon - Fri? (and FWIW I always get up in the night for feeds etc)

Hetty - renegotiating sounds like a very good plan, thanks. Clocking off at same time is appealing.

dd is 4 months, I'm back at work 1 month - just getting used to it all.

OP posts:
Ormirian · 17/02/2011 16:33

No! I've done it too. But to be fair DH often goes out in the evenings so once I get home I am plunged straight into the chaos that is dinner, bath, hw and bedtime for 3 DC without a great deal of input from DH.

"Where have you been?" he will say with indignation in his voice.... and I will just tell him that 'work was a bit hectic today'.

Original poster
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 17/02/2011 16:34

and like i said in OP

I don't intend to do this often.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 17/02/2011 16:36

Taking an hour to MN is not the issue.

The issue is that you work all day (as does he, doing SAHP things) but in the evenings you have to do "work" and he does not.

HettyAmaretti · 17/02/2011 16:37

Clocking off at the same time is essential, I think. You've both been working hard all day. Please don't lie and please don't be silently resentful. It's no good for anyone.

Can you afford to do all the shopping online?

Do you both get a lie in at the weekend? One on Saturday, one on Sunday?

Original poster
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 17/02/2011 16:38

yes Trillian, so AIBU to steal a wee hour every now and again?

OP posts:
PenguinArmy · 17/02/2011 16:41

I don't like the idea of DH clocking off when you get in. My DH is also a SAHD (and I was working at 4 months as well).

When we're at home work is split as evenly as possible. Evenings is 50:50, although I rest for 30 mins when I get in. I do night time feeding (which are still rather frequent) and he gets up with her at 5.

Original poster
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 17/02/2011 16:41

Yes hetty - we both get a lie in each on a weekend.

I don't resent DH at all, he's doing a marvellous job and I enjoy what I do when I get home.

I just stayed at work a little longer yesterday, and told him I had to finish something.

I don't get paid OT so he's not looking for extra cash on payday

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 17/02/2011 16:41

I have noticed a trend on here lately.

SAHM = Looking after the kids, doing the majority of the housework, cooking the meals, doing laundry, doing shopping, running around like a whippet with its arse on fire..etc

WOHM = Work full or part time, commuting home then Looking after the kids, doing the majority of the housework, cooking the meals, doing laundry, doing shopping, running around like a whippet with its arse on fire..etc

WAHM = Working whilst Looking after the kids, doing the majority of the housework, cooking the meals, doing laundry, doing shopping, running around like a whippet with its arse on fire..etc

WOHD = Working. Getting home, maybe doing bath and bedtime if she has nagged enough

SAHD = Looking after kids until she gets home.