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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to interact socially with a racist?

98 replies

MitchiestInge · 17/02/2011 11:49

Would you be friends with someone who was once a member of the national front?

OP posts:
ninedragons · 17/02/2011 11:51

Unless it was because of a brain tumour or something that had radically changed his/her character and had since been cured, no.

scurryfunge · 17/02/2011 11:51

No

kittya · 17/02/2011 11:51

NO

stillfrazzled · 17/02/2011 11:52

No.

Why?

fedupofnamechanging · 17/02/2011 11:52

Depends. People at 20 are often not the same people they are at 40. Sometimes kids fall in with a crowd and end up doing things they wouldn't do as they grow up and mature and learn better behaviour.

LucretiaInShadows · 17/02/2011 11:53

If he'd changed his mind, yes.

If not, no.

If he was the partner of a friend, I'd be polite if I had to see him/her, but try to see friend without him/her.

Chil1234 · 17/02/2011 11:54

Depends how long ago it was and whether their views had changed or not. Many people do stupid things & follow idiot causes in their early days that they subsequently regret. Judge people by their words and actions, not by their past mistakes.

Sarsaparilllla · 17/02/2011 11:54

Just what I was thinking karma, if someone when they were young, naive and easily influenced joined when they were 20 ish, realised the error of their ways and is very embarrassed about the whole thing then yes

There was a documentary a little while ago I watched about a politician who joined when he was younger, I can't remeber who it was about??

wannaBe · 17/02/2011 11:55

depends. People change and their attitudes change.

I grew up in South Africa where the reality is that most white people held some racist views at that time.

I look back now and am horrified at some of the views held by some of my friends.

But times have changed and most have changed with the times.

QuincyMincemeat · 17/02/2011 11:55

worked with a BNP member(i'm a nurse ffs)
nice bloke, loathesome politics, didn't/wouldn't socialise with him though.

scurryfunge · 17/02/2011 11:55

I read it as someone who is a racist and also used to be a member of the National Front.

sue52 · 17/02/2011 11:55

It depends. If he has had a total 100% change of mind and now deplores and is ashamed of his BNP past then maybe.

auntyfash · 17/02/2011 11:58

Yes, I would and I do. Unfortunately if I didn't then I don't think I would have many people left to socialise with as where I live so many people I know are pretty racist.

It makes for some very "interesting" nights out, seeing as I'm a reasonably high profile anti-fascist activist in this town!

MungBeans · 17/02/2011 11:58

Possibly.
If they were still racist, no.

Maryz · 17/02/2011 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzLiteBeer · 17/02/2011 12:00

Not in a million years, since I spent my youth in Socialist Worker and the Anti-Nazi League, and still have a scar from it.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 17/02/2011 12:01

it would depend on what their beliefs were now. And if I knew they had been a member of the NF I wouldn't be shy about grilling them about their stance now, before I could interact with them.

scurryfunge · 17/02/2011 12:02

What's the story then Mitchie?

reluctanthomosapien · 17/02/2011 12:11

I'm British of Indian parentage, just for the record before I go on.

During my 20s, became great friends with a guy who lived on my street when I bought my first flat in the East End of London. He'd lived in his house most of his adult life and was in his late 50s. The street had completely changed in his time there, had gone from being very poor/working class/rented to being filled with middle class professionals (doctors, lawyers, teachers, even a reasonably famous actor and chef). And we interlopers came in all shapes, sizes and colours. This chap loved the street, knew everyone living there and the ins and outs of their lives, was truly proud of everyone's achievements and sympathetic and helpful if you ever needed help.

He was also a former National Front member. As a poor, white, working class young man, this was a decision he had made as he saw his childhood "manor" change with the influx of immigrants in the 60s. His initial reaction to this change had been to fight against it, and join an organisation that seemed to reflect/embrace his feelings.

As he put it, he grew up. He worked with and lived next to people from a different race/culture and found no threat there. He relinquished his NF membership and moved on.

When he told me that, I could have cut him off for his former beliefs, but I think that would have been wrong and I'd have missed out on knowing a lovely man. So, in answer to your question, if that person had truly changed, yes, I'd be friends with them. I learned a lot from my friend.

RamblingRosa · 17/02/2011 12:14

Nope. Would you OP?

NoSuchThingAsSociety · 17/02/2011 12:14

I would and do - my Father expresses views that most (including myself) would consider to be racist but he's my father and that's that.

I will keep a close eye on what he says to our little girl as and when she is old enough to be influenced by him but otherwise, biting one's tongue now and then is required.

Having said all that, I do think there are worse things in the world than being a racist. I would have a very hard time socialising with someone convicted of rape or murder, for example.

Jaquelinehyde · 17/02/2011 12:16

I wouldn't be a friend of a racist regardless of whether they used to be in the BNP or not.

Their attitude is the issue not the party they have joined.

FluffyMuff · 17/02/2011 12:24

There are a lot of racist-thinking-idiots in my family, a couple are card-carrying members of the BNP. I therefore have to socialise, on occasion with them. I tend to not 'go there' and discuss politics with them. They were told early on that in no way are they allowed to use any racist language in front of DD - I always objected when they did it in front of me.

They are ignorant and have no idea of the BNP's values that lie underneath the shouty racist 'get them out of our country' facade. I have tried to draw their attention to the BNP's stance on women's rights (or lack of), rape and their policies surrounding disabled people and unmarried parents (of which my family members would fall foul of the lovely Nick Griffin's cronies) They seem to go deaf whenever I have mentioned this though Hmm

In answer to the OP (sorry, carried away with a rant!) I would socialise with them, however I would not stand for any of their crap and would be ready to counter any vileness they spout. Actually, I probably wouldn't choose to socialise with them, but sometimes you have no choice (ie family members or friends partner's)

StuffingGoldBrass · 17/02/2011 12:33

It would depend a lot on the person and the sort of social interaction required. Some people do join the likes of the BNP when young and stupid, and subsequently grow out of it. (I am thinking of teenage boys who like having an excuse for a scrap and whether they end up with the fascists or the anti-fascists often depends on who gets to them first). Some people are both thick and poorly informed along with being frightened and angry about their own problems (the sort who once got mugged, or know someone who got mugged or robbed, by a person from a different ethnic group, or who lives in a deprived area and has basically swallowed propaganda about it being All THat Lot's Fault) - they can sometimes have sense talked into them, but you won;t succeed in doing so if you treat them as pariahs.
My friend's DP is a provincial fuckwit with non-PC views and I usually call him on it when he says anything particuarly crass (though he is a dick in quite a few ways) - you can;t force someone to change their opinions, you can only ask them not to air horrible opinions in your company.

kittya · 17/02/2011 12:33

I know what you mean about family members Sad. Its a real difficult one. I cant just about manage it until the booze starts to flow then, I have to leave. When its your own brother I dont know what the answer is. At least I only see him once or twice a year. I barely know my nephew because of it.

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