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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to interact socially with a racist?

98 replies

MitchiestInge · 17/02/2011 11:49

Would you be friends with someone who was once a member of the national front?

OP posts:
IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 17/02/2011 12:37

nosuchthingassociety

Where will I start? Yes, of course you love your father but why not challenge him if you disagree? If nobody challenged, nothing would change.

There are some things up there on a par with racism, I'm not going to give it, say 7 points and a rape a 10 and murder - depending on circumstances a 6 to 10 rating.

You tell my son that "there are worse things in the world than being a racist" when he has had his education constantly disrupted by little shits calling him names, treating him differently, occasionally beating him up all because they ARE RACISTS. You tell him it could be worse when he feels more and more crushed each time and his sense of fairness and justice is slowly taken away from him with every little racist jibe and antagonistic comment.His sense of self is severely damaged because of other peoples racist views. If this is not put right, it will cause him life long damage if it hasn't already so I would say for him, there isn't anything wose in the world right now than being a racist. You evidently have no idea what you are talking about or the effect it has on people.

Now before anybody flames me, I actually couldn't care less because after the week I have had involving the Police, the County Council and Ofsted after hauling them all in to deal with the failings of my childs school, nothing you could say would make me feel I've said anything out of order here.

AbsDuCroissant · 17/02/2011 12:41

I don't know if they would be friends with me (Jewish and Immigrant)

NoSuchThingAsSociety · 17/02/2011 12:44

IDontThinkSDoYou - rest assured, whenever my Father enters into discussion where race etc are subject, I let him know my views and point out the (frequent!) inconsistencies and hypocrisy that he exhibits when he lets forth.

I'm sorry to read of the harrassment your son has received - it sounds horrible. Nothing you have said is out of order at all, in my view.

I completely accept that other people's experiences shape their views on this subject but merely suggest that, for me, whilst I'd rather have nowt to do with any of them...the child rapist and the psychopathic murderer sit lower down my list of 'people I'd have a cup of tea with' than the ignorant dumbass that thinks all darkies are responsible for his plight.

But, as I say, each to their own.

LessNarkyPuffin · 17/02/2011 13:24

If they'd totally renounced that and changed their beliefs.

RamblingRosa · 17/02/2011 13:47

Where's the OP gone?

Bluemoonrising · 17/02/2011 13:52

I would certainly interact with a racist.

IMO, racism is based on ignorance, and how do we expect that to change if we don't challenge their beliefs and offer a different viewpoint and an alternative way to behave?

Does the saying 'if you're not part of the solution, you are part of the problem' apply here?

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 17/02/2011 13:57

I wish there was a like button Bluemoonrising

Bluemoonrising · 17/02/2011 13:59

Aww thanks Blush

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/02/2011 14:00

Yes.

If they had totally changed their mind, understood their previous ignorance and bigotry and their beliefs had changed and they showed that in every way.

And they were ashamed of their previous attitude (I personally would have to see some understanding of the damage that their previously held views can do to people)

Otherwise, no. I could not. I would have such contact as I was unable to avoid and I would be civil. Unless they spouted offensive views, in which case I would be decidedly uncivil Grin

MarniesMummy · 17/02/2011 14:05

I think that racism is borne of ignorance and though I am not a teacher (so that's a no then) I am open to the idea that people can gain knowledge and chnge their ways (so that's a yes).

I would far rather know that someone was a racist and be in a social situation with them than think they were not racist when they actully are.

Please tell us why OP.
Or is this some sort of response to the 'would you let your child marry outside their race' thread?

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 17/02/2011 14:26

Hello, sorry, forgot had started thread and then had to go for lunch then was late for something blah blah. I don't know how you know how racist a person has to be to be Racist - I thought at worst he might vote UKIP but he admitted being a former member of the NF which I thought was brave thing to admit until someone suggested he might not have any shame!

Won't be back properly until tonight so will read then, thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
MitchiestInge · 19/02/2011 14:15

How would you go about chipping away at those views, if you had decided to, is there a racism rehabilitation manual I can refer to?

OP posts:
maddy68 · 19/02/2011 16:18

yes! My friend is terribly racist and we couldn't be more opposite politically however, she is the kindest, loveliest person and we just agree to differ

StarlightPrincess · 19/02/2011 16:22

Do you consider UKIP racist, MitchiestInge?

I couldn't interact socially with a racist due to the fact that they would probably hate me! But if they were a reformed racist, I definitely would because I believe people can change.

rightpissedoff · 19/02/2011 16:23

I probably would. I socialise with a lot of people I don't agree with. You either avoid the subject or you make your own views known and challenge. Life would be a bit narrow if I only talked to people who are the same as me.

rightpissedoff · 19/02/2011 16:24

I wouldn't see it as my job to change them either or rehabilitate them. I mean, challenge them sure but if you feel the need to rehabilitate just don't see them.

giveitago · 19/02/2011 17:59

A former bnp member - has this friend changed their outlook then?

I personally don't care what people think but I don't particularly want to hear it and certainly don't want them to act on it.

I'm with the poster that said people can change.

If OP gets on with this person and they don't stick their views down other people's throats or put the OP in a difficult position then it's really her call.

People with racist views can change.

Nancy66 · 19/02/2011 18:06

Yes

Politics leanings alone would never be reason for me not to have a friendship with someone.

If he'd ever been violent or abusive that's different - if it's just a question of how they vote then, why not? As long as they don't try and convert you

Galdem · 19/02/2011 18:12

Never.

I can accept differences of political opinion, of course. That is part of being a mature, sane adult. I vote Labour, you vote Tory, we can still be friends etc.

However, the (now defunct) NF and the BNP are fascists. I don't keep fascist friends. For me, that is one step to far.

Nancy66, are you for real?! 'If he'd been violent or abusive'. Do you know anything about the NF? Shock. It's like saying: 'I wouldn't mind being friends with a Nazi, as long as he'd never personally gassed a Jew'.

Nancy66 · 19/02/2011 18:15

I know plenty about the NF - being a member doesn't mean you actively participate.

Galdem · 19/02/2011 18:18

That is ridiculois@Nancy66.

What is the pot of being memeber of a party if you don't support their policies. I remmeber the NF in the 1980s. i think tjeir olicies basically amounted to 'paki'-bashing, spitting at 'niggers' in the street and accusing all Irish people of being IRA scum.

Nice people. I'd have them 'round for tea any day Hmm

But of course, it's fine to stand by and support that, as long as you are not the one actually bashing 'pakis' etc.

Galdem · 19/02/2011 18:18

...and then they came for the Communists etc etc

Nancy66 · 19/02/2011 18:24

Yawn...how many times does that quote get trotted out here.

Galdem · 19/02/2011 18:25

Maybe because it's true, nancy66. Wild guess?

Oh, and if you're tired - go to bed.

Galdem · 19/02/2011 18:27

I remember you, now. Don't you think the EDL are misunderstood geniuses, or something?