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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit shocked by the attitude regarding menfolk

137 replies

Gemsy83 · 17/02/2011 09:28

I.e on so many threads 'they've been at work- they should have a hot meal waiting for them'
Why does being at work all day seem to negate the need to ever cook a meal for oneself/family?

OP posts:
Merrylegs · 17/02/2011 11:06

'menfolk'

Grin
bronze · 17/02/2011 11:07

Yup that's me too sour and slothful. Never mind that I'm the one up in the night my day starts before his and it also tends to finish after.

Someone once said on here it's how much free time you have. Well I have less, yet I am slothful?

Surely it's about what suits each couple in their situation.

samay · 17/02/2011 11:08

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megapixels · 17/02/2011 11:08

I am with Maryz on the food thing. Who on earth can be bothered to cook twice at mealtimes anyway? Confused I get the impression that this means that there is some food thrown together, maybe some rubbish out of tins and packets, and not a proper meal or no one would want to cook twice.

BitOfFun · 17/02/2011 11:09

I know you like to be blunt and controversial, moondog, but is it really past the limits of your imagination to think that some parents at home have been busy with other stuff too? I'm sure if you tried you could think of some circumstances which didn't mean they were either sour or slothful.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 17/02/2011 11:10

I home ed my 2 dcs as well, Samay. I make double dinner and freeze half on days when we're in, or I have something phenomenally quick planned for the evening meal.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 17/02/2011 11:10

forgot to add 'for the days we're out' to the end of that.

JaneS · 17/02/2011 11:11

moondog, that was a spectacularly rude and ignorant comment.

My DH is 'out at work all day'. Poor him. A whole 9-5 job. I'm home all day, working on my PhD. I don't get days off; I was working through Christmas this year and last because I actually need to get things done and no-one else will do them for me. I think the least DH could do is to cook a meal when he gets in!

We're not talking about some mythic woman who spends all day at home buffing her nails and spending her husband's money while an army of staff look after the house and the kids, are we?

moondog · 17/02/2011 11:11

What makjes your life so action packed Bronze?
Do you have octuplets?
A demanding job?
A 12 acre garde to attend to?

Making a meal takes about 30 minutes. I wonder who hasn't the time to do that?

samay · 17/02/2011 11:12

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Message withdrawn

UnquietDad · 17/02/2011 11:13

bronze: I see no contradiction. I can't see that this is a difficult problem.

lockets · 17/02/2011 11:16

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 17/02/2011 11:17

I think that if you have a way of doing things which everybody at home is perfectly happy with, then you don't really need the approval or prescribed methods of a bunch of different people off the internet who aren't actually living your life. Meh.

bronze · 17/02/2011 11:17

Moondog- obviously not a wohm parent.

Anyway am off now. too wobbly to stay online and need my

Nagoo · 17/02/2011 11:17

I SAHM on maternity leave.

My DH wakes at 0630 and is home at 1830. I cook for him (us) in that I will put a dinner in the oven for him that me and DS have had at 1730.

Why would I not do this? It is no more work than cooking just for me and DS. It would seem spiteful not to make his meal too.

similarly I wouldn't fish my clothes out of the laundry to put them in while leaving his. (ironing is a different thing...)

bronze · 17/02/2011 11:18

energy to cook dh a meal later

JaneS · 17/02/2011 11:18

Making a crappy meal might take 30 minutes! How can anything except a microwave meal take 30 minutes if you factor in the time it takes shopping for ingredients?

I'm not making this point for the sake of it: I think it's real problem that people belittle lots of aspects of looking after a house and making meals - forgetting to include the time it takes shopping for food is a pretty obvious one. It's not difficult or intellectually taxing, but it does take time!

Maryz · 17/02/2011 11:19

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halfcaff · 17/02/2011 11:19

In our house the problem is dh doesn't like the food we eat! If I am making something I know he likes, I'll make enough for him to have when he gets in. If we are having something simple, or I am having something veggie and the dc have eaten at after-school club, he either knocks himself up an omelette/chop/sausage from the freezer, or just has cheese and biscuits. I am sure he would love to have a meaty meal specially cooked for him every evening, but it ain't gonna happen!

moondog · 17/02/2011 11:22

Come on! You do yourself a massive disservice by maintaining that simple domestic tasks are taxing or time consuming. It's a simple matter of getting organised. I work f/t, look after kids, run my home, volunteer, have hobbies and have studied for an MSc. My dh is away abroad most of the time.

I can get all the above done and make dinner every night, no problem.

Ephiny · 17/02/2011 11:24

"similarly I wouldn't fish my clothes out of the laundry to put them in while leaving his."

Well, I do! Blush. Actually if I have space left over in the machine I'll ask DP if he's got anything of the appropriate colour/fabric that he wants to throw in, because it would be inefficient to put it on half-empty. But wouldn't leave out any of my stuff that I need clean just so I can do his for him.

GeekCool · 17/02/2011 11:27

LittleRedDraggon, I don't understand why every meal requires a trip out shopping?

TigerFeet · 17/02/2011 11:28

DH works five long days a week. I work three shorter ones. On the days I'm home with dd2 I cook, usually something that the dc's can eat at a reasonable hour then dh and I can heat up later once they're in bed. I am no 50'd wifey, dh does his share, it just makes sense for me to cook when I am at home. If I didn't we wouldn't eat until 10pm. Madness.

I understand what the OP is tryign to say in a broader sence but inferring that having a meal ready for someone (male or female) when they get in from a long day is a BAD thing is clearly bonkers.

DH washes up, hoovers round &tc &tc while dinner is heating up. He is not sat on his arse whilst I scrub children and warm his slippers. It just means that a time consuming job is not being undertaken at dc's bedtime. I'd call that good time management myself.

samay · 17/02/2011 11:28

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OneMoreChap · 17/02/2011 11:30

LittleRedDragon
Making a crappy meal might take 30 minutes! How can anything except a microwave meal take 30 minutes if you factor in the time it takes shopping for ingredients?

We buy bulk quantities of rice/pasta/flour/onions/potatoes/tomatoes/garlic/ginger/olives/capers/anchovies/chorizo/dried sausage/tuna/frozen chicken/mince/frozen veg.

That lot would make scores of meals; sufficient so that the shopping time is negligible in consideration.

The majority of our meals take no more than 30 minutes to prepare & cook. lots of past/rice/noodles dishes.

Oh, and for the avoidance of doubt; I cook; I've always cooked.

The phrase "who's nearest the kitchen at mealtime" sounds about right,

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