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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

now seriously, I want you to consider....

107 replies

justanotherbloke · 16/02/2011 14:34

this question....

as a woman, what is it that makes you think that you are by right a better parent than a man?

OP posts:
Original poster
justanotherbloke · 16/02/2011 15:10

shirleyknot, that is my experience. truly, i only know 7 good mothers. and my ex partner is not one of them. nor is the mother that deliberately and maliciously accused her ex of rape to stop him seeing his little girl, or the mother who goes into court and deliberately denies paternity to prevent the dad from seeing his twins or the mother that drinks and smokes crack in front of her kids with her new boyfriend and refuses contact because she knows fine well that the kids will want to be with dad...

this is my world. i have all kinds of absolutely shocking, horrific facts and information from the law society regarding this very subject and i just wanted to get the skinny from some seemingly well balanced mature mothers ( and fathers). oh and of course, shirleyknot

OP posts:
cory · 16/02/2011 15:11

the only thing that did at one time make me a more efficient parent is that dh is more physically timid than I am, so at
the a time when dd was having violent tantrums I was better at dealing with them- I didn't really care if I got hurt and she sensed that; but I wouldn't say that is about men, just about one man

otoh some behaviour is learnt: I used to be much better at dh at dealing with hostile authorities, but he has caught up and is really quite impressive now

Memoo · 16/02/2011 15:15

My DH is definitely a better parent than me!

Serendippy · 16/02/2011 15:17

OP, seems to me you run with the wrong crowd. Most of us know a lot of normal, well adjusted people who are decent parents, male or female.

mamadiva · 16/02/2011 15:20

I take it you're having a rough time in real life OP?

Please don't let a few women cloud your judgement, that is exactly why a lot of society started believing that women = good parent and man = bad in the first place.

The way I see it, for every truly bad parent there are a dozen good ones. Some men and some women!

Not in anyway statistical just my own little ladida way of thinking :o

SarahStrattonHasNiceFuckers · 16/02/2011 15:20

My XH is a manipulative emotionally abusive arse. Which gives me an excellent head start in the parenting stakes. Plus he is not particularly interested in them.

He's not the norm though, I see loads of fantastic dads out there and can think of a few that outwardly seem much better parents than their DW.

What actually goes on behind closed doors is another matter though.

MarioandLuigi · 16/02/2011 15:21

I dont think I am a better parent than my DH, however because of the circumstances of our family, I spend more time with the DC's than DH does, meaning that I understand them better (I think :))

victoriascrumptious · 16/02/2011 15:21

"firstly, i have an IQ of 145"

snigger
snigger

BlingLoving · 16/02/2011 15:22

Okay, I hate to say this because I agree with all these posters that I am not naturally a better parent (or rather, I will not naturally be a better parent than DH in a few months) however, OP has a point. There are an astonishing number of women who do think that they are just instinctively better parents and know better. And I have seen threads on here in the past where women have made comments to that affect over and over again.

Eg in the thread a few weeks about about David Furnish and Elton John and the surrogate, there were a LOT of women claiming their concern was simply because a mother is essential and no father could ever replace that etc etc etc as she would instinctively love that child better blah blah blah.

I have also had women on here tell me that I shouldn't let DH be a SAHD because then if we divorce he might get custody and I might have to pay maintenance. So clearly there are lots of people on this site, never mind in the real world, who truly believe that children should almost always stay with their mother.

MarioandLuigi · 16/02/2011 15:23

Fucking hell - do you live on the Jeremy Kyle show? I suggest you get better friends!

ShirleyKnot · 16/02/2011 15:24

Are you a runner on the Jeremy Kyle show? because you really are hanging around with some odd people. I find that strange for someone with such a high IQ.

redrollers · 16/02/2011 15:30

Men are perfectly capable of being as good a parent as the mother. In a perfect world, mother and father would complement each other.
However, in the real world, it doesn't work that way.
Most mothers spend more time with the baby from the get-go. So it just stands to reason, that the more time they spend together, the more they will learn what they want, what they need, what they like.
and they become the main carer.

When it becomes an issue of separation/divorce, who should get custody, I think both mothers and fathers can be as bad as each other. And otoh, many fathers will deserve more access and not get it, and vice versa of course

MarioandLuigi · 16/02/2011 15:36

Great minds Shirley :o

MarioandLuigi · 16/02/2011 15:37

The IQ of 145 but ends every sentence with lol - okay then

OP - are you Peter Andre?

cornslik · 16/02/2011 15:41

IQ of 145? Where did you find that out then - not an online test was it....?

CPtart · 16/02/2011 16:26

Both are equally important, although judging by the number of men who walk away/ignore/deny their children....many do not appear to think so (conveniently)...

sweeping statement I know!!!!!!!!!

TrillianAstra · 16/02/2011 16:27

YABU because you have failed to ask an 'am I being unreasonable?' question

fuzzywuzzy · 16/02/2011 16:29

Not just any man, but ex, because well, I care and I'm around, and I do not have the propensity he does to lose my temper frequently and violently on my teeny defenceless children......

manicbmc · 16/02/2011 16:30

My ex husband was a shit parent and only did parent related things when it suited him (very bloody rarely). That's not to say I'm the world's best mam but I try.

I know some blokes (like my brothers) who would be brilliant parents. I also know some women that are utterly crap at it.

PeterAndreForPM · 16/02/2011 16:59

OP, you know you said that you have an IQ of 145, yeah ?

Do you also out-earn everyone on this thread, put-together ?

Ormirian · 16/02/2011 17:00

As a woman, I don't think that. Why did you think I did?

LessNarkyPuffin · 16/02/2011 17:08

Wow. I can't believe that there is anyone who only knows 7 good mothers.

giyadas · 16/02/2011 17:14

I suspect he holds mums to a different standard to dads. He seems to be very hostile to women in general.
Btw OP, women make better parents because they aren't imbued with a huge sense of entitlement and have been raised to think of others first. Wink

twolittlemonkeys · 16/02/2011 17:15

I don't. DH would be a far better SAH parent than I am, he has way more patience, particularly with DS1 who makes me want to tear my hair out. Sadly I don't have his earning potential otherwise we might consider a swap. Despite DS1 being a daddy's boy, he still turns to me when he hurts himself. I think on the whole we compliment each other. I am better at cooking though at the moment can't think of anything else I'm better at. Sad I tend to be quite hard on myself though.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 16/02/2011 17:29

Been thinking about this.

Hand on heart, if those of you (mums) who are currently in a relationship with the father of your children split with him - who would you say the children should live with?

I bet most of you will say with you. The mum. Because you're mum.

Now, I'm clearly very stupid to point this out, because I'm about to get my arse handed to me, but could it not be argued that that proves that women, generally, see themselves as Number One parent? The default setting, as t'were? And that could be interpreted by people such as the OP as being women saying they are the better parent?

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