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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I a money grabber?

86 replies

shimmerysilverglitter · 15/02/2011 20:39

Ex will not sign divorce papers unless I agree never to request a greater amount of child support no matter what he may earn in the future. He has a good job with good bonuses. He says he will increase in line with inflation but never in line with higher salaries he may earn. I am a money grabber apparently as I won't agree to this, apparently I did not assist him in his career path (only provided 24 hour child care for the past 8 years, he never did a stroke!). He says the kids will just have to manage but will have a good life when with him.

So am I?

OP posts:

macdoodle · 15/02/2011 20:41

hahahaha!!!
You do know he doesnt actually need to sign the papers if you file for unreasonable behaviour!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/02/2011 20:41

no way. don't agree to that. he is trying to screw his children ffs!

the kids will just have to manage?

what a bastard.

SmethwickBelle · 15/02/2011 20:42

He's the money grabber by the sound of it and happy for the children to have a diminshed standard of living "having to manage" when with you but having a "good life" with him. That sounds pretty divisive.

kitbit · 15/02/2011 20:43

Get a good lawyer. Anyway how can he enforce it? Tell him you will do your best but if you have to go to the CSA you'll have no control over their decision and it'll be a much bigger number than anything you'd otherwise be happy to agree on.
What a dickhead.

faverolles · 15/02/2011 20:43

So he doesn't want his children to benefit if he earns more?
You don't come across as money grabbing, but he appears to be tight fisted and not caring about his child/ren.

curlymama · 15/02/2011 20:44

What does your solicitor say about that.

And what kitbit said.

whysolate · 15/02/2011 20:46

He sounds like an idiot.

Why would he do that when the money is for his children!?!

ongakgak · 15/02/2011 20:48

OMG, the kids will have a nice time when they are with him, and what see them the rest of the time just getting by?

I can see it now, you drop them off for contact, he whips them out of their H&M and pops them into to their Dior/YSL/Chanel, hands them a diamond encrusted cup and pours alcohol free champers in it, and waves you off. Lovely.

I am sure your kids will only grow up to resent the "high life" he only extends to them every other weekend.

Twat.

Original poster

shimmerysilverglitter · 15/02/2011 20:49

Haven't had a chance to speak to solicitor will call her tomorrow and get this! he will not be wasting HIS money on a solicitor, he wants me to tell MINE to draw up the agreement for ME to sign! he says I am a greedy money grabbing bitch who deserves nothing from him and will have to get off my arse and get a job. Btw I am full time carer for one, possibly two SN children.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 15/02/2011 20:52

No, he's a cunt.

Don't do or sign jack shit till you see a solicitor and use whatever money you can get your hands on to pay her.

And yeah, he doesn't need to sign shit so don't let him threaten you with that, either.

Prick.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 15/02/2011 20:52

he doesn't need to sign the divorce petition .

Are you referring to the divorce petition or have you gone past that stage and are now thrashing out a financial agreement?

ongakgak · 15/02/2011 20:53

do you get carers allowance? my SIL has 2 statemented SEN boys and gets a carers allowance which is about £1000 a month!

He sounds VILE.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 15/02/2011 20:55

lol you sound like your in exactly the same position as me shimmery PM me if you wanna talk a bit more.

Mine won't spend money on a solicitor either, it's his loss though. He keeps writing to mine which just makes me giggle because he can't seem to grasp the fact that my solicitor works for em,me,funnily enough.

Original poster

shimmerysilverglitter · 15/02/2011 20:59

He is refusing to sign anything to do with divorce, he has just received petition, until I sign this agreement, he can fuck right off. Do get CA yes. Get legal aid too, thankfully.

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 15/02/2011 21:01

i take it you're divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour? if so, how did he take it when he received the petition.

Mine is taking ages to come, i'm living on a knife edge.

But back to you - of course you're not a money grabber, you'll get CA, other benefits and 25% of his salary too, whether he likes it or not.

maighdlin · 15/02/2011 21:05

You have legal aid, bring it to court.

He is being a bastard. If i were you i would rake him through the courts and show the bastard that he has responsibility that he has to live up to, he cannot do as he pleases. Selfish bastard.

maighdlin · 15/02/2011 21:06

Oh and don't forget ancillary relief as well as child support, that will really piss him off.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 15/02/2011 21:07

what is this ancillary relief of which you speak?

Original poster

shimmerysilverglitter · 15/02/2011 21:07

To be honest I think this why he is being such a twat, he thought I would eventually "come to my senses" so I think actually receiving the petition was a bit of a shock for him. When he said it to me I said " well your kids are going to think a lot of that when they older" and he said "they won't mind they will have seen what you are really like then" .

OP posts:

SueWhite · 15/02/2011 21:11

Cheeky little shit!

Don't worry about it, you're entitled to a proportion of his earnings.

lalalonglegs · 15/02/2011 21:19

I don't think you are a money grabber but, based on what you have told us here, I think you should become one quick . It's a fairly desperate attempt to control you - report it to your solicitor.

LadyLapsang · 15/02/2011 21:20

If you've been a SAHM, have you claimed maintenance for you - at least while you retrain for a new career / update your skills - I think that's what's meant by ancillary relief, but you should discuss with your lawyer.

Honeybee79 · 15/02/2011 21:22

Bastard. Don't agree to it. No decent lawyer will advise you to either.

How can he have that attitude to his own children?!

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 15/02/2011 21:42

Are you divorcing my ex??
He has said things like that in the past and every time he acts like a twat he tries to punish me for it by threatening the maintenance, he also thought at one point he could buy the kids off when they were with him yeah ok he never buys them anything more than a comic, never contributes any extra to anything ever even when they are there.

Don't agree to anything you know you are in the right here YA sooooo NBU.

Original poster

shimmerysilverglitter · 15/02/2011 21:54

He has told me also that he will leave his job if I try to "get my hands on" his bonuses. The funny thing is I was not interested in any of that. I was more than happy to recieve fair child support for the dc without even considering his bonuses (call me a fool!) was also happy with a private arrangment too. He is such a twat that he doesn't even realise what a can of worms he will open up by going down this road.

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