Am I a money grabber?

[shimmerysilverglitter]

Ex will not sign divorce papers unless I agree never to request a greater amount of child support no matter what he may earn in the future. He has a good job with good bonuses. He says he will increase in line with inflation but never in line with higher salaries he may earn. I am a money grabber apparently as I won't agree to this, apparently I did not assist him in his career path (only provided 24 hour child care for the past 8 years, he never did a stroke!). He says the kids will just have to manage but will have a good life when with him.

So am I?

I think you need to think about what he should be paying for, not how much, Xenia suggests further up.

Yes he has a responsibility to his children, but realistically if his salary increases by a significant amount, you then remarry and get a job once they are teens he is effectively 'keeping you' which I don't think is especially fair.

I wonder why people post to longish threads like this without reading what the OP has actually said on previous pages. She has explained clearly why she is a SAHM and cannot go back to work easily - she has a child with SN! As a parent with an SN young adult son, going to work is not that simple - in our case my DH stays at home even now our son is 21. He still needs parental guidance at that age and cannot manage without it.

You have my every sympathy, OP - not just with your ex, but also with some of these rather cruel posts on here!

I read the thread, I saw that the OP's child (at least one) has special needs. The point is that the couple have now split and OP has asked about payment of child support. At some point, the children will cease to be children and that support won't apply. I'm assuming that OP either is in receipt, or at least entitled to be receiving other benefits due to a child with special needs. I don't personally have any experience of that so can't give any advice on that.

I think every woman should have some kind of backstop, some kind of 'Plan B' in place to protect her should a relationship fail, be it savings, work possibilities or some other contingency. Nobody sets out for that to happen but it seems to happen very, very often.

I would strongly advise the OP to find out how her ex feels about supporting his SN child if the prognosis is that long term care is needed. That's very different to normal child support. A solicitor is going to be very happy to clock up the bills, they have a vested interest to do that. I'm assuming that OP's ex isn't going to cut off his children and is still going to have an input to their lives so he and OP need to try to at least have a discussion about the long term care of their SN child and I don't see that this can be achieved if the OP is focusing on child support issues which are already covered.

If you think that's cruel, TotallyUtterlyDesperate, then I can't help that. This is a genuine response to what I read from the OP and the subsequent responses from other posters. Advice to 'take him to the cleaners' is completely out of order and will not achieve anything good, I feel.

Its hard to tell if OP is being a moneygrabber without knowing the child support her XH is paying now. (given that he has a good job with bonusses, then its probably a lot)

People need to get their 'half of everything' at the divorce. Its a clean break, both emotionally and financially. Child support shouldnt be used to leverage a better lifestyle on the back of the success of an ex years later.

This is the main unfairness in the current system.

Inflation linked payments sound more than reasonable TBH, assuming they are already quite generous (which I imagine they are or OP would have mentioned it).

OP go with the answers at the beginning here. Seems like we may have had some kind of invasion?

Personally I believe that men and women have a duty to support their offspring and it's as simple as that.

I mean, "I would strongly advise the OP to find out how her ex feels about supporting his SN child if the prognosis is that long term care is needed. " And if his answer is that he doesn't feel like doing it thanks? What then. He has a duty to support his children, even if that support may go on for a long long time.

This thread is several months old so I'm sure the OP has managed to sort things out by now.

Is the offer fair? If the offer is fair and not a pisstake why not take it?

It's not about how much he earns but whether or not the offer he has made is a fair one.

"As far as "making sacrifices" to be a SAHM, what did you plan to do once the children were old enough to not need a SAHM?"

well considering the children are still needing a full time SAHM, that's a void point at this time!.

"If you want money, get off your arse and GET A JOB. End of story. Your ex has responsibility to support his children, but not you."

It isn't as easy as this, yes he has to support his children, so I am assuming he is going to support his children in time, drs appointments, schools, food shopping, bathing, everything else that the PARENTS are supposed to do, not just the non wage earner???? or sole care giver, , who can work due to THEIR children's needs!!!

But of course he cant be doing that, as it means he wont be getting his bonuses!! that's he so desperately trying to keep hold off

cant

It would be a good idea in these situations if the exDH could take the children 2.5 days in the week (alternate between 2 and 3 days) to enable the exDW to work, as people seem to want her do do.

Alternatively the exDH needs to pay an appropriate proportion of the childcare costs to enable her to work.

Those suggestions never seem to come up though do they? It's always the case that the woman needs to work and care for the children all off her own bat, with the exDH contributing a spot of pin money for a new pair of pants every so often.

Yes I see it's an old thread but just at some of these responses.

This of course being the reason that the best way to get into poverty is to be a single parent, the majority of whom are women.

We are shit in this country at getting men to support their own offspring, not really surprising when you see some of the responses on this thread.