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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give DH's dinner to the kids....

108 replies

crappyspammyname · 15/02/2011 19:02

.......and tell him to sort himself out.

Dinner already to go, he likes to eat dinner with us all after work so I always have the dinner done for when he gets in.

He phoned me just now, when I was expecting him to walk in the door, saying he won't be home for another 2 hours, a late stay in the office. Not a problem, but a phonecall maybe earlier, so I can sort his out too. He'll get in and moan how hungry he is and expect me to have his dinner ready. Well tough, I have to put the kids to bed.

The dinner will spoil so I'm going to give his share to the kids and not leave him cold left overs.

So with such a trivial matter AIBU?

OP posts:
Chandon · 16/02/2011 10:52

in this situation, I leave DH dinner on a plate, for him to heat up in the microwave. it won't be as nice as freshly cooked, but he's still always grateful to have ANY food waiting for him.

Don't understand why you're stroppy OP, better a "spoiled" (men don't get this concept anyway) dinner than nothing, surely? And no effort for you?!

really don't get this Confused

spidookly · 16/02/2011 10:59

Bluegrass

First post:
"He'll get in and moan how hungry he is and expect me to have his dinner ready."

oldwomaninashoe · 16/02/2011 11:13

I think you are being petty and unreasonable! He will have done a longer than average day and be tired!
He told you he was being late. My goodness I work full time as does my DH and when I get in each night I cook for the family, its not difficult, and a darn sight easier if you have been at home all day with the children!

Stop being selfish!

KnittedBreast · 16/02/2011 11:16

i think the above poster is having issues because she is stuck in a shoe! lol at me a talking knitted breast mind...

id leave hi to cook it himself, what would he do if you died? starve? god gave him arms and a brain, if hes hungry hel cook

spidookly · 16/02/2011 11:18

"My goodness I work full time as does my DH and when I get in each night I cook for the family, its not difficult, and a darn sight easier if you have been at home all day with the children!"

Why is it easier to cook if you've been looking after your children than if you've been working?

Ephiny · 16/02/2011 11:32

"He'll get in and moan how hungry he is and expect me to have his dinner ready"

Shock

I absolutely can not begin to imagine getting into this situation with DP. Sometimes I cook for him (and he does for me sometimes) but it's a nice thing that we choose to do for each other, not a service that he expects me to provide for him every day because I happen to be female and live with him.

She had his dinner waiting on the table when he gets in every day by the sound of things, and people are calling her selfish? Seriously? BTW we have no reason to think that the OP is a SAHM, or being financially supported by her DH (not that she would be obliged to act as his personal cook and servant even if she were!).

PoledrathePissedOffFairy · 16/02/2011 11:38

DH has a commute of about 45 minutes to get home. I hate it when he phones me over an hour after he should have got home to tell me he's going to be late. No shit, Sherlock. And the dinner's already made by that point.

However, DH would never expect to have his tea kept for him. He finds it more than a little amusing if the kids have managed to wolf his share too. Then he forages around for junk food something else to eat himself.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 16/02/2011 12:06

Dh used to do the thing of phoning to tell me he was going to be late when he was already late too, and it used to annoy me, so I can understand the OP being frustrated - though with dh it was a regular occurance, and for the OP it sounds as if this is unusual, so she is lucky in that.

However, since dh commuted from Southend to London, there was no way he was going to be home in time to eat with the children, so I used to feed them at about 5pm, and do something else for dh and I.

Sometimes I cooked different meals for the children and for us, and sometimes I made something that would do all of us - shepherds pie or fish pie, divided between two dishes so I could cook the dc's meal and then just bung the other in the oven later for dh and I, or bolognese or chilli, where I just had to cook some more rice or spaghetti. This did get easier as their tastes got more mature, and they liked more of what I classed as grown up food.

I doubt the OP's husband wants to stay late at work, so it would be rather mean to give his meal to the dc and let him come in and go hungry. I'd put it on a plate to microwave when he comes in.

FWIW, carbonara could be whipped up very quickly - cook the bacon bits and spaghetti, keep a portion of each aside for dh, together with a portion of the eggy cheesy creamy sauce. When he gets in, bung boiling water over the pasta and quickly nuke the bacon, then pour over the carbonara sauce - it would take only minutes and would be all but freshly cooked.

spidookly · 16/02/2011 12:14

"I doubt the OP's husband wants to stay late at work"

Why?

Working a long day when you're busy can be quite rewarding.

Unless he works on a chain gang or something, I'm not sure why we're all supposed to pity him for being at work.

Bluegrass · 16/02/2011 12:16

Spidookly- you are quite right about the OP, missed that line whilst dashing out to work.

I stand by the main point of my post, which is why on earth wouldnt you try to make life a little easier for your partner if you are cooking already and they have the misfortune to be stuck at work? Much nicer for them to be able to join you so you can enjoy each others company for whatever part of the evening is left rather than send them straight to the kitchen!

Giving your other half notice is great when it is possible, but if I get called into a late afternoon conference call which ends up running for 2 hours I have precisely no warning I'll be late, and no opportunity to let anyone know unless I want to piss off several lawyers! That sort of thing is just part of working life.

HeathcliffMoorland · 16/02/2011 12:17

YABU.

If I unexpectedly need to work late, DH accommodates me.

I do the same for him.

It would seem petty to me not to.

Merlotmonster · 16/02/2011 12:32

whilst some people may find working long hours 'rewarding' - i suspect they are in the minority ...

Did the dinner wait by the way??

spidookly · 16/02/2011 12:36

"I stand by the main point of my post, which is why on earth wouldnt you try to make life a little easier for your partner if you are cooking already and they have the misfortune to be stuck at work?"

Absolutely.

But that's not what's happened here - she has already cooked for the family and he will miss dinner with very little notice.

So she should carry on with her plans and leave something for him to heat up, since it's already made, or if the food won't keep give it to the children.

It would be mean to give his food away just because she is annoyed with him, but my impression is that the dinner they are eating won't keep and she doesn't want to waste it.

If she's already cooked and eaten a meal that he didn't make it home for, it is really quite unpleasant for him to expect her to make him another one.

He's the one who missed the dinner that was cooked for him. That's life, it happens, but you don't then show up expecting a second dinner on the table for you.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 16/02/2011 13:10

If that's the case, spidookly, then perhaps the OP should tell her dh that dinner can't keep, and should suggest he picks up a takeaway on his way home. It would be mean to let him walk in the door, late and tired, and then tell him he's got no supper either.

spidookly · 16/02/2011 14:15

Sure, she could well have done that. I don't really see that her post suggests she wasn't planning to tell him until he got home.

candleshoe · 16/02/2011 14:18

FEED YOUR HUSBAND FFS! YABU!

PigletJohn · 16/02/2011 14:32

When he phones, you ought to tell him you are going to punish him for working late, by making sure there is nothing for him to eat.

Best to be upfront about it, if that's what you're going to do.

If he knows there will be no welcome for him at home he can consider having something on the way.

If you think that's best.

Ephiny · 16/02/2011 14:36

But why should his default assumption be that the OP will be cooking for him? IMO it's his own fault if he gets home and has nothing to eat if he's made such a stupid and sexist assumption.

candleshoe · 16/02/2011 14:39

Duh - she is at home - so by default she is for that meal at any rate the cook!! Therefore she should cook!

If she had done a 8-10 hour day at work then cooked for them all then she IS still the cook that night!

candleshoe · 16/02/2011 14:43

Also - he is at work - to pay the joint bills presumably. Why should he be punished? He hasn't said he's off to Spearmint Rhino with the lads!!

candleshoe · 16/02/2011 14:44

Oh and another thing - just get a microwave FGS!

candleshoe · 16/02/2011 14:45

RANTY PANTS over and out Wink

lazylula · 16/02/2011 14:45

YABU. I never know what time dh will be home. I mix cooking a meal and plating his up and he reheats it when he gets in, with cooking for the children and then cooking for us when he gets home. Tonight we have roast chicken, so that will be plated up at 5 ish and covered, then shoved in the microwave to be reheated when he gets in.

Ephiny · 16/02/2011 14:55

Sorry I don't see why she is 'the cook' (wtf?) just because she happened to get home before him, and unless she's specifically offered to cook something for him tonight then he shouldn't be assuming she will. And if you know someone is going to the trouble of kindly cooking dinner for you, the least you could do is turn up at the agreed time or if you have to cancel, do it a bit earlier than when the food is already made and ready to go!

If she's 'punishing' him by not cooking for him, then surely he's equally punishing her, because he's not cooking her dinner either!

This is actually really interesting and shows how ingrained certain beliefs about 'a woman's place' really are, even in this century! It's unbelievable really Hmm.

melikalikimaka · 16/02/2011 14:59

What about him going to chippy on way home?