Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give DH's dinner to the kids....

108 replies

crappyspammyname · 15/02/2011 19:02

.......and tell him to sort himself out.

Dinner already to go, he likes to eat dinner with us all after work so I always have the dinner done for when he gets in.

He phoned me just now, when I was expecting him to walk in the door, saying he won't be home for another 2 hours, a late stay in the office. Not a problem, but a phonecall maybe earlier, so I can sort his out too. He'll get in and moan how hungry he is and expect me to have his dinner ready. Well tough, I have to put the kids to bed.

The dinner will spoil so I'm going to give his share to the kids and not leave him cold left overs.

So with such a trivial matter AIBU?

OP posts:
whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/02/2011 19:45

Oh Midori it annoys the living shit out of me too, when DH does it. But then I know that 99 times out of 100, it's totally out of his control, and it annoys the living shit out of him too.
Still, when I get the call saying he's going to be late, it's sometimes quite tempting to answer otherwise than 'ok, will you be wanting your tea left in the oven then'...

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/02/2011 19:47

too many 'too's there.
Spidookly, if you try it, you need your oven at about 70-100 degrees, and don't leave it for more than a few hours, or it does get dry. Also it's best if the bowl you use to cover it is larger in diameter than the plate it's on, and to combat any slipping out of hands as result of that, sit the whole shebang on a big plate.

atswimtwolengths · 15/02/2011 20:00

Op, I think you sound spiteful.

He is at work, he's not drunk or with a girlfriend, is he?

Just put his bloody dinner on a plate and warm it up later. If it's the sort of meal that doesn't suit reheating, then yes give it to the children (though it did sound as though you were giving it to the dog there - haven't your children had enough to eat?) and then give him something else when he comes in.

You must surely have seen the threads about the nasty bastards that some women are married to. I assume you are not married to one of those? Well, treat him with respect and love if you value him. There are plenty of women out there who would be glad of a nice husband.

verytellytubby · 15/02/2011 20:07

I don't get the problem. He's at work not the pub. Just let him microwave it when he gets in. My DH has done exactly the same tonight so his dinner's waiting for him.

C0FFEE · 15/02/2011 20:31

Or ring him and tell him to pick something up on the way home.

LittleMissHissyFit · 15/02/2011 20:35

Itching to know what culinary masterpiece OP made now...

SandStorm · 15/02/2011 20:38

I'm just jealous of anyone whose partner is home on time to eat a family evening meal. Can't remember the last time that happened in this house :(

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/02/2011 20:46

Cannot pass judgement on this without knowing what the family meal was.

BaronessBomburst · 15/02/2011 21:02

I need to know what can't be reheated, reassembled, or rescued in some way.......

kaid100 · 15/02/2011 21:08

While it's annoying that you've prepared it and he isn't there for it, he's probably no happier at missing seeing the kids tonight. I'd pop a bowl over his and let him have it when he gets home.

spidookly · 15/02/2011 21:15

"plenty if women who'd be glad of a nice husband"!

:o :o :o

p m s l

I really need to get me a wife.

It would be so nice to be serviced by someone who was grateful I didn't treat her like shit.

Is this really what happens in marriages where tge woman stays at home?

They are expected to fawn after their husband and have his dinner on the table when he gets in?

No wait, my 90 year old Granny and her friends used to laugh at priests telling them to be grateful for a nice husband way back in the 40s.

GruffalosGirl · 15/02/2011 21:26

Oh my, I'd be starving at this point because on 50% of nights my husband has to get home from work, bath and bed DS and then cook our tea, even if I've been home all day.

If I'd cooked then I'd leave his tea in the oven to re-heat but there is no way on earth I'd cook him something different when he got home - can't believe how many people would even consider this.

And as for the fact he's been at work all day, does everyone think the OP staying at home cooking and looking after kids has just been sitting on her arse all day doing nothing?

frgr · 15/02/2011 21:45

when i have to work late, DH plates my dinner up and i reheat it when i get in. i try to give him as much notice as I can (often, just before or as he's about to start cooking it, admittedly), but it's not always easy if i'm in meetings that run over or something

just as i've done it when he had a job that required similar things

i'm sure your DH doesn't want to be stuck at work - just plate it up and let him eat it later

gobsmacked at some of the women posting on MN with these types of petty squabbles - we're all adults here, unless he's doing this every night or you have reasonable suspician that he's really taking the piss (e.g. overtime is really just out for an after-work drink, or just poor planning on his part like if he's known since this morning he'd be late) ... just deal with it and support him as any loving wife or husband should

frgr · 15/02/2011 21:48

does everyone think the OP staying at home cooking and looking after kids has just been sitting on her arse all day doing nothing?

and i'm sorry but when I was a SAHM for years, on your average day, there's no way I could compare looking after the kids for the day vs. my husband doing a 14hr shift like he had to during project endings... i mean, fair enough if they've been little terrors or i'm/they are ill and he's just had some easy work all day, but I totally resent this idea that working outside the home and doing overtime is less taxing than the other... it just depends on the situation and context. But this blanket idea that at SAHM should put her feet up when he DH gets home from paid working overtime? Nonsense.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 15/02/2011 21:54

Anyway, for future reference: you need an Aga.

spidookly · 16/02/2011 07:24

I resent the idea that a woman who has completed her day's work should keep slaving away just to make her husband feel she's not slacking.

We both work. On the days I work late and DH has put the kids to bed, I guess I should insist he's still busy with housework when I get in?

nooka · 16/02/2011 07:33

If I did this (and I do sometimes, as dh is our SAHP) then I would be grovelling and apologising on the phone (as if she was expecting him to be waling through the door he was already late knowing that his meal would be waiting for him) and taking whatever there was for a meal with gratitude, whether that was a cup of tea and a sandwich (nice if dh made the tea, wouldn't expect him to make the sandwich) which would probably be nicer than or something heated up and probably not terribly nice for it.

but I'll happily tell dh that he shoudl be waiting on me as Im really quite nice Grin

DizzyKipper · 16/02/2011 07:40

The dinner won't spoil after only 2 hours, YABU - and perhaps just trying to get at him a little?

squeakytoy · 16/02/2011 07:52

Oh my, I'd be starving at this point because on 50% of nights my husband has to get home from work, bath and bed DS and then cook our tea, even if I've been home all day.

why???

Bluegrass · 16/02/2011 07:52

Spidookly, the way you write makes your concept of marriage sound more like a war zone!

When people love each other they look out for each other, and doing nice things like getting food on the table when one is working late should be second nature surely! Can't believe you would even question that, it's not a male female thing, it's a being in a loving relationship thing. If your partner wouldn't do this for you you have my sympathy.

Oh, and the op said nothing about her dp "expecting" anything, that seemed to come from nowhere!

LittleMissHissyFit · 16/02/2011 09:49

Oh fgs, the question was (because H is late home from work) shall I give his dinner to the DC?

If the dinner is made, then keep it to be warmed through. If it genuinely won't keep, then you call the H and tell him what's what and give him the option of picking something up on the way home.

All this bloody prevarication on the role of the wife is totally irrelevant, it's about common decency and partnership.

OP, YABU to deliberately ensure that your H has no dinner, when there is a perfectly good meal prepared for him already.

He didn't do this to slight you, why you would you do such a mean and petty thing to him?

I wouldn't expect that from a friend, let alone a supposed partner.

GruffalosGirl · 16/02/2011 09:53

squeakytoy because we split the jobs at home so I do this half of the time and he does this half of the time.

I would add that I would usually be in work, having only started maternity leave this week, which is why we split them.

However, I work PT and he does compressed hours and on either of these days where one of us is at home I would not expect him to continue working in the home while I put my feet up after I got home from work, nor would I expect him to expect the same from me. We are at home to provide childcare, if any additional jobs can be done that's great but not expected.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 16/02/2011 10:18

Exactly, Littlemisshissyfit.
Oh, Spidookly, don't reheat the way I said. You'd get food poisoning. It's the method I use to keep things hot and edible, as we don't have any way of reheating stuff without spoiling it.
Although, I do sense just a touch of 'oh bloody hell' frustration in the OP, and am both wondering exactly how crappy a day she'd had, and certain that she wouldn't really leave her DH with no tea. Was probably just a spur of the moment pissed off post after a bad day.

Ephiny · 16/02/2011 10:32

YANBU, he can make something for himself, or get something to eat while he's out. It's not your job to cater for him, he's your equal partner not one of your children!

KnittedBreast · 16/02/2011 10:44

poor sods been at work all day dousnt he deserve a meal? of course he does. and he can cook one himself.

i wouldnt expect to have a dinner waiting for me if i returned 2 hours after dinner time why would your dp?