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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that when you invite a child to a birthday party, there is no need for their whole family to turn up...

85 replies

MimiSam · 15/02/2011 12:35

My DS has just had his fourth birthday. Lots of children came and most were accompanied by one parent, as you would expect. But 5 children were accompanied either both parents or by both parents and a baby sibling, all of whom stayed the whole time. I thought this was weird...when my children are invited to a party, either DH or I go with them, but not both, as it's not necessary. What do others think?

OP posts:
TallulahDoesTheHula · 15/02/2011 12:36

As long as they didnt bring additional children who were old enough to want to join in/eat food etc then it wouldnt really matter tbh

Grabaspoon · 15/02/2011 12:36

Does seem a bit odd.

spacecadet1 · 15/02/2011 12:40

Might not be necessary but might be the only time the parents can spend time together (especially when there ar so many parties to go to) or if the parents are friends with other parents there they get chance to catch up. Wouldn't have thought babies were an issue either, it's when older siblings come along without being asked if it's ok & then expect party bag when there's not enough Shock

spacecadet1 · 15/02/2011 12:40

XP with tallulah

MrsSparkle · 15/02/2011 12:41

I had that with my ds's birthday. With two of the guests both of invited child's parents came and their elder sibling (i'd say around 7 years) with meant the older one got a free play (it was at a small soft play). They didn't eat anything though as it was sit down with allocated seating.

Didn't bother me that much but i did think it was a tad cheeky.

coatgate · 15/02/2011 12:41

I know several couples who seem unable to do anything apart, so would both turn up for parties. Not so bad if at a soft play place, but in your own home it can get a little crowded. I always want to shout 'Get a life' at them. FFS, no one would choose to spend time at another child's birthday party would they?

Ariesgirl · 15/02/2011 12:42

When did this parents coming too thing start? When I was a kid, you were dropped off at 4 o' clock and collected again at six Confused

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/02/2011 12:43

Consider yourself lucky you're not in Cyprus. It seems over there you need to put out a spread and entertain the parents as much as you do the children.

I don't think it happens much after 4th birthdays.

ledkr · 15/02/2011 12:45

someone once came to dd 5th birthday with the invited child and a toddler who she left in the soft play id hired and ent for 2 hrs.We spent whole party supervising her and had to buy her food and help her with it.Now that is weird.YANBU this is why i hate parties utill they are old enough to be left.

Makingchanges · 15/02/2011 12:49

When we had DDs 5th we went to a soft play and lots of children had both parents with them (Who i'd never met). Two also brought siblings.

This was much better than the one who left their child and went, leaving me to babysit a 'demanding' child

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/02/2011 12:51

OTOH it is difficult for parents to drive child to party, drop off, go and spend some money in a cafe for 1 hour and then go and pick up again. Often with another whinging child in tow. I'm doing DD's party in a few weeks. There was the option to buy a package which included siblings' use of swimming pool. I couldn't afford it. So the parents will have the option of doing their weekly shop in the nearby supermarket...

LaWeaselMys · 15/02/2011 12:51

when they're small and your family friends, I think it's okay.

But after that who has the space??

gingercat12 · 15/02/2011 12:55

Thta is why I am not organising a birthday party for my son. It would be his first birthday party, and he is desperate to have party hats. I was watching others' birthday parties in the local softplay as preparation. Everybody turned up and their cats. They all gave big presents as well. I cannot afford to hire a room for 30 kids in his nursery class + their parents + all their siblings.

So I have decided to ask the nursery whether I could bring in party hats with the birthday cake on his birthday. All his friends like that. (He will be 3 soon.)

UC · 15/02/2011 12:55

Where was the party? Did you know the families concerned? Did you have to feed the "extra" parents/siblings?

e.g. if the party was at a soft play centre or something, why does it matter if there were extra people? If you didn't have to feed them, then why was it a problem?

If on the other hand the party was in your home, and you had to provide food for 5 extra adults and 5 extra siblings, then fair enough.

To be honest, I wouldn't get too het up about it though.

Next year, you'll probably have 20 5 year olds running amok, with no parents staying at all. That's FAR more stressful! Grin

AngryBeaver · 15/02/2011 12:57

Sometimes we do this as we don't get to spend much family time together.Sometimes I go alone,sometimes I bring the other children (if it's soft play) but I pay them in and buy their food and they sit away ffrom the party whilst they are eating,they are only 4,2 and 8 months though.
Dont see why it would bother someone as long as they wern't expecting aanything from anyone.
It's not a crime to spend time at a softplay as a family.Also,harsh to say 'get a life',dh and I enjoy spending weekends together (we see other people in the week) what's wrong with that?

HappyAsIAm · 15/02/2011 12:59

I think it completely depenmds on the venue for the party. If it is a big hall, or a soft play centre, or swimming pool or something like that, it wouldn't really matter to me whether both parents (or a sibling too) came. It wouldn't have a huge impact. And maybe if both parents are friends of the host(s), it would be nice if they both came.

But if it was in a smaller venue, like someone's house (a normal sized house!), then I think it is probably best if only one parent came. It also depends I think on how far the guest will ahve had to travel to get to you (understandable maybe for a family to be together if coming to the party involves a huge chunk of time in total).

JamieLeeCurtis · 15/02/2011 13:00

I prefer it if the adults who aren't helping go. I don't like an audience

Dinosaurhunter · 15/02/2011 13:01

My dh and i usually take our 4year old ds to parties together because my dh works long hours during the week so at the weekends our ds loves us to all be together !

Dinosaurhunter · 15/02/2011 13:01

My dh and i usually take our 4year old ds to parties together because my dh works long hours during the week so at the weekends our ds loves us to all be together !

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 13:01

I agree with Makingchanges; I would far rather have parents staying than just going off and leaving me looking after a demanding child. I guess it depends on the party venue though. Last year my 6 year old DD had a disco in a hall. A few parents brought along siblings and although no one assumed the siblings could join in, I insisted that they did if they wanted to. There was no restriction on numbers in the hall and party food can easily be stretched to feed another 4 or 5 children when you're catering for 30 anyway.

If it was at a soft play centre or leisure centre and I was paying a price per head then I wouldn't be as happy for siblings to join in, unless of course their parents paid for them to get in and got them some food, then of course they would be welcome to sit with the party children to eat.

GloriaSmut · 15/02/2011 13:01

There's never a need for the whole family to turn up unless it has been made absolutely clear that other siblings and all the parents are welcome - even if the role of the parents is all about sitting in the garden eating cake!

My dcs are 18 months apart in age, and throughout their childhood, had an overlapping friendship group. For all that, it never occurred to me to bring the uninvited child along with me. It certainly never occurred to me to bring their father with me, even when we were married!

I do, however, recall ds2's 4th birthday which was invaded by the older brother of one of his guests. Chaos is the kindest way to describe the consequences and I'm afraid that an invitation never went anywhere near that family again.

Basically, it's bloody selfish and hugely assumptive to think (unless stated otherwise) that a party invitation involves a greater cast of characters than the invitee. So YANBU.

Dinosaurhunter · 15/02/2011 13:02

Also agree that size of venue is a factor!

JamieLeeCurtis · 15/02/2011 13:03

I do also think it's rude for sibling to turn up to a party without good reason and asking first

dotnet · 15/02/2011 13:11

I think it must be infuriating. I wouldn't want either parent staying unless I invited them to; I'd say 'The party will be finishing at...and I'll see you around then.'

I'd make an exception if I knew the parent/s who'd brought the child to the party, didn't have transport of their own and chucking them out would leave them at a loose end - in which case I'd ask them if they wanted to stay and help.

GloriaSmut · 15/02/2011 13:11

It's very difficult to turn up with other siblings and then expect the party contingent (especially the invited guest) to "ignore them". In reality, it just doesn't work.

What also used to annoy me was that the people who regularly arrived "en famille" (regardless of what it said on the invitation) knew damned well that most of us were too polite to tell the uninvited members of the party to fuck off. Passive-aggression, yes?