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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that when you invite a child to a birthday party, there is no need for their whole family to turn up...

85 replies

MimiSam · 15/02/2011 12:35

My DS has just had his fourth birthday. Lots of children came and most were accompanied by one parent, as you would expect. But 5 children were accompanied either both parents or by both parents and a baby sibling, all of whom stayed the whole time. I thought this was weird...when my children are invited to a party, either DH or I go with them, but not both, as it's not necessary. What do others think?

OP posts:

cuppatino · 15/02/2011 14:58

Well if we go together, it's because neither of us want to go and have bickered about it all morning with neither giving ground. Share the misery equally-children's parties are torturous for adults. I am however slightly mollified by copious amounts of alcohol.

fridayschild · 15/02/2011 15:04

My first post on mumsnet was to wonder if I could take DS2 to a party DS1 had been invited to in a church hall.

The mumsnet jury, they said no. They were quite clear about it actually . So I have never made that particular mistake!

However DS1 always wanted a parent to stay with him at parties till he was about 7 so that's what happened. I tried to help if I could, and also it was a good chance to get to know his friends and their mums (I work FT). DS1 was always really upset when he didn't win the party games, and he just wanted someone there for him.

The parties are for children to have fun. If they are happier with a parent there, the parent can stay, as far as I'm concerned.

alfabetty · 15/02/2011 15:06

There's no way I'd leave a 3/4 year old in a party in a soft play area that was open to the general public. At that age I'd hesitate about leaving them in a hall.

I'd stay, and that means siblings staying too. But when I take siblings in to a soft play party, I always pay for them and for their food.

In someone's house, I'd be less worried, but still reluctant to leave a 3 year old in a busy party with only a few adults - what if they get upset, need the loo?

So I think YABU, and a bit churlish.

paperview · 15/02/2011 15:07

If it's soft play places then we all go. Party invitee gets to do the party thing and the other 2 get to go to soft play and have lunch/tea out (paid for by us).

BeribbonedGibbon · 15/02/2011 15:10

I like to make a family day out of it. I always ask the host to take a photo of us by the cake [deadpan]

Loosingmymind · 15/02/2011 15:21

I really don't see that problem here if you are not feeding/paying for htem etc. We are having a party at a soft play next month for my 2 & 4 year old and will have no problem with both parents and siblings turning up if they pay the children in and feed them.

The more the merrier

p.s Both my DH and I attended a party with our DC last week, he wanted to see the DC having fun as he only sees them at weekends and I didn't want to go myself as I have a sore back and could not help my 2year old up steps etc.

sweetkitty · 15/02/2011 15:27

I had to do it once, DH had taken DD1 to dancing and DD2 who is 5 had a party to go to, I texted the mother and said I was really sorry but I would have to bring DD3 whos is 2 along and DS who is just a baby. The party was in a church hall, the Mum was totally fine about it she said there was plenty of food etc but I felt awful.

AllGoodNamesGone · 15/02/2011 15:31

With some it could be that mum doesn't really want to leave the baby but Dad refuses to do the party on his own so mum makes him come along as she's darned if she's going to do the party with both children while he sits on his bum!

pollyjeanpyjamaqueen · 15/02/2011 16:56

DD1 just went to her first proper birthday party - a 3rd birthday in a soft play centre - and I automatically brought DD2 (8 months). I even asked DH if he wanted to go, as I thought it might be nice for him to see DD playing with her little friends, but he stayed at home to cook lunch in the end. After reading this I won't be making that mistake again!

JamieLeeCurtis · 15/02/2011 17:05

polly - I don't think many people would begrudge a baby - we're talking about older DCs

LittleOneMum · 15/02/2011 17:08

Oh bloody hell, I think I might have been at your party, OP

No, not really as the party we went to this weekend was a girl's party but I went, with my DS (invited) and my DH and DD (9 months). We did it because we only get Saturdays together as a family and we wanted to hang out. I did not expect a party bag for DD or any food for either parent!

princessparty · 15/02/2011 17:15

My kids would have been mortified if a parent had stayed with them at a party at the age of 4

LaWeaselMys · 15/02/2011 17:17

All of you that think you have been exceptions to the rule... As long as you tell the person organising, it probably won't be a big deal.

I think it is the assuming that annoys a lot of people, especially if space/ticket nos are an issue.

ssd · 15/02/2011 17:26

most parents who bring a sibling treat the party as a free play for the sibling, hopefully as food thrown in too

its bloody cheeky

YANBU

Chatelaine · 15/02/2011 17:28

Could it have been a cultural thing? tbh I think children are left far too young to cope with too many children in homes they are totally unfamiliar with by optimistic parents. That is an alien prospect to some. Understand that's not to criticize your home or the arrangements you made.

Viking75 · 15/02/2011 17:31

this always makes me laugh - we use parties as a way of having a break from having both children!! It's sad when they all turn up - get a life!

activate · 15/02/2011 17:34

DS3 has a friend whose whole family comes after the party and then scavenges all the food to the point of asking if they take stuff home if they don't want to eat it - we're talking 4 people.

I factor it in now and figure if they're doing it it must be for a reason although sometimes I get a bit pissed off about it as we never have left-overs when they come

oiwhatsoccuring · 15/02/2011 17:34

Some of us don#t have a choice - not everyone is on the scrounge.
When my ds is invited to a softplay party, his sister comes along too. I pay for her entry into the soft play, and then feed her whilst ds and his friends are having party tea.
One of the other mums looks after him whilst I am with ds.

When dd is invited to a party, the same happens.
4 is too young imho to leave a child in a softplay.
Someone's house is different - it is more contained and controlled.
They are twins.
I am on my own.
What would you like me to do -leave a child at home alone or in the car outside for 2 hours ?

Chatelaine · 15/02/2011 17:38

Viking75 - was that comment meant for me, I ask sincerely because my post was intended for the OP. I was wondering whether a large number of children had been invited and how well the OP knew their families.

skybluepearl · 15/02/2011 17:38

we (hubby, elsest son and i) only tend to stay if we are friends of the adult host and have been taken upon our offer to help out. Wouldn't consider it otherwise.

catzcream · 15/02/2011 17:40

OP - YANBU, if it is a party with a school/ nursery friend and it states that the invite is for a particluar child, then one parent should go. If childcare cannot be found for any other sibling, then a parent should check in before hand.

I have to say though that this does not seem to be a hard and fast rule and DS1 friends have had parties and when either DH and myself turn up minus DS2, we are asked where DS2 is! We now check before every party to clarify who exactly the hosts are expecting!

This is also a cultural thing however, in some cultures children do not get invited to parties, the invite is extended to the whole family.

darksideofthemooncup · 15/02/2011 17:44

I find it odd too, the husbands all seem to mooch around looking deeply bored and uncomfortable. Hang on that just might have something to do with my lack of hosting skills

fireandlife · 15/02/2011 17:48

I think it's lovely to include everyone, older siblings can 'help', little ones can do craft activities supervised by the parents who we always give wine, beer and tea to! That's the advantage of 'doing' the party yourself. I'd rather invite fewer children and include everyone.

Haylo · 15/02/2011 17:51

DS had his first birthday (age5) party last year, was a tennis activity thing with food. Price was based on up to 10 children and then went up if up to 20 kids, food was per head. l had carefully invited and followed up on RSVPs to ensure we had 10 for the day.

One mum arrived with her invited DS plus her neighbours child of around 4 years, he then happily skipped onto court with the others and joined in tennis, ran for a seat at the table and had a full lunch, then asked for a party bag like the others .

Mum stayed for the duration, but she neither asked me on the day or in advance if he was ok to join in, did not attempt to stop him or thank me. l should have intervened earlier in the day but l did not have the heart to call him off court .

l was then charged an extra £15, because a) l had gone over the 10 child limit and b) the extra food was £5 per head. To top it off when we got home there was no card or present from said mum and family. Its not about the present, but it was just the icing on the cake, quite literally

megapixels · 15/02/2011 17:52

If it is at a softplay centre and it is open to other people too then YABU. Obviously they should pay for uninvited children and not drop them and run.

If it is at a house or hall hired just for the party then YANBU. In such a case I don't understand the "spending time together as a family" thing, do people spend quality time as a family at the parties of people they don't even know?

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