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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that when you invite a child to a birthday party, there is no need for their whole family to turn up...

85 replies

MimiSam · 15/02/2011 12:35

My DS has just had his fourth birthday. Lots of children came and most were accompanied by one parent, as you would expect. But 5 children were accompanied either both parents or by both parents and a baby sibling, all of whom stayed the whole time. I thought this was weird...when my children are invited to a party, either DH or I go with them, but not both, as it's not necessary. What do others think?

OP posts:

megapixels · 15/02/2011 17:54

My kids would have been mortified if a parent had stayed with them at a party at the age of 4

Really Princessparty? At the age of 4 they'd be embarrassed to have a parent stay?

ssd · 15/02/2011 17:56

jesus if I didn't stay when mine were 4 they'd have cried their eyes out!

now they are embarrassed if I go anywhere near them

gordon1 · 15/02/2011 17:56

OMG how could someone do that Haylo. My ddthan 4 was invited to a party and dp was working so i had to bring 2 year old along. I offered to pay id it cost party host anything extra. They declined which was lovely.

changeforthebetter · 15/02/2011 17:58

I have to take DD2 with me to DD1's parties as I have no one to look after her. As they are usually in hell soft play centres, I pay the normal entry fee for the uninvited sibling and make a fuss about taking her to the cafe "for a treat" while the birthday party kids go off for their food. DD2 is very about this as she loathes soft play nearly as much as me . This costs the host parents nothing. I would be horrified if they thought I expected a second party bag of crap (have hosted soft play parties myself and really the bags are shite )

ssd · 15/02/2011 17:58

Haylo

some people have a real nerve haven't they

atswimtwolengths · 15/02/2011 18:05

I can understand people who don't drive having difficulty getting just one child to a party some distance away, but I found the people who went en famille to a party in a play centre still came together when the party is in the house.

It's rude, isn't it? It's gatecrashing.

Why can't people see that they are not invited? If the child doesn't want to go alone, then refuse the invitation. Nobody wants a whole family hanging around.

As for not wanting to do anything apart - that is absolutely pathetic! If you really are like that, then don't accept the invitation.

(I wonder whether the families who don't do anything apart are also the ones who wouldn't go to a wedding without their children.)

Haylo · 15/02/2011 18:22

l can see l need to grow a pair, because some parents will take advantage unless you step up and say something. Sad thing is l had invited the little guy because no one else ever includes him in stuff, he has behavioural issues and comes from a DV background so l wanted him included most of all from the circle of friends DS has. It may be cultural as his mum has settled in England for the past 10 or so years l think. l thought at the time maybe she really does not know/have experience of, but l could not excuse all of it l am afraid. We are rethinking our birthday strategy this year needless to say.

MrsPennySworth · 15/02/2011 19:23

You see also, I've experienced the opposite. One of my friends has 2 boys the same age as mine (5 and 3) and because she is my friend (as opposed to ds1's friend's mum) we normally invite both boys to any parties. So we get an invite to a football party, for the boy who is going to be 5, at a leisure centre saying "To ds1 and ds2" blah blah blah.

Morning of the party I couldn't remember if invite was for both boys so text to ask (might be an age appropriate thing) but didn't get a reply. I was almost certain it was so took them both and dh stayed home with dc3.

By the end of the party though it was obvious ds2 (who is 3) wasn't really included on the "official" party list and was left out of games and didn't get a trophy or party bag like the others. And when the kids went to eat there wasn't a chair left for him (obviously they only put out the amount they need for the kids!). So he was hungry and I felt so sorry for him - he kept going up to dc1 wanting to have some of his food and then his jelly and ice-cream and was a bit upset - I had to keep pulling him away!

Of course by then I was thinking 'oh no I must have got it wrong and he wasn't invited! Silly me!" etc (and felt bad dragging him along to watch the fun too). So get home and dig out the invite (at bottom of drawer oops!) and his name WAS on the invite!

This friends other boy who is 3 was also joining in so it wasn't because dc2 was too young and tbh I wouldn't have cared if the invite had actually just invited dc1! But to invite them both then exclude one I was a little bit as dc2 had been so excited and got to watch dc1 with his 2 little friends that they normally play with together having fun and eating ice cream for 2 hours grrr... Wish she had just been honest and just invited dc1 if that's what she wanted!

Goodness me, that feels better! Rant over!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 16/02/2011 18:30

Did you ask her about it or did you not refer to it again?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/02/2011 19:01

MrsPennySWorth... that's horrid. Your 'friend' should feel jolly ashamed. How awful for both your DSs.. :(

I feel angry for you, the invite was for both and even if it weren't, it would have been a genuine error considering that both sets of boys have parties together often. Your friend should have done all she could to make your DS2 welcome, chair, food, games, the lot.

I'd probably write her off as a friend and make it clear that her behaviour was rotten...

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