to think that when you invite a child to a birthday party, there is no need for their whole family to turn up...

[MimiSam]

My DS has just had his fourth birthday. Lots of children came and most were accompanied by one parent, as you would expect. But 5 children were accompanied either both parents or by both parents and a baby sibling, all of whom stayed the whole time. I thought this was weird...when my children are invited to a party, either DH or I go with them, but not both, as it's not necessary. What do others think?

I would be a bit if they hadn't talked to you about it first, but overall it wouldn't bother me (mostly because I tend to buy too much of everything for parties and the kids seem to enjoy the extra).

With my son's 6th birthday, his best friend (who has mobility problems, along with other medical conditions) came with his older brother (who is 10), but that was discussed between my husband and their mum beforehand and (barring typical sibling squabling) it made it easier to make sure my son's best friend could be involved with everything.

I think age four is still too you g to leave a child at a party unless it's a good personal friend
we took our ds to a party recently and the mother said we could leave him but we declined as the party venue was on a main road with the doors open and 20 other 4 year olds ! With the best will in the world she could not watch and keep safe all those children !

It's a recent thing, isn't it? Parents were far more willing to leave children at parties when I was young. I think it's the main reason most people feel they need to hire a venue for parties these days, so they don't need to cram a couple of dozen parents into their lounge.

I like leaving my children with other people. They have more fun when I'm not there to stop them picking their noses.

I quite agree with you OP. There is one girl in DS2's class that always turns up mob-handed (mum, dad and big sister) and when the little girl decides she doesn't want to be left they all stay. She was invited to all DS'a parties since he started school and every time the big sis hung around like a spare part until we took pity on her and asked her to join in.

Shatners - it may have been different. Nowadays if a party is at a farm 10 miles away, what can you expect the parents and siblings to do? Not enough time to go home and return etc. I'm not saying you should pay for all, but I can see why they'd be hanging around and spending an additional amount of money that they don't really fancy.

If it was in your own house then I think that is a bit rude for them to stay unless you have asked them to. They would just get in your way and you might feel obliged to feed them.

But in something like a soft play then I think that is fair enough. No obligation on you to do anything to entertain them or feed them.

Up to and including when DD was four we did this and often we would both go because we found those places so awful that we would tend to go together for moral support.

However, to bring other children I would say is a definite no-no. Especially to a soft play because how could you explain to one child "No you just have to sit and watch" They would expect to join in and would end up just gatecrashing the partyt.

I don't think the OP was suggesting it was ideal to leave a 4 year old totally unaccompanied at a party, dinosaurhunter.

The issue was with partners and siblings turning up and expecting to stay.

I would have thought you'd just drop the child off and pick them up later, that's what parents used to do! 4 does seem a bit young when I think about it though, can't remember that far back but maybe we just didn't go to parties so young back then?

Or maybe people didn't invite more children than they could supervise, whereas now you invite the whole class, which is understandably a bit much for one set of parents to look after!

I know one family that do everything together and they would do this. I dont get it either, but it wouldnt bother me aslong as they didnt expect the non invited child to join in and be fed.

OP here - I'm certainly not complaining about ONE parent staying with their 4 year old, as that's totally to be expected. I was complaining about at least 2 parents and sometimes also a younger sibling, which frankly seems OTT to me. Our party was in a hired room in a community centre, so bigger than our front room at home, but not huge - parents gathered round the edge, while kids played in the middle.
I think if people feel both parents/whole family need to come, "so they can have some family time togther", then it might be better to decline the odd invitation and just really spend together as a family - I would.

It's a cop-out that "family do everything together" line. Because you can still prefer to spend your time doing family activities together whilst recognising that this will not necessarily be realistic so far as every single event/activity is concerned.If you really can't be separated from each other then best turn down the individual party invitations.

I still don't see how you can reasonably turn up with an uninvited child and expect everyone else to ignore them, either. Let alone their invited sibling.

Ephiny- I totally agree why do people feel the need to invite a whole class ? Also I think a bit of competitive parenting comes into play with 'who can have the best party' but that's a whole other issue !!!

I invite the whole class, its not competative parenting nor who can have the best party - its because DD wants the whole class and doesnt have any 'special' friends.

Last year I also made a point of seeking out the few mums of invitees who I knew had siblings that DD knew to invite them too.

I hope no-one saw what I did as one-upmanship, I just wanted DD to have a lovely party.

I agree with you Gloria - if parties are too onerous, turn down the inviations

And Ephiny - I think you are right - more people seem to have bigger parties now. Not me.

Ariesgirl... I remember it that way too.

I really can't understand why parents want to hovver so nowadays, it's really sad. Do they ever realise that they might be cramping their child's style?

It's not better parenting, it's just not wanting to let go. Children ought to be able to attend a party, away from parents and siblings, for an hour or two - and parents ought to encourage it, FGS. (hmm)

Ephiny.. I didn't either. I think four is a bit young. I think I was about six when I went my first party. I was dropped off and picked up again and that's the way it was.... but then again, parents had parties for their children at home.

I think the family time thing is a load of rubbish too. It is two hours - only having weekends together is a completely normal state of affairs, which people manage without stapling themselves together on their two days off.

Family time doesn't have to be all together either, if Dad or Mum works a lot why can't they that one parent go to the party with child. It's still 'family time' without other parent and siblings.

My dh would rather gnaw his arm off than sit through a party. Admittedly he will take ds if need be whilst I am doing something else, but usually he is the one to stay at home and get on with jobs round the house or take stuff to the tip etc. Thankfully ds is now coming to an age where it is expected just to leave them.

I had a party for my son when he was 4. we were quite stressed as there was only myself and husband helping as my mum was unwell and couldn't come.

One girl brought her older sister which did annoy me a bit as the mother shot off and then expected someone else to give them a lift home and expected me to sort it out.

I think, if it is at a soft play (and that it hasn't been hired specifically for the party) then I can't see a problem in both parents coming and another sibling? Parents sit and drink tea and sibling just runs off in to the soft play? And as long as they don't expect the sibling to be fed either? I thought normally parents would pay for the sibling to get in the soft play and the child going to the party gets in for free?

I don't think we've ever both been with our children to a party with our other children? But I wouldn't find it weird though and I'm actually really surprised other people do!

We have only stayed with our 5 yo a couple of times. Once he was really upset and in a weird mood so we didn't leave him and last weekend the party was only an hour and a half and it was miles away so I just stayed and chatted with a couple of the other mums (plus the parking was bad there and I didn't want to risk not being able to get a space later on!)

If it was a party at a house/hall etc then I do think it's unreasonable to bring siblings.

Oh and it's definitely unreasonable to leave invited child AND an uninvited sibling at a party and then shoot off!

I think sometimes it's difficult for a parent to come without the siblings (would be for me).

My 2 yr old DD (almost 3yo) went to her first birthday party at the weekend, DP and I both went, it was in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive, DP doesn't know any of the other parents and didn't really want to go alone.

I think it was normal, expected even, they had beer and wine!

I had a party 5 yr once when one parent left invited 5 yr old and uninvited 3 yr old alone with us. 3 yr old had a bowel accident as as we were not at home and my son is toliet trAined so no changing bag etc Ok this can happen but she had not provided any changes for him and he wasnt invited in the first place! Myself and the other mother helping me had to leave him dirty. We tried ringing mother of child but she didn't bother answering which is what I find most shocking.