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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to my SIL wedding reception

105 replies

EdwardorEricCantdecide · 14/02/2011 22:30

Ok sorry if this is long.
DSIL got married in dec (gave every1 4 wks notice)
As her husband is Italian they are having another reception in Sorrento. In June DH and I are expected to be there. And we were grudgingly going to go. (it's more than we would normally spend for a week hol) I have been quoted £1500 at best for the week.
I have now just found out I'm preggers and will be 24 wks in June. I think the money could be better spent on really cheap hol with DS earlier in the year. And on baby/house.
AIBU not to go?

Ps we did go to the original wedding and reception in December and will be going to "wedding celebration" in march I think 2out of 3 isn't bad??

OP posts:
GiddyPickle · 14/02/2011 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricNorthmansMistress · 14/02/2011 22:33

YANBU! Invent a minor and non serious health reason that means you can't fly past....20 weeks.

BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 22:34

YANBU - seems a lot of fuss for one wedding!?!

EricNorthmansMistress · 14/02/2011 22:34

BTW
Eric obv - blates

alarkaspree · 14/02/2011 22:37

I think yanbu too. Regardless of pregnancy, two wedding celebrations for one wedding is more than enough.

Does your dh feel the same way as you though? If he really wants to be there, would him going alone be an option?

parakeet · 14/02/2011 22:39

I would never have flown at 24 weeks. If you have some little health scare while you're out there you could end up stuck in Italy for the duration of pregnancy because the return flight would be too risky. Happened to a friend of mine (at 31 weeks, admittedly).

Tell them your midwife has advised you not to fly at that stage.

squeakytoy · 14/02/2011 22:41

You could drive back from Italy.. you wouldnt be stranded there...

But no, you arent being unreasonable if only you will need that money for the baby and I am sure everyone would understand.

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 14/02/2011 22:41

Thanks for ur replies. Tis a lot of fuss was meant to be small wedding to begin with day in dec was v. Small only 20 people Inc groom immediate family Italy is really for grooms extended family so I don't think we would enjoy it anyway as very few of them speak English and we don't speak Italian. I'm going to tell them at the weekend about preg and not going but I know shit will hit the fan (scaredy cat emoticon)
Also know they won't be happy that we are still going on hol (although will be much cheaper)
Ps yes I'm definitely coming round to that way of thinking Eric is definitely more of a MAN lol

OP posts:
Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 14/02/2011 22:46

DH hasn't really said he wasn't keen on going before I fell pg but think he had come round to it. He said he can go alone if she is really upset. I'd rather he didn't cause that would still be around £850 for him to go alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 14/02/2011 22:47

Ps I don't really think DSis will be a prob she is v.understanding it's her hubby I'm worried about.

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 14/02/2011 22:47

No he should not go alone when you are that pregnant.

BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 22:49

Never understand why anyone would kick off about this sorta thing. What will be her H's problem with it?

MissyKLo · 14/02/2011 22:50

Don't let him go alone! Bloody hell! Just because they have lined up three Weddings it doesn't mean you have to pander to her and go to that one too! Let her sulk, if she does she is being completely unreasonable and selfish. Think about your health, your baby and your safety and relax at home and go away with your dh for a break before baby as believe me, a nice break before baby arrives will be a good thing for you both!

fedupofnamechanging · 14/02/2011 22:51

I really dislike how some people think the whole world has to revolve around their weddings. You were at the main event and now have other priorities. If the situation was reversed, do you think SIL would travel to Italy for you?

Stay here and spend your money on what you need for the baby. Don't let people bully you into doing otherwise.

Congratulations btw

MissyKLo · 14/02/2011 22:52

It doesn't matter if her dh has a problem let it go over your head and concentrate on your preg - NOTHING else matters!

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 14/02/2011 22:52

I'd prefer him not to as DS will only be 2yo and I don't know how I'd cope on my own for a week or even weekend with preg DS and still work 34hrs
Exhausted just thinking of it.

OP posts:
MissyKLo · 14/02/2011 22:53

Agree karma!

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 14/02/2011 22:58

I think because he's Italian and is v family orientated??
She told him in the beginning that we may not make it as we don't earn nearly as much as they do etc

His response was "he's your brother he needs to get himself there no matter what" which I took to mean even if means getting into debt??

I told her wen she said this under no circumstance would I get myself into financial trouble for it she said she understands that.

OP posts:
Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 14/02/2011 22:59

That was when I thought I could afford to though!

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2011 23:21

Well I guess a groomzilla makes a change from all the bridezillas. Your new BIL does not get to decide where you holiday. You have already attended his wedding.

iscream · 15/02/2011 05:49

If bil wants you there, he will "have to make it happen no matter what"...like pay your way!Grin

Seriously, do what is best for your own little family.

ENormaSnob · 15/02/2011 07:50

Yanbu

tbh I would be pissed off at attending 3 parties for the same wedding whatever country they were held in.

RunAwayWife · 15/02/2011 07:54

YANBU

DizzyKipper · 15/02/2011 08:16

YANBU - you've already been to 2, 3 is overkill. Personally I'd have probably only have been to 1, and be feeling a bit put out that the same couple kept trying to place this financial commitment on me. Not everyone can afford it.

supergreenuk · 15/02/2011 08:19

YANBU
It's your choice to spend or not to spend your own money on the trip. I think you have good reason not to go and explained well I'm sure they will have complete understanding in your situation.