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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to my SIL wedding reception

105 replies

EdwardorEricCantdecide · 14/02/2011 22:30

Ok sorry if this is long.
DSIL got married in dec (gave every1 4 wks notice)
As her husband is Italian they are having another reception in Sorrento. In June DH and I are expected to be there. And we were grudgingly going to go. (it's more than we would normally spend for a week hol) I have been quoted £1500 at best for the week.
I have now just found out I'm preggers and will be 24 wks in June. I think the money could be better spent on really cheap hol with DS earlier in the year. And on baby/house.
AIBU not to go?

Ps we did go to the original wedding and reception in December and will be going to "wedding celebration" in march I think 2out of 3 isn't bad??

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 15/02/2011 08:21

YANBU.

diddl · 15/02/2011 08:30

Wouldn´t even have contemplated it at that price tbh, especially not having already been to the wedding & reception.

If he´s that family orientated, why didn´t he marry in Italy?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 15/02/2011 08:39

3 Wedding celebrations??

I'm beginning to think I should of been a bit more demanding all those years ago... Hmm

Wink

YANBU BTW

ledkr · 15/02/2011 08:47

yadnbu-fed up with selfish people and their compulsary wedding spending.Dh couldnt attend his mates stag as our baby would only be a few wekks and we couldnt afford two holidays(was a week abroad) he made a huge fuss as he is his "best friend" s7uch a best friend he has not seen or heard from him since even to congratulate him on dd 2 weeks old even tho she had some serious health probs.I am glad now we dont have to attened the bloody wedding which is no kids.Wouldnt be so negative but the groom cheats his arse off too.grrrrr.

ledkr · 15/02/2011 08:48

gosh my typing is shocking,must be lack of sleep sorry.

Bumperlicious · 15/02/2011 09:03

Why the three celebrations? Good grief, go to two then enough's enough! I personally wouldn't have gone abroad at all when pg as I felt so shit both times I would have been miserable.

Bogeyface · 15/02/2011 09:12

No NBU at all.

I wouldnt bother making excuses either, just say that the pg has changed everything so now you cant commit financially to this trip so you are sorry but you wont be there.

Dont forget what has been said on here many times recently IT IS AN INVITATION NOT A COURT ORDERED SUMMONS!

If you cant go, you cant go and this time round, you cant go!

LittleMissHissyFit · 15/02/2011 09:34

No. No. No. Tell them you are attending in March and that is it.

Let the chips fall as they may, you need to stand up to the BIL, putting YOUR OWN family and health first.

If they push it, you can always cancel the March do as well. I wouldn't be pushed into this, under no circumstances.

Bramshott · 15/02/2011 10:06

YANBU - although I have to say that a wedding party in Sorrento sounds like great fun. I think I would go in your shoes - lovely place, chance to meet new family members, 24 weeks is probably about the perfect time to travel (no morning sickness, but not too big either). Isn't there any way you could go more cheaply?

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 15/02/2011 10:16

no if i book flights and hotel seperately then will be about £1200 B&B meaning i'll still need to feed and and water me DH and DS whist there so prob another £600+ for spending money.
if i book as package deal i can get 1 wk half board for £1500 so then just need to pay for lunches and drinks? maybe another £400 or so?
but because there's no direct flight will mean taking 2 flights and 1 hour on coach whilst 6 1/2 mths pg and DS who will be just turned 2yo, i think the travelling sounds stressful.

OP posts:
Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 15/02/2011 10:17

money being no object i think i would really like to go though, maybe in a couple of years time as a holiday?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 15/02/2011 10:28

The journey alone sounds like a nightmare!

I think what I thunk before, which is no!

Bramshott · 15/02/2011 10:30

Ah yes, sorry, I'd missed that your DS is only 2. You've clearly looked into it in detail - I've never been there, but I remember a friend going, and I think she flew to Naples and then got the train.

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 15/02/2011 10:38

cheapest way i can find is glasgow-london then london-naples then bus to Sorrento

or

glasgow to berlin berlin-naples and bus

sounds too much TBH

i do think it would have been a lovely expreience though, not your usual summer holiday

OP posts:
tuliwoman20 · 15/02/2011 11:07

It's a wedding INVITATION ie it's up to you whether you go or not!

MatureUniStudent · 15/02/2011 11:25

Congratulations re the new baby to be. I flew at 27 weeks with no. 4 and it was horrid. I could feel all the fluid sloshing about inside of me and I was quite ill for two days afterwards. I have no idea if this is a recognised medical thing or not, but it affected my balance and just made me feel v sick. So you could use that excuse!?

Onetoomanycornettos · 15/02/2011 11:32

I also felt quite ill travelling at around 25 weeks. Just say 'I will be pregnant and don't want to travel' and that's that. YANBU.

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 15/02/2011 11:49

the thing is ive found a cheap all inclusive deal to spain for £600 for all of us travelling at beginning of may so i do still intend to go on hol but just with DH and DS and mush cheaper.

OP posts:
chelstonmum · 15/02/2011 12:03

Take your family to Spain. You are still in a position where you are not bound by term times etc.

You have attended the marriage and reception, and at 6mths plus you will be tired and harassed with the travel. Also 6-7mths notice for a 3rd wedding party is not good.........im assuming you have already had to buy clothes, presents, transport etc for the December nuptuals (in the lead up to christmas) and now are expected to bust your summer holiday budget (which I cherish as 'us' time). Good luck and congratulations! x

piratecat · 15/02/2011 12:06

bloody hell, how long do these celebrations go on for.

do not go to Sorrento at 24 weeks pg.!!

ziggyzebra · 15/02/2011 12:16

YADNBU.

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 15/02/2011 12:19

ok DSIL and DBIL have now agreed to come to dinner on dat night at ours.

i plan on telling them about pregnancy and not going to Sorrento in one breath in a good news/bad news kind of way IYSWIM

i'm hoping the pregnancy will over shine bad news Wink

OP posts:
Loie159 · 15/02/2011 12:23

I think it is quite difficult to fly at this stage. I think after 27 weeks you need a dr letter but in fairness a number of airlines are not happy to take you without the letter even earlier than this. I tried to fly when pg with dc 2 at 22 weeks and 3 airlines wouldnt accept me.

dont go it is madness esp as you will be super hot and you have ds to worry about as well. it will be stressful and expensive - not what you need!!

castleonthehill · 15/02/2011 13:02

After you go for you scan say they have changed you dates so you can't go

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 15/02/2011 13:32

Your BIL is being VU expecting you to get in debt to get there.

I wouldn't go on principle because of that statement alone, however as you are pg you have other things to spend the money on.

Congratulations on new bubs Smile