Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to my SIL wedding reception

105 replies

EdwardorEricCantdecide · 14/02/2011 22:30

Ok sorry if this is long.
DSIL got married in dec (gave every1 4 wks notice)
As her husband is Italian they are having another reception in Sorrento. In June DH and I are expected to be there. And we were grudgingly going to go. (it's more than we would normally spend for a week hol) I have been quoted £1500 at best for the week.
I have now just found out I'm preggers and will be 24 wks in June. I think the money could be better spent on really cheap hol with DS earlier in the year. And on baby/house.
AIBU not to go?

Ps we did go to the original wedding and reception in December and will be going to "wedding celebration" in march I think 2out of 3 isn't bad??

OP posts:
Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 25/02/2011 10:37

i've just priced for DH to go on his own, works out at £228 so not too bad and he said he'll crash in his mum's hotel room for one night.

kind of don't want him to go on principle now though, but don't want to ruin it for DSIL, and don't want to cause a family fight either.

what's MN opinion on this?

OP posts:
Tolalola · 25/02/2011 11:02

I agree that yanbu not to want to go. The journey sounds like a pain and if money is tight then that's that. Don't give in to tantrums.

Not so keen on the suggestion that you should use pregnancy as an 'excuse' though. I'm currently pg with number 2, and I find it incredibly annoying when people fuss over me and think that I can't do things because I am pg. I'm not ill.

I think people who use pregnancy as an excuse to get out of things increase this feeling among others that pregnant people should spend 9 months lying on the sofa with their feet up drinking herbal tea, while in reality, most people have perfectly healthy pregnancies. Grr.

Disclaimer: Of course some are genuinely debilitated by pregnancy, and the above does not apply.

VerylazyBecsy · 25/02/2011 11:12

DO NOT LET HIM GO FGS!

youve been to the wedding, theyre being idiots and you need your husband at home more. £228 is a lot of money. Just think how long it takes earn that!!

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 25/02/2011 11:13

YANBU

I don't think your DH should go either. Your WBIL is behaving like a petulant toddler throwing a tantrum and therefore should be ignored. You and your DH should be presenting a united front against this behaviour and making it clear that you won't be bullied into anything.

VerylazyBecsy · 25/02/2011 11:13

btw, they would be causing the family fight, not you!

diddl · 25/02/2011 11:19

"Ok BIL thinks this is disgusting that we are not going to Italy due to money."

Then he can bloody well pay for you all.

No, your husband should not be going alone-he has seen his sister get married & been to her wedding reception.

Why does he need to do it again?

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/02/2011 11:25

No IS a complete sentence...

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 25/02/2011 11:38

I still wouldn't go - its the principle of it isn't it.

If your BIL wants you to be there that much he should pay.

MintyMoo · 25/02/2011 11:57

I definitely wouldn't want DH to go after that £60k comment. BIL is a twat to expect you to get in to debt for his THIRD wedding celebration when you are short of money and have another child on the way. If it's that important to him that someone from your family goes and he really does have £60k then he can pay.

Just say 'no, we can't afford it, the decision is final' and leave it. As others have pointed out 'No' is a complete sentence.

breatheslowly · 25/02/2011 12:07

It may be more difficult for you to cope on your own than the average 24 week pregnant person if your SPD reappears.

SarahBumBarer · 25/02/2011 13:07

Quote "TBH its taking every ounce of my self control not to go to his house and rip his head clean off his body!!!"

I think you should cut loose sometimes... Grin

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 25/02/2011 13:55
Grin
OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 25/02/2011 14:26

Another one here saying you should not go. If my BIL spoke to my DH like that, he'd be picking his teeth out of his arse by now, not having me spend money to attend his third wedding ceremony.

Sometimes people with loads of money have very little understanding of what it is like to not have loads of money. They are also used to getting what they want, because they have the means to pay for it. It does not harm for people like this to hear the word 'NO' occasionally. Your BIL needs to learn that the world does not begin and end with him. Don't let him bully you. You know what you want to do, so you should stick to it. Don't worry about causing family problems - he is the one doing that with his petulant, brattish behaviour.

ENormaSnob · 25/02/2011 14:32

No, I do not think your dh should go either.

solooovely · 25/02/2011 14:42

If he thinks it is disgusting not to go because of money then let him pay for it!

bellaella16 · 25/02/2011 16:38

YANBU for all the reasons of the other posts. If BIL is going to be a diva (divo?) plead pregnancy as a non negotiable. Good luck with your new baby :)

rookiemater · 25/02/2011 16:59

I'm going to go slightly against the grain here. If your DH can go for £228( how come its so much cheaper than when it was the three of you, is it because no accomodation) and he can stay in his Mums room ( which is kind of weird thing to do but guess it will save money) then I think its up to him what he does.

Yes your BIL is a grade A arse, but at the end of the day it is your DH's sister and he sounds exactly the sort of idiot that would cut off all contact for a thing like this.

diddl · 25/02/2011 17:04

But that surely just enndorses their/his behaviour.

It´s not as if OPs husband hasn´t been to his sistter´s wedding/reception.

And they are already going to another "celebration" next month!

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 25/02/2011 17:05

"Yes your BIL is a grade A arse, but at the end of the day it is your DH's sister and he sounds exactly the sort of idiot that would cut off all contact for a thing like this."

Well there is a bright side to everything WinkGrin

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 25/02/2011 17:32

its cheaper for him on his own because i wouldn't drag me and DS over there for just one night, we would need to stay for a week, and as DH is self employed wouldn't earn any money that week, flights accomodation food and drink x3 for a week + lost earnings.
the £228 is flying glasgow-london london-naples then coach to sorrento the wait in london is 6hrs between flights on the way there and 10hrs on way back! i couldn't do that with a toddler i know my limits Wink

OP posts:
Eglu · 25/02/2011 17:33

Agree with everyone elso your DH shouldn't go either. His Sister should stand up to her arse of a husband and explain it is reasonable enough of you to not go.

Original poster
EdwardorEricCantdecide · 25/02/2011 17:34

and according to DH he turned up at the pub last night with my pregnancy dates and medical websites saying it was safe to fly at 24wks. apparently his cousin flew to uk for hols when she was 34wks preg (i'm v. skeptical as to wether or not this is true?)i didn't think airlines would take you that far on?

OP posts:
Eglu · 25/02/2011 17:39

He really is a complete tosser. It is not about whether it is safe for you to fly. It is whether you feel comfortable with it.

nailak · 25/02/2011 17:53

its his sisters wedding, he gets to meet his new bils family, does family mean nothing?

i agree with the sil's dh,this is not your dh's next door neighbour it his sister, doesnt he want to see what sort of family shes married in to and stuff? i can understand if you dont want to go if you are pregnant, but your dh should defnitely go!! espescially as you sils dh has expressed how important it is to him!

if i was in you rposition i would definitely go.
yabu

StewieGriffinsMom · 25/02/2011 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.