in being cautious to chastise my friend's child

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When she is present? She is a rude and unlikeable child who speaks to adults in a terrible manner. I have to bite my tongue when she "orders" me to do things and addresses me by my christian name (HATE that but thats another thread) or a "hey".. DH reckons I should pull her up on it if thats the way I want to be treated/not treated but I am concerned I will offend. Its REALLY difficult not to snap. (child is 6)

To drift on a tangent to this day I still carry with me the shock of discovering (aged 13) that my first boyfriend called his parents by their first names. When I asked him why he didn't call his mother "Mum" he said, "she doesn't like it."

WTF.

I'm mid 40s, quite happy with either form of address. I find where the primary relationship is between the parents, ie my friends' children, first names are used, whereas when the primary relationship is between the children, ie school friends, MrsDCsurname
is sometimes used, I tend to assume this is because they don't know my first name. When I help in school in the DCs classes I am known as Firstname, which is fine by me. Often just get called "DS's Mum". Am actually Ms Ownsurname anyway, but don't expect them to remember that.

Re general rudeness, I would as others have said, keep it light hearted but pull them up.

I would also be quite happy to dispense with Aunty, makes me feel old. But don't feel strongly about it.

I don't understand why people say Mrs and Auntie make them feel old, but I suppose as I have been both since I was 22 I had no reason to feel old about my new status, as I most definitely wasn't.

Although not Asian or Afro Carribean I also grew up calling my mum's very closest friends Auntie X (lots of Jewish people involved in this circle though - perhaps it is common in that culture too?), in fact it was some years before I realised we weren't actually related .

And anyay it's not what they call you, it's the tone of voice they say it in. Mrs Seeker or Auntie seeker can be SOOOO much ruder than plain Seeker on the lips of a skilled 6 year old. Even more so ifit's a teenager!

I find it can get quite confusing if you use Mrs, Ms, Dr etc. Not all mothers have the same surname as their children. Some people like to be Mrs, some Ms - and round here there are quite a few Dr's. I think most children now use the same name their parent's use for people.

When I was growing up my Mum was a teacher to a lot of her friends children. They all knew that when she was in school she was Mrs x but out of school they could call her by her first name. Believe me, they only ever called her by her first name once at school - she has a scary teacher stare! That was 20 odd years ago, so this isn't a new thing.

Don't invite her over if she is so rude. Any playdates that are rude to me or break things on purpose are not invited back

I've been an Aunty since I was 13 months old so I don't find it makes me feel 'old' at all. My younger nieces just call me Minty, that's fine. I was taught in the 90s as a child that all adults are addressed as Mrs X etc at first, if they say first names are fine then ok but always go with Mr/Mrs surname first. I think I was around 12/13 before most adults allowed me to call them by their first names and that was only 10 years ago!

Agree with Ripeberry put an end to the playdates if can't behave in an acceptable manner.

I am 50 -and hate being called Mrs Deaddei.
I visit schools, and when I am introduced in assemblies, ask to be just Deaddei.
I have no reservations in pointing out to children their behaviour is inappropriate.

I am 36 and expect to address any new acquaintance I estimate as a generation (i.e. 20 years) or so older than me as 'Mr/Mrs', until invited to do otherwise.

I would prefer children, therefore, to do the same, but don't correct those who plunge in with 'Awesome', just smile and nod.

And yes, I am an old stick-in-the-mud.

I'm quite relaxed so first name would be fine and 'hey' I would find quite funny (but privately explain to dd that it's maybe not the politest way to address people).

If someone addresses me with a 'Hey' I reply 'Straw'!!!!!

Works for us

You shouldn't chastise her but I wouldn't hesitate to correct her even if her mum's there.

In what way does she "order" you around? I would always correct a child asking me for something even if their parents were there. For instance at a party of in-laws a child walked up to me in the kitchen and said "I want a drink". I just he had to ask nicely and say "Please may I have a drink" which he did and I made it for him.

She can only behave in a way that she is taught is acceptable and you are reinforcing her belief that she is right if you go along with it.

Everybody has their own way of doing things and some parents object to other people telling their children anything but if it affects me, my family or my possessions then I will stop a child doing something I don't like.

I'm 40 but Christian name is normal to me. Unless helping in school. When I'm 50 I wouldn't care either

If u value friendship with yr friend keep quiet if not bother feel free to chastise

YANBU to say something to her but there's a way of saying it that will get the point across wihtout being harsh.

My friends DD was the same and when she ordered me around and said do this, do that, I said to her (in front of her mum) "Why don't you try saying please or I wont do anything".

Enough said. They both got the point.

I am nearly 49 and all my childrens friends call me by my first name. In fact no one ever calls me Ms Butterfly so it would be completely weird to be called that by children. It would also make me feel ancient!!! I grew up calling my folks friends Mrs This and Mrs That and never thought any different but we live in different times now.

In terms of telling off other kids I expect the same manners as I do from my own two. I have no hesitation in stating my expectations whatsoever but I do it with humour - they soon learn. I do admit I am a bit more cautious when their parents are about but expect the same then too. My biggest challenge is best friends DS who talks in a cutsie lisp that not only drives me and DH mad but our kids start copying him!

I would have no problem with the first name thing though at the moment I get called "ds's name mum" as in Johns mum (not real name) mind you these are 6 year olds :)

As for the "hey" I would like another poster has said reply "straw"

I can't get past your expecting a friend's child to address you by anthing other than your first name tbh. It's really strange

You'll find quite a few people agree with me..see other thread

by the way she is a school "friend", not a close one

YANBU. I would pull a friend's child up over manners, in the same way I would my own, and would expect my friends to pull my own children up over it as well.

I wouldn't want my friends' children to call me by my surname (I'm 41) but I think that's because I used to work in schools and so Mrs Eden was my 'school name'. I would prefer 'Mrs E' if some formality was required. (Or, of course, X's Mum, though that can seem a bit odd when they call you it to your face!) In fact, when I worked as a TA, in a small village school, the children were encouraged to call the TAs 'Mrs [initial]', to make it less formal than the teachers, I guess.

I used to call my parents' friends Auntie & Uncle as an indicator of respect, but that tradition seems to have died right out. When DS1 first went to a childminder, I was quite aghast that the children all called her by her first name rather than Aunty X, so I guess my feelings about it have actually become more relaxed as I've got older.

Now I'm wondering how many adults my children have unwittingly irritated by calling them by their first name lol..