in being cautious to chastise my friend's child

[redoneslast]

When she is present? She is a rude and unlikeable child who speaks to adults in a terrible manner. I have to bite my tongue when she "orders" me to do things and addresses me by my christian name (HATE that but thats another thread) or a "hey".. DH reckons I should pull her up on it if thats the way I want to be treated/not treated but I am concerned I will offend. Its REALLY difficult not to snap. (child is 6)

Of course there should be some adult/child boundaries. Good manners too. If the name meant a lot to you then I would of course ask my DD's to refer to you as such. I would think it a bit weird though

Well, I am near your age, but don't coonsider myself 'older' in the slightest. If you want to be addressed it a certain way, just ask, I'd say 'can you call me Mrs X, that's what I prefer' just as teachers do (if it is a big deal to you which it isn't to me). I wouldn't be having any hey's either, very rude.

I think all you can do is reiterate your own rules in a polite way. I find it much easier to say 'in our house, we say please' or whatever, and then show lots of delight when they are polite. Socialising isn't just done by parents, but by society, so I think it's fine to gently move someone towards acceptable behaviour, although I actually find most of my children's friends to be very polite and respectful when they come over.

Start that thread you mentioned redoneslast. Do a quick Poll.

I was happy with eccentric beribbonedgibbon

I actually hate children calling me by my first name, and I'm only 32. But it is totally ingrained in modern culture and I don't bother to correct. I am old fashioned, I only address my clients as Miss/Mrs/Mr whatever, never by their first names. It's how I was brought up.

The only thing I do voice objection to is if my nephew calls me by my first name. I am auntie first name to him. I still call my aunts and uncles Auntie X and Uncle Y.

I would pull a child's friend up on general rudeness though, parricularly if they were in my house and their parent was absent - lack of please, thanks etc is low level but should not be tolerated.

I can die happy now georginamama

My DCs are told to address new acquaintances as Mr/Mrs XYZ. If they are then invited to use first name then they switch.

When addressed as 'Hey' my answer (to smaller children) is 'Hay? That's what horses eat'. Works every time with my DCs.

The name thing is a personal choice by the parent. The general rude behaviour is affecting you so I think you should pull her up on it when it is addressed to you.

sorry georgimama all this fuss about names i should get yours right

Thats what I do gnome..its an "opt out"

I wasn't sure whether to address you as Mrs Redoneslast, tbh, but I thought you wouldn't mind. I am a grown up.

YANBU to pull a child up - and no the mother may not like it but sometimes it is necessary.

Yesterday I got into car with friend and her 2 DD's and my DS said something - 2 words out and 1 dc says 'we are not talking about trains' DS tries again to say what he wanted about his friend he gets 'Do I know them, No, so we are not talking about it' .

My friend and I both say something at the same time. She pulled a face and told me no need for that, tbh I hadn't needed to say anything as she did at the same time but considering this was the 3rd time her DD has been rude to DS without anything being said I interviened.

I just moved on the conversation and friend got over it.

My point being other parents don't like it but it really isn't the end of the world - and not worth losing a friendship over IMO.

YABalittleU with regards to Mrs XXX but if thats the nrom in your circle I can see why it grates.

I certainly pull my DCs up on manners. If I didnt like the way I was adressed by a child then I would (and have) pull them up on it. Children need to learn that while they may be the centre of their parents' universe that doesnt apply to everyone else. Some parents need to learn this as well.

My aunties tell me off when I still call them Aunty!

I think MrsX is old fashioned, however when I was a teen I would start off with mrs whatever till my friend's parents looked at me like and insisted I used their names. But that's because I still burn at the mortification of being told off by my grandma's friend for calling her Beryl .

My friends little ones are mostly preschoolers so I am usually called 'Um, um um LittleBumper's mum...'

I'm 44 and no-one calls me Mrs, esp not kids. I expect my child's friends to use my first name and same with others - also, most of my friends use their maiden names or are not married, and nor am I, so kids woud be calling us 'Ms x' which would be even odder. But I would certainly say 'Please use polite words' when friends' kids spoke to me rudely more than once, whether their parents were there or not.

Im an older woman, 46 and if a child called me Mrs Chic I'd be real pissed off. My name is Fabby and that is how I would expect to be addressed.

The neighbours kid next door calls me Fabby.

When the kid asks you something like a question and if she does not use the words please and thank you I would pull her on it, but that is all.

Oh and get off your horse Mrs. OMG whatever next.

When did all this start? I always called my parent's friends, neighbours and parents of friends..Mr and Mrs.

It really depends...my DS calls my best friends Auntie Firstname, and my close friends by their first name. Everyone else (and especially anyone older than me; I'm 28) I have him refer to as Mrs/Mr Surname. One of our neighbors has a hard to pronounce last name, and he just calls her Miss B. The older lady who runs the bookstore downtown is Ms Kay, the bakery lady is Ms Joan, etc. I don't know why, I just prefer this. I think it sounds more respectful.

However, most people don't do this so I don't get upset when children don't call me Mrs Surname. The ordering you about and the "hey" nonsense, though...that's got to go. You can do it nicely, just say "My name isn't 'hey', is it?" with a smile.

I am 33 and still feel horribly uncomfortable calling my friends' mums anything other than Mrs Friendsmum but I wouldn't expect my friends' children to call me by anything other than my first name. Times have changed.

I do think you're within your rights to insist on please and thank you, and to make it clear that you won't respond to "hey". You can always prefix your directions with "in THIS house we..." and tell your friend you have to be consistent about manners for the sake of your own dcs.

Yabu and old fasioned.

I cannot imagine my dcs addressing friends as mr and mrs. It would just be bizarre.

Fwiw I loathe when other peoples children call me Aunty. Especially if I'm not their Aunty.

These are just school mum friends btw, not very close friends.Ive not known the kids from birth or anything.

I am ancient, and I am very happy to be called by my christian name by any child. When DC's friends were little, I often got called "X's mum" by children who didn'[t know me well, and that was fine too.

I would hate to be called Mrs TillyMint or, even worse, auntie TillyMint!

I don't even like my nieces and nephews calling me Auntie Seeker!

Lady in the bookshop, however, would be Mrs whatever to my children unless she said otherwise.