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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be miffed at term ' don't have a dog and bark yourself!

32 replies

coccyx · 12/02/2011 12:09

Saw a message from a friend to another on facebook. First one was complaining she had a load of ironing to get through, second one said 'what is the au pair doing? Don't have a dog and bark yourself. Tell her its her job as you are far too busy having a career.lol.

OP posts:
yogididabooboo · 12/02/2011 12:17

its not the saying that is annoying. it makes sense.

BUt the person who has said its perception that the au pair is some sort of slave who is beneath the employer. she sounds like a total nob.

Original poster
coccyx · 12/02/2011 12:22

She is a nob thats true enough

OP posts:
QuestionNumber · 12/02/2011 12:22

YABU. It's just a metaphor, not to be taken literally.

Original poster
coccyx · 12/02/2011 12:24

Didn't take it literally, she doesn't have a dog

OP posts:
QuestionNumber · 12/02/2011 12:32

What I meant was that it's not insulting as she's not calling the au pair a dog. She just means "take a break, don't do the work that you have paid someone else to do". What's wrong with that? I don't think anyone is implying the au pair is beneath anyone.

Flisspaps · 12/02/2011 12:41

I think the 'tell it's her job as you are far too busy having a career' makes me think that the friend thinks the OP is 'beneath' the friend's friend (IYSWIM)

whatsbutter · 12/02/2011 12:44
Confused

dont know if the OP meant the actual phrase itself or the connotations behind it

the phrase that reeeeeeally grinds my gears (just because) is, "we'll play it be ear"
makes me wanna rip my own ears off!

nickelbabe · 12/02/2011 12:47

the term itself is a useful one - if you employ someone to do a job but end up doing the job yourself, that's having a dog and barking yourself.

is the au-pair employed with ironing as one of the job descriptions? if so, then that's the right phrase to use.

however, the following "Tell her its her job as you are far too busy having a career.lol." is awful and very rude.

dawntigga · 12/02/2011 12:47

YABU I've said that there are plenty of fish in the sea when people have broken up (usually after a few weeks of seeing each other, longer and saying this would be cruel!) It doesn't mean that I think men or women are fish.

FFSTiggaxx

MardyBra · 12/02/2011 12:47

My dad always says this when I complain about him just sitting there and waiting for my mum to make coffee. [angry

onimolap · 12/02/2011 12:51

My pet hate is "suck it and see".

nickelbabe · 12/02/2011 13:19

oh my God, MardyBra, are you me or my sisters?
that's exactly what my dad does!
Shock

funny thing is, though, after he says it, he goes and makes him and mum a cuppa, and then mum confides that he always makes the Brew and she never does! GrinHmm

MardyBra · 12/02/2011 14:30

nickel - don't have a sister so I'm afraid you haven't outed a sibling. Shocking tho' isn't it?

nickelbabe · 12/02/2011 14:57

i'm actually quite relived about that! Grin
i have said some very truthful things abotu my sisters on here! Blush

duchesse · 12/02/2011 15:02

My father, who is quite possibly the world's biggest misogynist and utter bastard, says this about us, his children. About my mother (from whom he is thankfully separated) he says "the most expensive dishwasher I ever bought" and expects people (his dogs) to find it funny. He is very slowly learning to keep his lip buttoned if he wants to see us regularly.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 12/02/2011 15:31

YANBU, I think it's more derogatory than anything and not a particularly pleasant way to talk about someone.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 12/02/2011 15:33

you know there's an entire very funny episode of Lead Ballon based around this issue?

The anti-hero is overheard by his Eastern European housekeeper saying it in relation to her and she is so upset she resigns and he can't see why she is offended....

claig · 12/02/2011 15:42

YABU. It's a clever use of lanaguage, and is just light hearted.

MardyBra · 12/02/2011 16:11

I can think of more clever uses of language tbh.

claig · 12/02/2011 16:29

I think people are being too harsh and reading too much into it. It's just a cleverer way of saying "what are you paying them for?", "he who pays the piper calls the tune", "you're the boss". Don't take offence where none was intended.

MardyBra · 12/02/2011 17:08

Actually I was being too polite in the previous post claig. It's not clever - it's a dull cliche. (Sorry don't know how to do acute accent on this keyboard).

Like Duchesse's dad, there is an underlying misogynist assumption when my dad says it. My mum was mainly a SAHM (although she got a part time job when we were teenagers) and there is a suggestion in such comments that she was "kept" rather than being an equal in the partnership. And also, I don't think it's particularly pleasant to equate one's spouse to a "dog".

claig · 12/02/2011 17:16

yes but in coccyx's post, I guess the friends are all women. I don't think that the use in coccyx's case was sexist. I think it is just about who is the boss, not about slavery. But if you want to reprimand any of your friends for using it, then that's ok.

MardyBra · 12/02/2011 18:00

Sorry still don't agree that it's an acceptable term. It's demeaning even when not being used in a specifically sexist case.

I also don't agree with DawnTigga's that it is analogous with being called a fish in the sea - as

a) being called a fish is nicer than being called a dog and
b) there are lots of fish in the sea and no one person is being singled out
c) I object to the element of being "kept" which represents an element of subservience.

Should I just bugger off to pedants' corner?

TryLikingClarity · 12/02/2011 18:06

I think the fact that it was said on FB to countless people was rude.

YANBU.

AnnoyingOrange · 12/02/2011 18:14

dh and I say it to each other quite often

it's a standing joke between us Smile